His stomach churned as the Eagle landed. He wasn't certain he was doing the right thing, but when the position opened on Alpha, he had immediately applied for it, and the approval had been quick. That surprised him. He had thought that someone would object to him working on Alpha, someone with enough clout to deny him the job. But maybe he'd been completely forgotten. He wasn't sure which would upset him more, being cast off and forgotten or being considered enough of a threat to deny him entrance to Alpha.
Now what?
He was the only passenger on this flight. They had towed a load of ore into orbit around the moon, and there were a number of boxes of refined metals and a few parts manufactured on C-2 in the cargo hold with him. He pulled black hair back from his eyes and picked up his bag. He had no idea where to go, and had no real memory of ever being on Alpha, even though he was born here-- and conceived here. He had only been four when he was sent away with his mother. Now he was back.
He walked out of the Eagle without a backward glance, faking courage that he didn't feel. He'd kept to himself on the trip back. The pilot and copilot hadn't seemed interested in small-talk and that was fine with him. He'd spent a lifetime keeping a low profile.
"Evan Pulcher!"
The shout startled him. A young man, just about his age stepped forward and held out a hand. "I'm Kenny Jackson. You'll be working with me and I was sent to meet you."
"Hi." Evan shook the offered hand, unable to come up with any other comment, but secretly relieved there was someone who could show him where things were.
"You're room assignment is already on your slate. I thought I'd show you where it is and show you around Alpha. You haven't lived here before, right?"
"Not since I was a little kid," Evan admitted.
"Come on, I'll show you around."
Evan followed Ken onto the travel tube and let the other man prattle on. Ken didn't seem to need encouragement of any sort, and he spoke of everything from work order queues to the best place to take a girl on a date. Not that Evan had a girl to take on a date. He pulled information out of Ken's endless stream, including the fact that he would need to requisition a purple-sleeved technical uniform from supply, he would be sharing a tech lab with Ken and his father, Ken Senior who helped out as he could with his arthritis and failing eyesight. They were backed up and Evan would be required to work first shift and be on call to fix high priority equipment. Ken wanted his ideas on whether to switch on-call duty daily or weekly, but didn't pause in his monologue to allow Evan to express an opinion.
Ken showed him his quarters, their lab, the nearest cafeteria, and they made a quick run through of Medical Center. They went by Supply and requested his uniforms and Ken walked him back to his quarters, inviting Evan to come down to the Grotto later with him and his girl.
Then Evan was alone in a tiny apartment that was even smaller than his place on C-2, and dreadfully lonely. Evan wondered if this had been a mistake.
He settled into a routine, throwing himself into his work, which he really did like. There was a lot to do. Ken the Younger, as Evan began to think of him, was an adequate technician, but he had no headed for programming. Ken the Elder had been trying to keep up with rebuilds and repairs on computer controlled equipment, but his eyesight was so bad he had no choice but to work very slowly. He'd rigged a large screen to display lines of code for him in large lettering, but Ken the Younger had to assist him with circuit board work.
When Evan suggested rigging an audio reader to the code Ken the Elder was enthusiastic, and Evan spent an entire day hooking up the system and making it work. Both Kens raved at the ingenuity and it was well worth the time spent.
The first few times a work assignment came through to fix a piece of stationary equipment in Medical Center, Ken the Younger went with Evan. After that, he went on his own. Evan liked those assignments. Everyone in Medical Center flowed around him and did their job, and it was quiet and peaceful for him. In the lab, Ken the Younger and Ken the Elder kept up a constant stream of chatter about anything and everything. The Alphan gossip about people Evan had never heard of included much about the happenings of the large Jackson family. Ken the Younger had two older sisters and a younger brother and sister. Stories of the family hurt Evan the worst. It only emphasized the fact that he had no one-at least no one who would admit to being his family.
He really liked his job. It was challenging and consuming. He had a talent with machinery. Off duty his life wasn't as pleasant. He was lonely, even more so than he had been on C-2. He worked then went to a small silent apartment. Then he returned to work.
He picked up his routine of going to the gym before breakfast to run. The first morning he had run just under a kilometer when the man he most and least wanted to see arrived.
The gym was pretty busy already. There were several people at the weight machines and stationary bikes. The old man walked in and greeted several people by name. He stopped and joked with one man who was bench pressing an impressive amount of weights. Evan watched from his treadmill in the corner from behind his long black hair. The long hair, which he kept tied back in a pony tail at work was held aback with a sweat band now. He also had a full beard and mustache. He felt less conspicuous behind the hair, although sometimes he cursed himself as a coward for it.
The man was old. Much older than Evan's mother. But he was obviously in perfect health and quite fit. He slung his towel on the hand bar of another treadmill and set a brisk pace. A girl with black curly hair entered and headed straight for the treadmill next to the old man's. He paused briefly and she leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, then checked the mileage on his machine and set her own pace slightly faster than his. The two chatted and teased each other, continually increasing the pace and challenging the other.
Evan knew that had to be Emma, the man's daughter. His sister. He continued his pace, trying hard to get his thoughts around the concept of having a sister. He'd known a bunch of people on C-2 who had sisters or brothers. Nearly everyone did. Evan had only had his mother. Now she was gone. He was fascinated by the man and his daughter, even though watching them together gave him a queer, empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. When they stopped-together-the old man put his arm around the girl's shoulders and gently swiped at her nose with the end of his towel. They laughed together and left the gym without ever noticing Evan. Evan wondered what it would be liked... to be noticed.
The next Koenig Evan encountered was Alex, who would be his older brother. Ken the Younger invited Evan to play basketball with some of his buddies one evening. Evan certainly had nothing else to do, so he agreed. One of the men was Alex Koenig. They were of similar height and build, but Alex was blond and cheerful while Evan was dark and somber. Evan knew that without his beard, he and Alex would look very much alike. Alex laughed easily but played a tough game. They were on opposite teams, and since they were among the tallest players, frequently ended up blocking each other's shots. After the game, Alex shook Evan's hand, welcomed him to Alpha, and said he hoped they would get a chance to play on the same team next time. Before Evan could do more than nod, Alex bounded off to the sidelines where a petite brunette waited with a chubby baby on her lap. Evan watched as Alex lifted the baby onto his shoulders and kissed the girl who must be his wife. Alex went home with his little family. Evan went back to an empty apartment.
He wasn't looking for the third Koenig child. Evan already knew Richard, better than he wanted to. John Koenig may have cast Evan aside, but Richard Koenig had completely destroyed Evan's life. Richard had treated Evan's mother on C-2--treated her to death. Complaints that Richard had caused Sarah Pulcher's death had fallen on deaf ears. Dr. Spencer and Mr. Johnson had both listened carefully to Evan's pleas, reviewed Sarah's file, and politely declined to do anything about the young Koenig's incompetence.
Then, to top it all off, Richard had stolen away the only girl Evan had ever cared for. Suzi Potter had been seeing Evan regularly, even though Evan's mother had strongly disapproved. She hated it when he became friendly with anyone, but Evan hadn't let that stop him where Suzi was concerned. Suzi was tall, willowy and blonde, with the smoothest skin and the most wonderful way of kissing him. He still thought about her every day.
When his mother had gotten so sick he had to break it off with Suzi. There just wasn't any time for dating. He had worked, and studied and cared for his mother. That had become his whole life. Suzi began to date Richard, who should have spent more time making Sarah Pulcher well and less time kissing Suzi Potter.
When Richard returned to Alpha and Suzi remained behind, Evan thought perhaps he still had a chance to make things right with Suzi. She wouldn't have anything to do with him. She was so moody, and her eyes were always red and puffy like she had been crying all the time. Then Suzi had come here to Alpha for a few months. In another month or two she was scheduled to marry Richard. Evan hoped he could convince her that was a mistake before then. She was the reason he had applied for the job on Alpha so quickly. After two weeks on Alpha, he hadn't even had the chance to see her, much less talk to her.
Usually, Evan would work through lunch, too engrossed in the current problem to bother stopping. The two Kens would bring him a sandwich or something when they returned from lunch, and there was a coffee pot in the lab that was constantly full of a thick brown brew. He had spent the morning in Medical Center, practically standing on his head behind a diagnostic bed, trying to keep it from indicating that everyone and sundry had a fever.
He had finally succeeded in correcting the problem right at lunch time, so he headed for the cafeteria to take a short break. The first person he saw in the cafeteria was Suzi. Instead of heading for the food line he walked straight to her table and sat across from her.
"Hi."
"Evan! What are you doing here?"
"I work here now. How have you been?" He looked into her pretty brown eyes and reached forward to take her hand.
She looked away quickly and pulled her hand out of reach. "I've been fine. What do you want?"
"Just to talk. I've missed you."
Suzi sighed and looked around the room. "Look Evan. We went through this before. You broke up with me, remember?"
"Not by my choice, I-"
"It doesn't matter why. Really. That was a long time ago. I've moved on. I'm very happy."
"Remember how it felt? Being together?"
She smiled fondly at him. "We were young, and we were each other's first. It was very special at the time-and always will be. But I'm in love with someone else."
"Can't we at least-"
"No, we can't." She said shortly. "I'm expecting friends. They'll be here any minute." She looked up again and waved at someone behind him. "It's over, Evan. It really is."
He slid out of the seat feeling like she had kicked him in the stomach. She wouldn't even let him explain. She didn't want to be seen with him. He went through the line behind Emma and Alex's wife, obviously the friends Suzi was meeting. He took the first thing offered to him, anger replacing the numbness that Suzi's attitude had first engendered. He sat in a far corner of the cafeteria at a table by himself. Pulling out his slate he punched in an override code from the tech department. Then he gave a little-known command that was used to check slates that had intermittant and difficult to diagnose problems. He could now operate Suzi's slate from his own. He turned on the microphone and listened to the girl's conversation.
"-- pre-wedding jitters yet?" Emma was asking her.
"No, well, not really. At least not about getting married."
"Don't tell me you're nervous about the wedding night?" the other girl asked.
Evan could see Suzi's face from where she was sitting. She smiled at the girl across from her and shook her head. "Not that."
Emma nudged the other girl. "Suzi had the good sense to try him out first, unlike someone I could name."
"Listen to the girl who married 'Mr. Experienced' here. Name three women your husband didn't sleep with before you got married."
Evan raised an eyebrow at that, but Emma merely laughed. "From our generation, or his? Not that it matters. I keep him 'way to satisfied too wander now. That's all I care about."
Suzi leaned forward. "Actually, guys, I got this sudden overwhelming terror of in-laws. No offense, Emma."
"None taken," Emma said with a laugh. "They can be a bit intimidating. My mother still manages to scare me into behaving. Right Dinah?"
"The only person who has ever been able to get you to listen to reason is Alan, we both know that. And you have him wrapped around your little finger."
Emma waived her left hand in the air. "Or at least my ring finger."
"She's inordinately pleased to be married to him. It's the rebel in her," Dinah explained to Suzi.
Suzi looked like she wasn't quite sure what to make of the pair in front of her.
"Dinah will be the expert on the in-law angle," Emma advised. "Go ahead, Di. Give her your insights. Should she run now while she as the chance?"
"Oh, Emma," Dinah said. "Really Suzi, they're not that bad-although Emma can be the world's worst sister-in-law."
"Hey!"
"You asked for my insights!"
"Perhaps I should leave."
"Don't bother, dear. I don't need to talk about you behind your back, I'll do it to your face." Dinah replied with a giggle. "Really, Suzi, Emma's fine as long as you don't expect her to cook. And I haven't found anyone that Alex doesn't like or get along with. Papa John growls some, but he's really just as sweet as he can be. He may tease you a little bit, but it's only because he likes you. And he just adores the grandkids, which is a big plus when you need a babysitter. I've even handed Bella over to him in his office and he's really good with her. Lets her crawl around the office and keeps a better eye on her than Alex does sometimes."
"We trained him well," Emma interjected.
"And gave him all that gray hair. Alex and Emma were holy terrors when they were little, always finding ways to get into mischief. Believe me, they've already pulled every trick in the book on their father, so he won't fall for anything."
"What about Richard? Wasn't he a holy terror too?"
"Richie was always the angelic, serious one," Emma explained. "And since he was the youngest, Daddy and Mama usually assumed that we had led him astray."
"And they were usually right," Dinah added.
"Any way, Papa John is always pretty busy, but he's really very sweet. Then there's Helena."
"Oh, but Helena has been so wonderful to me. Even before Richard and I were together she mentored me and sponsored me for this job. We get along great."
"Oh, I'm not saying she's a horrible person or anything. Just that occasionally she does try to run things her way. Even when it's technically none of her business."
"Then you use Di's favorite tactic."
"Em!"
"Admit it. You do it all the time. She recruits Daddy to her side then lets him handle Mama."
"Well, it does have the advantage of working."
"Daddy will tell Mama that she's butting in, and she'll leave Di and Alex alone for a while."
Emma leaned forward, "So tell me, Richard is spending virtually every night with you isn't he?"
"Well-"
"Don't bother to deny it," Dinah said. "Billy Reilly is bragging that he has an absentee room mate and hitting on every girl on Alpha since he has an apartment all to himself."
"He usually stays most of the night with me," Suzi admitted with a smile. "I can't wait until he can just move in and we don't have to go through all this."
"You could always just shack up with him, like Emma did."
"Did you really?"
"Yes, I did. We came home from vacation and moved my stuff into Alan's place. Three month's later we got married. The world didn't end or anything."
"Why do I think Richard wouldn't agree to that?"
"Because despite the fact that he'll slip into your bed whenever he has the chance, he's still the angelic and serious one, and won't rock the boat like that. He didn't exactly approve when I did it. He'll be Mr. Upstanding Citizen in public."
The girls continued to talk, but Evan was no longer listening. Mr. Upstanding Citizen had things to hide, like screwing Suzi before the wedding, and killing Evan's mother. He was obviously his parent's best-loved child too. It would certainly be nice to make them all as uncomfortable and outcast as he felt himself. He'd have to think about that.
The routine continued: waking, running, working, eating, sleeping. Sometimes he played basketball in the evenings. Alex even called him a couple of times to include him in a game. They usually ended up on opposite sides, mainly because they were both such strong players. With both of them on the same team they were virtually unbeatable. They played well together, their styles meshing together to provide their team maximum points. They played the occasional game of one-on-one as well.
He listened in on Suzi's slate more and more. Time was running out if he was going to convince her to call off the wedding. Knowing where she was because of her slate, he managed to enter her quarters, using another of his convenient tech lab overrides. He placed a couple of tiny cameras in her apartment, to gather more evidence of Mr. Upstanding Citizen's wrong doing. At least that's what he told himself he was doing. More and more he simply watched as Suzi showered, changed, and made love to Richard.
Watching Suzi shower was agonizing ecstasy. Even when he wasn't watching her, he was usually thinking about her smooth pale skin as she ran her hands over herself, the way he had once been able to touch her. He wanted to touch her that way again, so bad.
Then there were the visits from Richard. That was even more titillating agony. Richard would arrive primed and ready for their encounter, and Suzi's preparations for her lover's visits were arousing to watch. Evan wished he were the one she prepared so carefully for, and sometimes even imagined he was, but he could never bring himself to stop watching even when Richard arrived. He watched as Richard aroused the girl he loved and brought her to climax. In his fantasies, he would replay the sessions and imagine that she was screaming Evan's name, not Richard's, as she came. Wouldn't that make Richard squirm?
But it never happened.
There had to be a way to make Suzi notice him. If he could just get her to talk to him again, he was sure he could convince her to give him another chance. If she just understood that it had been because of his mother that he broke up with her. He'd never stopped loving her. He needed her so much more than Richard did.
Using the slave control on Suzi's slate, he began to give it problems. Surely she'd put in a maintenance order on it. But she didn't. She took it to Alex and asked him to look at it. Evan backed quickly out of the slate, hiding the signs that he'd tinkered with it as best he could. He knew Alex well enough now to know that he was a very gifted programmer and fully capable of detecting what was happening.
He felt blind without his access to Suzi's slate, and very lonely. He still had his cameras in her room, and he decided to try a new tactic. He began to leave her little presents. A rose bud. A small sweet. A scarf he knew she had admired in supply, but had not bartered for.
He listened to another lunch conversation with Dinah Koenig, through Dinah's slate and found that she had interpreted the gifts as being from Richard. He left the cafeteria in a rage, returned to his room and threw things around in a tantrum. How could she believe that scum had left the presents. He wanted to hurt Richard. He wanted all the Koenigs to hurt, the way he hurt. He wanted them to feel the pain of missing someone as he had felt every day since his mother's death. He wanted them to know what it was like to be cast off and forgotten. He sank to the floor sobbing. He wanted to be rid of the pain within himself and he only knew one way to do that. He would get even with Richard by killing him, then he would kill himself. No one would miss him. No one would regret his passing. No one would notice.
If Evan had been distant before, he was completely detached now. He kept his eyes open for a way to do it and documented everything in his journal. They'd all be sorry for the way they'd treated him, exiling him to C-2 as a child, then forgetting his very existence. They'd start to understand the pain he was feeling, disconnected from everyone, with no one to consider family or friend.
The opportunity came the next week. He sat watching Suzi and Richard's lovemaking every night. He listened to every word they said to each other. It was like digging at an old wound. It hurt oh so badly, but he was compelled to do it. Richard lay back on Suzi's bed with a sigh. "I'll miss you next week."
"Miss me? Why?"
"I've drawn second shift for the next week. It'll probably be well after midnight before I'm through every night, and you've got to get your sleep sometime before you get up to go to work."
"Well, I could go to sleep earlier, and you could wake me up when you get here."
Richard leaned over and kissed her neck, in that spot just below the ear that Evan knew Suzi liked so much. "Maybe I will. Next time I draw second shift we'll be married, and I'll do that anyway."
"Oh, Rick, I can't wait."
"Me neither."
Evan flipped off the viewer as Richard pulled Suzi closer again. Second shift was mostly dead in Medical Center, except for the odd emergency. Nurses dealt with the patients who were usually settled in to sleep halfway through the shift. Richard would be in his office, especially as the night got later, and no one would know what happened to him until it was too late.
Next week it would all be over. He slept better than he had since his mother had told him the awful truth about his father and died. He knew exactly what he would do.
The week passed slowly for him. He stayed to himself, as usual. Alex called twice to ask him to play basketball, but he refused. He liked Alex. He hated himself for liking his older brother who had no clue who he was, but he couldn't help himself. He watched John Koenig and his daughter run every morning with hungry eyes. What would it be like to routinely see your father, talk to him, joke with him? He would never know.
The first night Richard had second shift duty he watched Suzi's room carefully, but she showered and left the apartment shortly after her own shift ended and didn't come back until late. The next day he accepted a work order in one of the medical labs and headed there with anticipation. He had fabricated the work order so that he could enter the secure medical lab. Housed in the same lab as the gene bank which was Suzi's domain, the secured medical samples were kept under lock and key. He had used his slate ghosting trick to make the refrigeration unit appear to be malfunctioning. He was called quickly to check on it. He had to check the interior temperature independently, so someone was called who had the security access codes.
The old woman was still beautiful, with a regal quality about her. She was older than his mother too. Obviously Koenig had taken advantage of his mother's youth. He hadn't understood why Koenig had chosen to remain with the older woman before now, but she had obviously been a beauty, whereas his mother had been as plain and mousy as they came with a tendency toward overweight even with the extremely healthy diet eaten here. Helena Koenig also looked like someone you would not want angry with you for any reason.
Someone in the lab greeted Helena and pointed her in the direction of the waiting technician. She crossed the lab and smiled at him. "I don't believe we've met."
He immediately had the urge to lie to her. A stupid idea. It would take her all of five minutes to find out who he really was. He wasn't even sure his name would mean anything to her. "I'm new. I was raised on C-2. Just moved here last month." He tried to evade the issue of his name. He felt trapped. His mouth had grown dry. He was sure she could see right through him. Probably even knew what he really wanted in this cabinet.
"Welcome to Alpha, then. I'm Dr. Koenig." She held out her hand to him.
He took it, feeling like he was in one of those old movies, mesmerized by the vampire, unable to resist. There was no escaping now. "I'm Evan Pulcher."
If he hadn't had her hand in his he would have never known she was startled. Her demeanor remained cool and calm. But at the mention of his name, her hand stiffened in his, just a little bit. She knew him. She knew exactly who he was, and that his father had sent him away.
Her green eyes met his. "I'm pleased to meet you. Just what is wrong with this unit," she asked. She had no intention of being more personal. She was all business.
He wasn't sure what he expected. Her recognition had certainly been unexpected, but maybe, just maybe, if she knew who he was she might-what? Name him publicly as her husband's long-lost bastard son? Hug him and welcome him into the family? Sure, Evan, sure, he chided himself sarcastically.
"It's indicating temperature fluctuations. I need to measure the interior temperature independently so I can determine whether it's the thermostat or just the reporting unit."
She punched the code quickly into the pad set into the door. While he worked she asked him questions. Not the usual sort of questions he got from the people who used the machines but didn't fix them. She knew what was what around this equipment. He couldn't help but be impressed. He found himself enjoying the discussion of troubleshooting the equipment. He took the readings he needed but with her right there he couldn't take anything from the cabinet.
Then, just as he was finishing, someone on the other side of the lab called out to her to ask her a question. He quickly palmed a vial of bright pink liquid as she turned around to answer. Evan finished, and closed the cabinet. Helena turned back just as he closed the door. She looked quickly at the door and hesitated, then she smiled at him.
"All done," Evan said unnecessarily.
"Fine. Are you getting along all right with the Jacksons?"
"Yes. They're good to work with."
She smiled more broadly. "Very diplomatic. They can talk your ear off, if you let them."
Evan couldn't help but smile back. "I usually volunteer to work on the stationary equipment here in Medical Center whenever I can."
"Good for you. You seem to be doing a fine job, Evan. Do you enjoy it?"
Why had she asked that, he wondered. "Yes. I like to work with machinery. It's more predictable than humans."
"Up to a point," she replied. "I've found that sometimes machinery can be unpredictable too."
He nodded and she stood and left the lab.
The second day Richard had night duty Evan gathered together everything he needed. Around 2200 he put the vial of pink liquid in his pocket, used his slate to check and make sure that Richard was alone and in his office, then he looked around the small bare apartment for the last time. His personal things could be packed into one duffel, and no one would ever know he had been here.
He made his way to Medical Center. The halls were quiet. It was after the time families strolled together. Sporting events had mostly ended. Late movies wouldn't be over for another hour. Those on graveyard shift wouldn't be leaving for work for at least an hour.
He slipped into Medical Center. The lights were low. The nurse at the receiving desk looked up from her slate and nodded when she recognized him. He was the repair guy. Just part of the background. She wouldn't even know his name, and if she did learn it, it would be too late. Too late to stop him.
Richard looked up when he walked in the office. The door had been open, but Evan touched the panel and closed it behind him.
"Evan! Hi!" Richard grinned. "I haven't had a chance to see you since you came to Alpha. How do you like the job?"
Evan looked at the young man in front of him. They were the same age, but Richard seemed so much older, more sure of himself. His manner made him seem older than Alex, even. His sister-- their sister had given him a good nickname: Mr. Upstanding Citizen.
"I like it fine."
"It was one of the first assignments I approved. My mom has been handing over most of the administrative functions in Medical Center to me lately so she had more time to teach. When you applied for the job, I knew you'd be perfect for it. Kenny just doesn't have a wide enough range of skills, although he'll be a good back-up for you. And Mr. Jackson thinks you're great too."
Evan wasn't sure what to make of that. He shrugged. At least Richard wasn't suspicious of him.
"You know, once you've learned the ropes there, I'd like to put a couple of other people under you as well. Even though you're part of the Technical section, bio-med tech is really part of my department, so I can recommend you as the supervisor there. You'd probably have to travel to Loki and C-2 some too."
Supervisor? Ken the Elder was the supervisor of the Med tech section. But of course, he'd been chattering away about retiring now that Evan was working out so well. Not that it mattered to Evan anymore. Evan just wanted the pain and loneliness to end, and it was going to end tonight.
Evan stuffed his hands in his pockets where he had put the straps he intended to use on Richard. It was time. He took a step forward and leaned over Richard. Richard still suspected nothing, until the hands came out of the pockets and the straps were quickly placed around wrists that had conveniently been resting on the arms of the office chair. The thick strips of velcro took hold immediate, and Richard was effectively immobilized.
"Hey, what-- Evan? What are you doing?
"Ending it, Richard. You've made my life a living hell. It's time to end it and pay you back at the same time."
"All I did was give you a job! You applied for it!"
"Not that. You stole the only things in my life I had left after your father sent me away."
"Sent? What?" Richard was really confused now.
Evan sat on the edge of the desk. He pulled the vial out of his pocket and a syringe that he had appropriated on another repair visit to Medical Center. "You taught me how to do this, Richard. Remember? To give my mother the medicine that was supposed to make her well."
"Make her well? Evan, she was in the final stages of terminal cancer when I arrived. You were giving her pain medication. I thought I had made that clear to you both."
"She said she was getting better, that she was going to be fine," Evan filled the syringe and set the bottle in on the desk beside him.
Richard's eyes went wide when he saw the label and he tried to push himself away with his feet, but Evan had already pushed him back against the wall and held him still with a foot on the chair. "Evan, do you know what that stuff is?"
"I know it'll take my pain away. And let me get even with you, and your family."
"What's my family got to do with it? Look I know about you and Suzi, but she told me you broke up-- long before I came to C-2."
"I had to concentrate on helping my mother get better. She didn't want to be alone. She couldn't stand it when I went out with Suzi, but Suzi never let me explain. Then when my mother died she was with you. She wouldn't even talk to me. Even when you left her behind on C-2 she still wouldn't see me. She wouldn't let me tell her how much I needed her-- someone. Suzi was all I had left since your father didn't want to have anything to do with me."
"My father?" Richard asked. He tried to struggle away as Evan brought the syringe closer. "Evan don't! That stuff is so contagious that even a small amount of that could kill nearly everyone on this base!"
"So what? What does any of this really matter anyway? Let's just end it all now for you and for me." Evan reached out to unzip Richard's uniform.
At that moment the office door opened and Alex and Alan Carter walked in. They were concentrating on their own conversation and didn't notice Evan's threatening posture as he hovered over Richard.
"I'll be fine, really," Carter was saying.
"Let Richard decide. If I return you to Em and you're hurt, she'll kill me," Alex replied.
"Alex! Stop him! He's going to inject me with a virus!"
Before Richard finished his sentence, Alex and Alan launched into action as if they had planned the attack. Alex launched himself at Evan, aiming high while Alan went low. Before Evan could react they had him pinned to the floor, and Alex had wrenched Evan's wrist forcing him to drop the syringe. Alan caught it deftly before it hit the floor then twisted so he was kneeling with his knee in the small of Evan's back.
Evan was sobbing. Alex stepped over him and pulled the straps off of Richard and returned to bind Evan's hands with them. Alan handed the syringe over to Richard.
"Just what's going on here?" Alan asked.
"He was trying to kill me!" Richard said with surprise. "He thinks I killed his mom. And he keeps saying something about Dad, but I'm not sure what."
"Just let me end it all." Evan mumbled.
"Evan?" Alex said. He knelt down next to him. "What's the deal bud? What have you got against Richie here?"
Evan struggled against the strap. "he killed my mother!"
"His mother was terminally ill!" Richard said.
"Ask your father about the rest," Evan said.
Alex shrugged. "Ok, I will." He pulled out his slate and called up his father. "Dad?" he asked when his father's face appeared on the screen. "Do you know someone named Evan Pulcher?"
John Koenig hesitated momentarily. "Why do you ask, Alex?"
"Well, he seems pretty mad at you for something. He tried to kill Richie just now. I'm about to call security." Alex could hear his mother's exclamation in the background. "Richie's all right," Alex added.
"Where are you, Alex?"
"Richie's office."
"Can you quietly bring him to my office?"
"Yes sir. We'll be right there."
"I've got to get this stuff back in the controlled substances cabinet, then I'll join you," Richard said.
Alex took Evan by the collar and Alan backed off while he lifted Evan into the air. "Now. Will you behave yourself and walk, or should we leave you tied up?"
"I'll walk." Evan chose. He was trembling with terror. What would they do to him. Why didn't Koenig want security called? Would he be able to just make Evan vanish? Wasn't that what he'd wanted anyway?
Alan Carter removed the straps and Evan wiped at his cheeks with his sleeve. Alex handed him a handkerchief and they walked together out the door and toward his first meeting with his father.
The Commander's office was down a corridor and up a flight of stairs. They passed the elevator as it opened. Dinah, Suzi and Emma joined them.
"What's going on?" Emma asked. She immediately slid her hand into Alan's and matched step with him.
"I'm not sure," Alan said quietly.
Koenig and his wife were already in the office. They were sitting at a large round table and motioned the others seriously to seats. Evan was terrified. He chose a seat as far across the table from Koenig as possible. Alan and Alex chose seats to either side of him. Their wives sat next to each of them.
"Evan, what has been going on?"
Evan felt as if he were being scolded. He couldn't quite find his voice. He stared at a scratch in the surface of the table in front of him. He really didn't know what to say.
Before he could figure out what to say Dr. Koenig asked, "Where is Richard? Alex, you said he was all right."
"I didn't hurt him," Evan managed. He could see that Dr. Koenig was worried, much the way his mother had worried about him. "I'm sorry," he added softly.
The door to the office opened and Richard hurried in. He stopped by his mother's chair and took her hand, and kissed her on the cheek. Then he took a chair next to Suzi.
Alex spoke next. "Come on, Evan, what's going on? I thought you liked it here on Alpha."
"He's going to send me away again. He probably didn't even know I was here."
"Send you away?" Koenig asked. "Evan, I never sent you away."
"Yes you did. When I was little. Mom said I looked too much like you so you sent us away."
Koenig's immediate reaction of impatience and disbelieve was quite evident.
His daughter was equally impatient. "Will someone please tell me what's going on?"
Richard answered. "He showed up in my office a while ago. He tied me up and told me that he was going to kill me and himself. He said he was mad at me about his mother's death and for marrying Suzi. He also said he was mad at Dad for some reason and said to ask him. Then Alan and Alex showed up and tackled him and we called Dad and now we're all here," Richard finished with a shrug.
Koenig had been staring at the bearded young man across the table from him. "She told you I sent you away?"
"She said you promised to marry her, but then you dumped her and went back to your wife. You wouldn't have anything to do with us, and when I started to school, you sent us away so people wouldn't see how much I looked like you."
"Oh, Evan. That's not what happened at all," Koenig sounded old and weary and disappointed.
"I guess you can describe it any way you want since she's dead now."
"Wait a minute," Carter said. "You're Sarah Pulcher's kid? The one she was always so possessive of and secretive about?"
Evan nodded slowly.
"Well, I can tell you that she wasn't sent away. She was dead set on leaving Alpha. She bothered Andy Johnson constantly about a position there for nearly a year. No offense kid, but she could be a bit flakey. When a position finally came up, she packed up as quick as she could and never came back."
"That's not what she said," Evan mumbled.
"I think it's time all of you heard this," Koenig said reluctantly. "I probably should have told you years ago." He glanced at his wife then began to tell them of a time when Alex and Emma were tiny and he had feared for his wife's life while she was carrying Richard. They had fought, and occasionally, to avoid waking the children he would storm out late at night and take refuge in his office. During one of those times, Sarah Pulcher brought him some coffee, then he fell asleep. He'd had strange dreams and the next morning, Tony had a horrible time waking him up. They found out that he had been drugged, but they couldn't find any reason why.
Evan and Richard were four and starting school when Helena saw the boy for the first time. She realized immediately that Evan bore a strong resemblance to John Koenig. When they had investigated, she found that Evan could easily have been conceived on that night that Koenig had been drugged. A check of Evan's medical records indicated that John was indeed his father. Sarah had said nothing to Koenig, and had already accepted a transfer to C-2. Koenig and Helena discussed confronting Sarah, but had decided that it could only harm the little boy, and it wasn't his fault. They had chosen not to make contact with Evan.
Dr. Koenig picked up the story. "The drug she used was a powerful sedative. On Earth it was called the "date rape" drug. You could put it in someone's drink, and they would be so sedated they would be unable to resist anything, but at the same time cooperative enough to... function sexually."
There were gasps of surprise from around the family. Evan shivered. How could his mother have done such a thing?
"Evan, I never suspected your mother would do such a thing," Koenig said. "I was aware that she had a crush on me, but I was with Helena, and, I guess I never paid any attention to Sarah or thought much about her. It came as a shock to Helena and I, but we never mentioned it to anyone else."
The old man took his wife's hand. She added, "I can show you your own medical records, and your mother's. She was counseled by Bob Mathias for depression on several occasions. And you'll be able to see that she resisted bringing you to medical center for any reason."
"Evan, despite what happened with your mother, how that didn't mean I wasn't concerned, or didn't know what you were doing. But I felt it was best for you to make your own way. When your mother died and you had never contacted me, I guessed that she hadn't told you, or you weren't interested in contacting me. But I never, ever sent you away."
He didn't want to cry in front of this man, and despite the fears and thoughts he'd had over the years, he believed the man told the truth. Evan couldn't stop the tears that flowed down his face. He was still staring doggedly at that scratch on the table and didn't catch the looks of shock and fascination on the faces around him. Alan Carter stirred beside him and leaned over to whisper something to his wife, but Evan didn't catch what he said. He felt frozen, numb, no longer in pain, but unable to feel anything else at the moment.
"You mean, Evan is our brother too?" Alex was the first one to speak.
"That's right," his father said. "Evan, I hope you'll find a way to forgive the way I've treated you. I know it may take some time, but I hope you'll come to accept us as your family."
Evan didn't know what to say. He had imagined all sorts of conversations with the man who was his father, but nothing quite like this. He remained silent.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Helena Koenig lean toward her husband. Koenig nodded and said, "All of you needed to know that. The rest is between Richard and Evan and I."
The rest of the family knew they had been dismissed, and stood. Evan could tell that Emma wanted to say something to her father, but Carter put a restraining hand on his wife's arm and they left with the rest. Alex hesitated a moment and placed his hand on Evan's shoulder. He leaned down and said softly, "Hang in there, bud. The rest of us are used to being yelled at by Dad. He's really ok."
Somehow, the thought of having Alex for an older brother filled Evan's heart with hope. Despite the horrible thing Alex had stopped him from doing, Alex was still willing to be his friend. Perhaps things wouldn't be so bad...
Koenig waited for the door to close behind the others. Evan had remained motionless. There was a long moment of silence, and Evan could feel the old man's eyes on him. He looked up, and saw something in those blue eyes-- sadness? Reget? Disappointment? He wasn't sure. Richard was looking at the table too, as if he were also somehow in trouble.
Koenig held Evan's gaze, but his first words were not to him. "Richard? Please tell me your side of this."
Evan's first thought was that Richard would tell some completely slanted version of the story. "I first met Evan on C-2 when I was treating his mom. She had cancer. If I'd known about you..."
"You couldn't," Koenig interrupted calmly. "Go on."
"I counseled Sarah Pulcher about her illness. It was in its final stages. No remission was possible, the cancer had spread and was inoperable. No treatments had been effective. She asked that she be allowed as much pain medication as needed for the last weeks. She seemed to completely understand the situation. She wanted to stay in her quarters as much as possible, and we concurred. I saw her twice a day, and showed Evan how to give her injections so he could do it at night. I didn't explain to him what the injections were for. She seemed to enjoy my visits, and encouraged me to talk about myself and my family." Richard shrugged. "I liked her, Dad. I was pretty homesick and she didn't mind me talking about Alpha. A lot of terminal patients want to talk about themselves, their life on Earth. Sarah wanted to listen.
"When she died, Evan was very upset and I probably wasn't much help to him. I thought others there would, friends of his mom, you know? I was kind of upset about it too. Terminal patients are difficult, especially when you become friends with your patients. Evan complained to Dr. Spencer, then to Mr. Johnson about the treatment I gave her. Both talked to him. Evan avoided me after that. I moved on to other things."
Richard glanced up at Evan. "Then there's Suzi. Dad, when I started dating her she told me Evan broke up with her. From what Evan told me tonight, he stopped dating her to take care of his mom. I don't think he meant to break up with her. Did you, Evan?"
Evan shook his head. He swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, but still couldn't manage to get any words out. He watched Richard who now looked younger as he sat near his father.
Koenig sighed. "Evan, my experience with my other children has taught me that just because they're siblings they won't always get along. They all know that I have two rules: Any disagreements must remain within the family and not become a matter of public speculation, they must also cause no permanent damage to each other." Koenig paused and glared at Richard briefly.
Richard's pale coloring betrayed him as he blushed and looked at the table. "Emma's arm healed," he mumbled reluctantly.
"And one of our best pilots was grounded for weeks," his father snapped.
Evan watched with interest. He had no experience with siblings himself. He had thought they always got along.
"Evan, did you really intend to hurt Richard?"
Evan had to nod. He licked his lips and gathered up the courage to speak. "I thought-- I thought he killed my mom and stole my girl. Suzi wouldn't even talk to me anymore. And I wanted you to hurt the way I do." Evan closed his eyes and tried to hold on to Alex's encouraging words and the tone of his voice when he had asked if Evan was his brother. Alex had sounded so pleased.
"I can't allow this to go unpunished. But I certainly don't want you to feel as if you're all alone. You're not." Koenig paused and looked at both sons. "Evan, I am going to ask you to leave Alpha for a while. I think it might be best if you and Richard had a cooling off period. However, I expect you and Richard to communicate by slate at least once a day. You can discuss anything you'd like, and I won't interfere, but I expect to be able to see on your communications logs that you each sent one message to the other.
"Evan, I also want you to send me at least one message each day, and I promise to respond to any questions you may have whether it be about current matters, or anything about your mother you wish to ask. I can't guarantee I have all the answers. I really didn't know your mother well. She worked in Main Mission off and on, and transferred to a position away from Main Mission once she was pregnant with you. But I'll do my best."
"Um, Dad?" Richard said when his father paused. "I really need Evan in the bio-tech lab."
"I have a job for him on Loki. You'll have to make do without him until then," Koenig said sharply. He looked at the two of them and said, "You two can start communicating with each other right now while I make the arrangements. Evan, do you intend to try to kill Richard again?"
Evan was still in shock. That was the last question he had expected. He looked at Richard and felt nothing, no hatred, but no regret for his actions either. "I ... don't think so," was the best answer he could come up with.
Koenig seemed to accept that reply. He nodded, stood and headed for his desk.
Richard moved over a few seats so they could talk quietly. "Evan, really, I'm sorry about everything."
Evan shook his head, "I don't understand you, Richard. I tried to kill you a while ago, and you're apologizing."
"Well, maybe we should have talked things out sooner. If you'd said anything..."
"Like what, I'm you're long lost brother, and you stole my girl?"
"About Suzi. I really do love her. I'll take good care of her."
"You better, or I'll try again," Evan said softly, but with a weak smile. He hoped it sounded like he was joking.
Richard grinned at him. "I'll keep that in mind." He glanced at his father who was concentrating at the screen on the desk. "I think you should know that one of the reasons-the private, family reasons-that I ended up on C-2 was because I broke Emma's arm."
"Why'd you do that?"
"We got into a fight. I was pretty mad at her. She'd told someone something I had told her in confidence, and well, I stormed in the apartment and jumped her. And then her arm just sort of ...broke," he finished lamely.
Evan looked at him in astonishment. Before he could reply they were both distracted by Koenig's voice.
"Charlie? How's it going down there?"
They couldn't hear the other end of the conversation. Koenig nodded in sympathy about some kind of complaint.
"I've found you a volunteer to help out down there. He can stay as long as you need him."
"I volunteered?" Evan asked quietly.
"The same way I volunteered to go to C-2," Richard replied.
"No, he's a terrific worker. Should be able to help out with the planting plus help get the base into shape for the season."
There was a brief pause.
"Not superman. One of my sons, my youngest. You haven't met him. He grew up on C-2. Evan, come meet your new boss."
Evan stood slowly aware that his face was still tear streaked and his hair was in complete disarray. He pushed it behind his ears and wiped at his face. He came and stood just behind his father's chair.
"Charlie Sky, this is my son, Evan Pulcher."
A man with long iron-gray hair stared back out of the screen at him. Even in the black and white pickup he appeared deeply suntanned. His skin was extremely wrinkled. He looked absolutely ancient. "Hello, sir," Evan said as he found his voice.
The old man growled. "Know anything about trees young man?"
"No sir."
"Well, neither does anyone else on Alpha. You'll do I suppose." He turned his attention back to Koenig. "When can I have him?"
"I'll bring him down tonight. We'll be there in three days."
The man nodded. "I wanted to show you the area we'll be planting anyway With some help I can probably consider expanding a bit more. And it'll be good to see you."
"Anything you need me to bring?"
"Some extra provisions for the youngster would be handy. And a six-pack wouldn't be let go to waste."
"I'll see what I can do," Koenig replied with a smile.
"See you in three days."
Koenig signed off. "Richard, see to the supplies Mr. Sky wanted."
"Yes, Dad."
"Evan, Alex is waiting in the hall, he'll take you back to your quarters so you can pack. Meet me at travel tube three in an hour."
It didn't even occur to Evan to disobey. As he had felt with Dr. Koenig, he was almost compelled to do whatever this man asked. "Yes sir." He couldn't bring himself to call the man dad, but he now hoped that perhaps one day he could.
Evan turned and walked out. Alex was indeed waiting in the hall.
"What's the verdict?" Alex asked conversationally. He was standing casually in the hallway.
"He's taking me to Loki to do something with trees."
Alex nodded. "Tell Charlie I said hello. He's a good man. You'll like him. And he'll like you if you like his trees."
"So you've been sent there before?" The elevator arrived and the two stepped on board.
"I've always known Charlie, and I've helped out there a couple of times. Charlie used to work in maintenance here on Alpha when we were little. Em used to bug him for scraps of wire and stuff to make things out of. The forestry station was his idea and has always been his baby. He can tell you great stories about Earth, and all kinds of plants and animals and things like that. It's really a beautiful place."
"I've never been to Loki before."
"I love it there. Hey, Charlie usually needs extra workers to get all the planting done. Maybe I can come down for a visit."
They got off the elevator at the dormitory level. Evan stopped by the door. "Alex?"
"Yeah?"
"I kind of like the idea of having you for a brother."
Alex grinned and slapped him on the back. "You'll get used to the rest of the family too."
Evan gave a weak smile back, not quite sure yet. As they walked into his quarters Evan realized something. "Oh my gosh!"
"What?" Alex was looking around at the tiny bare apartment.
"I may already be in trouble again."
"You haven't had time to be in trouble again."
"Still then," Evan corrected.
"What is it?" Alex said, peering into the tiny cooler next to a small sink and retrieving a bottle of beer.
"I-um-" Evan pulled out his slate and activated it. It would be easier to show him.
Alex watched for a while as Suzi walked in and sat cross-legged on her bed, wearing only a pajama top. He looked up and grinned at Evan. "Emma made these impossibly small cameras when we were little. They didn't have much range, but you could see around corners or put them on the other side of walls." He looked back at the slate. "Nice angle there, bud. How many cameras did you put in?"
"Um, you're not mad?"
"Not unless you have some in my bedroom too."
Evan shook his head vigorously.
"Well, Richie will be pissed. I suppose you'd like me to get them out of there before he finds out about them."
"If you wouldn't mind..."
"I'll manage it. Get packed. It's not a good idea to keep Dad waiting."
Evan packed quickly. There wasn't much. While he packed he described where the cameras were for Alex who promised to take care of the problem for him. Then Alex walked him to the travel tube. Their father was waiting for them.
"Need a co-pilot?" Alex asked his father.
Koenig shook his head. "Not this flight. I think Evan and I need some one-on-one time. See you when I get back."
"Have a good flight," Alex told him. "See you soon, Evan. Don't worry about a thing." Alex placed his hand on Evan's shoulder.
Evan nodded and managed to smile. Then he stepped onto the travel tube with his father.
Both were silent at first. Koenig took his slate out and pulled something up on its screen.
"While I'm flying, Evan, I want you to look at something. I know you don't have any reason to believe my side of the story, but this might give some insight to how I've felt about you all these years. My wife also included those medical files she suggested you look at."
"Yes sir," Evan said faintly.
The flight to Loki was long, and enlightening. The old man had sent him a large file along with the password to decrypt it. Evan began to read it skeptically, then with more interest.
The file contained entries dated over the last fifteen years. They were letters from a father to his child, on the occasion of his birthday each year, plus other holidays and family events. The first entry was the date Evan and his mother had moved away. It began, "My son, as I watch your Eagle depart, I wonder what will become of you, how you will live your life, what kind of choices you will make..."
His father spoke about family history, things that happened on Earth, and on Alpha. He talked about Evan's brothers and sister, and he spoke about Evan's accomplishments. He seemed to know what kind of achievements Evan had made in school, sporting events that Evan had participated in, and other projects Evan had worked on. He spoke about how proud he was of him, and how impressed he was with Evan's technical abilities. Evan found that his father had kept a close eye on him-surprisingly close. There was even mention of his mother's death. His regrets that Evan had to experience that, and his hopes that Evan might now contact him, looking for the rest of his family. On Evan's last birthday the entry spoke of the regret his father had that he had not tried to contact him, and that perhaps Sarah never told Evan about his father.
When Evan finished he sat still for a while, thinking. His father knew about him, but had tried hard to do what was best for him. If he had ever picked up his slate and called his father, the response would have been immediate. He knew that now. He stood and moved forward into the pilot's section. He slipped into the co-pilot's seat. Koenig glanced at him and continued to watch the instruments.
"You didn't want to leave me alone did you?"
"No," Koenig said quietly. "I never did. If your mother had ever said one word-"
"She wouldn't have."
"No, I suppose not." Koenig looked at the younger man who looked so much like him. "I wish you didn't need to leave Alpha so soon."
"Can I... come back?"
"Of course. You'll always be welcome."
Evan nodded wondering what the future would hold for him.
Maureen J. Long
February 3, 2000