None of them truly understood what had just occurred. The strange space phenomenon that had resulted in dizziness, double vision, and the odd sensation of feeling themselves leave -- of seeing a second moon moving away from them at incredible speed -- had left the Alphans a bit confused. All they really knew was that now, inexplicable as it was, they were back on course for home; heading back toward Earth on a path that would return the moon to the precise orbit which it had left only a few months earlier, one it had occupied for a millennium and was about to claim as its own again.
Victor theorized they passed through some type of time-space warp. The moon had traveled light years in a matter of seconds, and no one was able to determine how time was affected. The only long-range data they could gather indicated the Earth was not inhabited and that the bulk of the Earth's surface was nothing more than a radioactive cinder heap. All knew there might have been devastating repercussions when the moon broke out of orbit but found it hard to accept that all life was gone from the world they had once called home. There were no controlled signals of any type, and climatic conditions were totally unlike what they had once known.
Yet the Alphans did not care. It was Earth. It was home. They could start again.
Helena Russell stepped closer to John Koenig as they all looked at the big screen in Main Mission. The words flashed across it and the computer's voice acted together, confirming that Earth orbit was established. Helena smiled with relief and laughed delightedly as David Kano grabbed her and hugged her. He moved on to someone else, and Helena found herself looking into John's eyes. For a brief instant she saw a flash of something she had not considered possible before this moment, then John smiled widely and hugged her tightly and joyfully. She returned the pressure of his arms, and when they parted, John's eyes again met hers for a long moment. Helena moved imperceptibly closer, unsure of just what John's intentions were, but she never found out. Her attention was diverted to Regina Kesslann across the room.
The woman in a red-sleeved uniform looked about Main Mission frantically, as if searching for someone or something. Helena disengaged herself from John's arms and moved toward Regina.
"Regina, are you alright?"
"Doctor Russell, I... my head!"
She was unconscious. Helena bent over to check her carefully and glanced up only when the Medical team arrived. She gave John a quick look that said she did not know what the problem was yet, then followed the nurse and orderlies out of Main Mission as they hurried Regina to the Medical unit.
Hours later, as Regina lay resting comfortably in the Medical Center, Helena poured two cups of coffee, handed one to John and glanced over her shoulder at her patient before moving off a bit so they wouldn't disturb her.
"How is she, Helena?"
"Sedated and resting comfortably. She'll be out of here sometime tomorrow."
"What happened?"
"I don't really know. I can find no physical cause for her condition nor for the severe headache she complained of just after we entered orbit. It may simply be a lingering effect from that space phenomenon we encountered."
"But no one else still seems to be bothered by the effects we experienced. You said we were all recovering."
"And we are, but Regina,... she's always been hypersensitive to unexpected stresses. She's been able to control that sensitivity remarkably well -- until now. All the events of the past two days may just have been more than what she was ready to deal with."
"But you aren't certain?"
"No, John, I'm not. We'll run more tests in the morning. Perhaps they will be more conclusive, but I'm not promising anything."
"She will be ready to help with Operation Exodus - when it comes?"
Helena nodded as she met John's eyes then sipped her coffee.
"Yes, she'll be ready, we all will. John,... how long, until Operation Exodus, I mean?"
"A few days, a week at the most. Victor is working on a detailed radio map for us. As soon as we are able to determine where the best location for settlement is and make arrangements here on Alpha, we'll be going home."
"Home. I never thought I would ever see this world again, let alone think of it as home once more. It's a good feeling, John."
He reached for her hand and held it tenderly, their eyes meeting in the dim light of simulated night in the Medical Center.
"Yes, Helena, it is."
Koenig smiled, a bit uneasily perhaps as Helena's eyes took on the same soft look he'd seen earlier in Main Mission. He wondered if she were beginning to feel toward him as he was toward her. He blinked, breaking the intense eye contact, and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
Helena nodded and released his hand. John placed his untouched coffee on the table then turned. He could feel Helena's eyes follow him to the door. There he looked back at her once more and left. Koenig slowly walked toward the nearest travel tube stop, his mind filled not with the details of Operation Exodus as he might have expected, but with thoughts of Helena Russell. They had known each other for only a short while - less than six months - and in all that time neither of them had openly admitted the increasing closeness they shared, but he was very aware of the special feelings he held for her. He had become painfully conscious of them when, just over a month before, he had ordered her - against both of their wishes and desires - onto the survival ship as Alpha neared that black sun. He had not lied when he told Helena it mattered to him where and how she died. It still mattered, perhaps more than he'd been willing or able to admit. But now things could possibly be different; perhaps things could change. He hoped they would.
The travel tube arrived and John's momentary trip into his personal feelings ended. He stepped into the car and headed for Main Mission, the details of Alpha's move to Earth suddenly flooding back to him.
Five days later John Koenig stood in the gutted emptiness of Main Mission. Total and complete evacuation of the base had taken place to the one habitable area they'd found on Earth, a valley called Santa Maria, located in what they had once known as California. Now, only a very skeleton crew remained on the base. As John took one last stroll about the center, stopping by his command chair, he realized someone had entered the room and was quietly standing by a direct vision port.
"Helena..."
"John, everything that will be going is on the last Eagle..."
"Good. I'll be along in a minute."
Helena knew it was a dismissal of sorts, but she chose to ignore it as she slowly walked to where John stood, hand on the padded back of his command chair. He heard Helena approach, not at all angry that she had remained, and only looked up when she placed her hand over his on the top of the chair.
"It is the right move, John. There can be no questioning that."
"I know. When I was told Gorski had been relieved of command and the job was mine, I wanted to celebrate for a week, in spite of knowing I was headed into trouble with more than just the probe ship. I had wanted to be back on Alpha for so long -- so badly that it hurt. This artificial garbage dump has always been very special to me, Helena. I can't explain why. I honestly don't know why, but... it isn't easy to say goodbye. Can you understand that?"
She met John's eyes, knowing only that Alpha had helped her find something she'd long ago lost -- her enthusiasm for life and for the people she knew in that life. Alpha had also helped her find the ability - the willingness - to let herself feel again, to let herself become close to someone again. She'd known it for certain when John ordered her onto that survival ship as Alpha neared the black sun, but only now was she able to admit to herself that she felt more for John than simple friendship.
There would be so much to do in order to make life on the desolate planet to which they were moving work, but there would also finally be time to devote to personal feelings and commitments. At least she hoped so, and she nodded in answer to John's question.
"Yes, I think I can, John... in part anyway."
He also nodded, their eyes still locked. He was suddenly aware of not wanting to say goodbye to Alpha alone, and he grasped Helena's hand, then looked about the room one last time. He sighed heavily, glanced at Helena, then released her hand for a moment.
Slowly Koenig walked to the one remaining intact computer panel on the wall. It housed a clock, and a red and a green button. His final official act as the ninth and last commander of Moonbase Alpha was to activate the automatic navigation beacon. He did so, looked at it for a moment, then turned back to Helena. He nodded once.
"Goodbye, Alpha."
His hand held out to her, Helena joined him. Their hands clasped, and together they left Main Mission, their life on Alpha coming to an end.
* * * * *
John Koenig watched from the crest of a small rise not far from their base camp. He could see Paul Morrow and David Kano at work on the frame structure of the geodesic dome that would eventually become someone's home. Sandra and Tanya were unpacking several crates while Alan Carter, Regina Kesslann and several others worked on waterproofing the holding tank for what would later become their central water supply. Helena Russell was tending to the minor injury someone had sustained while enjoying the fresh air and not paying attention to where he was walking. The place was gradually taking on the feel of permanence, and it looked good, but something about the whole situation bothered John. It was not the fact his people still turned to him for leadership and guidance. That was to be expected. He had seen them through what most believed would be their ending, and it was only natural for them to look to him for direction now. As they became more established, more settled on their home world, that would change, although to some he would always be 'the commander.'
No, it was the unknown, the unexpected that bothered John. He was troubled by thoughts of failure -- not from their own shortcomings or choices, but from the uncontrollable, from the many factors they could not anticipate.
"You seem rather pensive, John. Something wrong?"
Koenig had not heard Victor approach and now turned to him, trying to dismiss the glum look he wore.
"Just thinking about the future, Victor."
"We have all been doing a great deal of that lately. Usually it brings a smile to the face, not a frown."
"Don't get me wrong, Victor. I'm delighted with the progress we have made in just a week. This place is even beginning to have that comfortable 'home' feeling to it, the one we've all missed."
"But..."
Koenig looked at his friend and inclined his head, bringing a hand up to his chin as he contemplated the best way to phrase his thoughts.
"... But, what if something should go wrong? Some event we are unable to foresee or forestall occurs? We could all be wiped out in a matter of days -- or hours. The end of the Alphans, of all our dreams and hopes, perhaps even the end of the human race for all we know. I don't want to see that happen; don't want to let that happen."
"What do you suggest, John?"
Koenig glanced at Victor again, then returned his gaze to the settlement and the activity below him. The scientist had a good idea of what his plan might be but wanted to hear it spoken.
"The habitable area of this valley is nearly 75 miles long and 10 miles wide. That's almost 750 square miles of viable land. I think we should split up and establish several small communities all up and down the valley. Then should something happen to one settlement, the others would still have a fighting chance of combating and overcoming the problem. It would give all of us a very real opportunity at survival and growth."
"Have you mentioned this to anyone else, John?"
"No, I haven't. Do you think it feasible, Victor?"
"It's what the others think that matters, John."
Koenig had to agree. He would present the idea to all the settlers to get their reactions and feedback; but in the end, the final decision was still his until the others saw fit to take that responsibility from him. He would do what he thought was best for everyone concerned. And it was not a difficult decision to make. Everyone agreed with the wisdom of his plan, so Koenig and his top advisors, the ones on whom he had relied heavily while still on Alpha, began to make arrangements. They saw it as the only way of ensuring that at least some of the Alphan people would make a go of it on this familiar yet strange world they called home.
Finally, after much careful planning and division of resources, less than four weeks after their move from Alpha, the first of five smaller communities was established. It was only half a day's walk from the main settlement, and that established the pattern for the remaining four. None were more than half a day's walk from the previous settlement, thus allowing for relatively fast communication in case of an emergency. Over the next ten weeks the remainder of the settlements was begun. John was sad to see his people go but said goodbye to them with the certainty that in years to come, most of them would still be alive.
John watched as the final group of settlers left the base camp to begin their new community at the far end of the valley. He felt someone beside him and glanced over to find Helena Russell standing there. He was delighted she was still with him, as were Victor, Alan Carter, Paul Morrow, Sandra, David, Tanya, Regina Kesslann, and several others with whom he had worked in Main Mission or as the more senior members of various departments. He smiled at Helena.
"This place will seem awfully empty with so few people around."
"Perhaps for awhile, John, but we'll adjust. And... it won't stay empty for long."
He smiled at her mischievously and turned so he could look directly at her.
"Are you trying to tell me something, Doctor?"
She glanced up at him, then shook her head and smiled a bit.
"No, John, but you must know there will eventually be children for some of us. There's no way to avoid it -- and no reason to."
"Yes, I do know. This place needs the laughter of a child to bring it all together."
"Or the cries of a baby?"
John settled his hands on Helena's shoulders and squeezed gently.
"You miss little Jackie too?"
Helena only nodded. Young Jackie Crawford had been born during the early stages of preparing for the establishment of other communities. It had not been an easy birth -- for Cynthia or her son -- but both recovered quickly and had been among those in the last group to leave the base camp. Everyone missed the little guy already.
"He's always going to be very special -- to many of us, John."
"So will all the children, Helena. They'll have to be."
John was right. The Alphans had longed for a world on which to begin again, longed for a chance to build homes and families. Now it was only a matter of time.
Dusk had begun to settle and the full moon to cast a pale yellow light over everything. John looked at Helena and moved his hands down her arms until their fingers met.
"Would you like to go for a walk?"
Helena nodded and allowed John to clasp her hand. There had not been as much time for personal involvement in the last weeks as Helena originally hoped, but that was bound to change. It had to.
Together they walked in silence, Helena tightening her grip on John's hand just a bit. They passed several other couples -- Paul and Sandra included -- on their way to a spot John had not shown anyone before. He was certain others had discovered it, but he liked to think that he alone knew of its existence. The small area, located just off the river and lake that supplied water to the entire valley, was set back from the shore and partially enclosed by trees -- trees that provided a touch of green in an otherwise dull and brown world. They were slowly changing that, slowly urging the dormant vegetation back to life, but it would take time, as would everything on this world. For the moment, this spot was a small reminder of the Earth they had known.
Even in the moonlight it was a lovely place. The shadows cast were soft and inviting. John heard Helena gasp when she first saw it, and he smiled.
"John?"
"I found this place a couple weeks ago when I was helping Dave Reilly with his sample gathering. I've come here several times when I've needed to be alone to think... or just sit. I've never told anyone about it, not even Victor. I suppose others know of it, but..."
John felt Helena place her hand on his arm then give it a gentle squeeze, and he looked from the view of the lake to her. She was smiling up at him, understanding how important it was that he had brought her there. He'd shared a part of himself with her that no one else knew of. Her eyes reflected the pale moonlight and impulsively John gathered Helena into his arms, held her gently but tightly, and bent down to meet her lips with his.
Helena tensed as John placed a firm kiss on her mouth but relaxed quickly, her arms inching up to encircle his neck. She no longer wanted to deny what she'd begun to feel for this man.
The kiss lasted longer than John had really intended, but when they drew apart, Helena did not indicate she was upset. Instead she rested her head on his shoulder, her arms still about him for a moment before looking up to meet John's gaze, a contented glow on her face. John swallowed hard, then slid his hands slowly down the curve of her back. He felt her shiver slightly in response. When he finally spoke, his voice was very soft.
"Helena, I've wanted to do that for a long time."
"And, I've wanted you to do it for a long time, John."
She had glanced down but now let her gaze meet John's again. He embraced her tightly once more, feeling her relax completely. He wanted them to be together for all time right away but somehow sensed it would be wiser if he waited.
Helena sensed it too. She slowly pulled away from John and took a few steps off, eyes resting on her hands. She was confused and really didn't know why. Perhaps it was because she had not adjusted to the thought of John being anything more to her than commander and friend. On Alpha she had known that, no matter what she felt for this man, the time was wrong. Here... she didn't know.
"Helena..."
"John,... perhaps we should start back? I have a busy day tomorrow."
"All right, Helena."
She turned toward him then and smiled uneasily. She was uncomfortable around him suddenly, because her head was telling her to take things slowly, to give their relationship a chance to develop gradually while her heart was saying something totally different. She was unsure what to do and could feel her head winning.
"I'm glad you brought me here, John. It is a lovely place, for thinking or... whatever you need to be alone for."
"I know."
He took a step closer to Helena, and she met him halfway, holding her hand out to him. He took it, glad to know Helena was not angry with him, only confused. They returned to the main settlement in silence. Outside the curtain door to the geodesic dome Helena shared with Sandra Benes, she met his eyes again.
"Sleep well, Helena. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Goodnight, John. Thank you."
She reached up and placed a kiss on his cheek then parted the curtains and disappeared into the shadows on the other side of them. Sandra was about to turn in, and she looked up to meet Helena's eyes then smiled quietly. It was an unspoken rule between the two women not to ask each other about their personal lives unless it was openly brought up, but Sandra knew by the shine in Helena's eyes and on her face that things between her and the commander were soon to take on a new aspect. It was about time.
As John watched the curtains fall back and Helena merge into the shadows, he had a sudden urge to follow her, to let her know exactly how he was feeling about her but could not. He had to let it progress slowly. Knowing that made it no less difficult, but he was also certain that eventually he and Helena would work things out to their mutual satisfaction.
A total and complete sacrifice of all resources had been made in order to make their life on Earth workable. Eagles, power and life support systems, fuel resources, and even commlocks had all gone into providing materials for the construction of new homes and buildings on Earth. And it was paying off. The communities were doing well. The carefully cultivated crops, planted from seeds stored on Alpha for future experimental purposes, produced an adequate yield, and they eagerly watched as the crops grew toward maturity.
Also growing toward maturity were the romantic relationships of the community. Paul and Sandra were quite serious about one another, while Alan, David and Tanya were all in various stages of romantic entanglements. John and Helena, too, were seeing a great deal of one another, but neither had taken the initiative to tell the other how they were feeling. John sensed that Helena knew he was falling -- had fallen -- in love with her but could not really tell if the same were true for her. He hesitated to tell her until he was more certain of her feelings. He tried to sound her out about it several times but had only met with an uneasy smile. Could it be that Helena did not know how she felt about him? Everyone else seemed to know they were right for each other, but Helena was reluctant to commit herself in any way.
The day after Paul and Sandra announced they would marry at the end of the following month, John found himself alone with Helena as they walked toward the community building for the weekly progress reports. He smiled and slipped his arm about her; Helena returned the gesture. John could not deny there was something very positive between them, but it had gone no further than simple physical contact -- holding hands, embraces, and occasional serious kisses. Still it was there; he enjoyed it and wanted it to continue.
"Did you know about Sandra and Paul before yesterday?"
"I suspected it, John."
"Sandra didn't tell you?"
"No. She's a very private person, John and it has been an unspoken rule that we not ask about each other's personal lives unless the person with the problem brings it up."
Koenig glanced at Helena for a moment, knowing then that she had not confided in Sandra as to her feelings for him. She too was a rather private person and rarely opened up, even to him. He really knew very little about Helena, except what he had read in her personnel file and what he had learned concerning her marriage and late husband when they'd encountered Terra Nova months earlier. From time to time she might refer to the past but never in great detail, and the few times he had asked about her childhood or past, Helena had given him enough information to answer the question and nothing more. John could not help but feel as if Helena were protecting herself by her lack of information about herself. From what or whom he had no idea. All he did know was that Helena kept him in an almost constant state of confusion about their relationship. He doubted it was deliberate on Helena's part, only that she too was confused about her feelings for him.
They were nearing the centralized community building, and John slowed a bit, not really wanting to attend the meeting but knowing he had to. People still looked to him for advice when major decisions had to be made. Gradually they were coming to trust their own judgment more, but not completely. As with everything on this world, it would come in time.
"Helena,... I'd like to see you after the meeting."
"Of course, John, but we can sit together now if you like."
"I like that idea a lot, but I promised Victor and David I'd sit with them. Meet me right here afterward?"
Helena nodded and watched John smile, then together they entered the building. Alan quickly brought the meeting to order, beginning as most business meetings did with old business from the week before. Helena tried to pay attention during the early minutes, but after she and Tanya had given their joint report on the progress they'd made in the textile area -- the carding, spinning and weaving of materials for the cloth they were in charge of making, she found that her thoughts were beginning to drift across the room to John Koenig. Her eyes rested on him as he sat beside David Kano and a slight smile touched her lips. She knew he cared a great deal for her and had been very patient with her, not forcing his attentions on her and being content to let things progress slowly; but Helena began to wonder if perhaps it was going too slowly -- because of her. While she pretended not to know why she was reluctant to become more fully involved with John, in reality she did know. She was frightened -- frightened of becoming as involved with John as she wanted to, as she had dreamed of, and frightened by the possibility that she might not allow herself to experience that. She was feeling some of the same things she'd experienced with Lee in their early days together but to a much stronger degree. Helena knew if she allowed herself to become that involved with John and something should happen...
Helena averted her eyes from John, not wanting to think about it. In a way she was not completely over Lee, she never would be, but suspected John understood that, accepted that, and still cared for her. She shook her head slightly. When it came to John, nothing made sense to her. All she could sort out was her desire to see him everyday and her need to have him as a part of her life.
Sensing the meeting had come to a close, Helena blinked then stood as those about her rose. She chatted briefly with Yolanda Johnson, who had been seeing a great deal of David Kano in recent weeks, and nodded to Regina as they brushed past one another. Regina was on her way to meet Alan, and Helena was enroute to see John. She stepped into the evening air and glanced toward the sky. The Milky Way could easily be seen, higher in the sky than she remembered, but it was still a comforting sight. For all the problems they faced now and in the future, this place, this planet was home.
"Helena."
She turned to find John only a pace or two behind her. She smiled easily and slipped her hand into his as he closed the distance between them. The moon in its new phase could not be seen, but the stars were brilliant.
"A good meeting tonight."
Helena only nodded. She really hadn't been paying that much attention as her mind had been on other, more important matters. As she glanced up at John she asked herself why she had been so hesitant toward him. She had hoped of and dreamed of a life with John ever since the day they decided to leave Alpha. While everyone was extremely busy trying to make their life easier here, others still found time to work on their personal relationships. Paul and Sandra were an excellent example. Helena smiled, the decision to spend more time with John beginning right then, made. They had been on Earth for nearly seven months. It was time. She was ready.
"It's a lovely night, Helena. Would you like to go for a walk?"
"All right, John, but only if you'll promise to come in for a drink when you take me home."
John glanced at Helena with a startled smile. He wasn't sure, but he thought Helena had just made the first move toward the next stage of their relationship. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
"Anything you say."
Happily they started on their walk. John had to admit he was a bit confused by Helena's sudden change of attitude but liked it a great deal.
Two and a half hours later, as Helena rinsed out the cups they had used for their drinks then moved toward her bed to prepare for the night, her thoughts returned to the decisions about John and their relationship that faced her. She could not deny her feelings for him, yet she hesitated to put a label on them, fearing she was not totally ready for what those feelings, that word, could lead to. It was a difficult situation for her, but only because she was making it so. She readily admitted that.
Helena removed her shoes then reached across the bedside table to light a lantern. The soft light cast by the flame flickered and hurt her eyes a bit. She would be glad when the generator was finally operational and they could again use electricity. It would not be long now. Joseph Willis said the problems were nearly ironed out -- that much of the meeting she had paid attention to. She also knew John was eager to get the project up and running. Seven months without the electricity they had all grown up with was a challenge to all their abilities to adapt.
John... He had been so kind and patient with her ever since the night they shared a first kiss. Helena knew he wanted their relationship to be so much more than it was and was surprised by his patience. She had always seen him at his worst on Alpha; demanding data at a second's notice with little tolerance for sentimentality or emotionalism. But things were quite different now. They were back on familiar ground, and the lives of over 300 people were no longer balanced on his shoulders.
Helena began to undress, placing her threadbare uniform on a nearby chair and slipped on her one remaining good pair of pajamas. All would be getting a new wardrobe as soon as she and Tanya could weave enough cloth for the entire settlement. Knotting the belt about her waist, Helena looked off into the shadows of her room. She cleared her mind of all thoughts but John, knowing she had to make a firm decision; a commitment to John, and soon. Memories began to come back to her. The thoughts and obvious physical attraction she'd felt for him at her first meeting with John; her concern for his safety in the days before Breakaway masked by a professional facade she'd tried to maintain, but one she was almost certain had been transparent to John. She also remembered his care and concern when they encountered Terra Nova and wondered if there had not been a touch of jealousy on John's part when he learned the mirror image of Lee Russell, her husband but in anti-matter form, had appeared on Alpha.
Helena recalled again the private conversation she and John held in his office just before the survival ship left. In those few moments they'd grown much closer; they had grown to understand one another better and realized they could be more to each other than just friends if the situation would allow -- such as now. And a few days later when she had been taken over by the Triton probe, Helena realized John was risking his life for her. His words of caring how and where she died had not been empty ones. Just as his actions over the last few months had not been empty ones either. He loved her although he'd not said it in so many words. Helena could not deny the fact that John made her feel good all over. The physical attraction she'd felt for him from the beginning was as strong as ever, and she had dreamed of what a night of intimacy with him might be like just as she had dreamed of what life with him might be like. But was it love, and one strong enough to see her through any and all problems they faced in the days and years to come?
Helena stood and walked to the door, parting the curtain to look out at the evening. A gentle breeze had begun to blow, and there was still a bit of activity about, but for the most part it was quiet. She glanced across the settlement toward where John lived and after a moment fixed her gaze on the brilliant stars overhead.
The future was the key to her problem. Did she want to continue as she was with John, or did she want to participate in her dream and in the dreams of the others; that of building a home of her own on this world? Helena would not kid herself about the possibility of a family. She doubted it was part of her destiny, something she could not control. But she could control her own actions and she was certain she did not want to continue as she was. Yes it was love. She did love John Koenig. And whether it was strong enough to withstand all the future problems was a risk she would take. Whatever happened because of that love was welcomed. Helena smiled.
John Koenig stood by the door of his quarters enjoying the breeze. He thought of going back to see Helena, of asking her what her feelings for him were, but finally decided it would not be a wise move. She needed time still. And the hour was late. While he could see a dim light in her window at the other end of the settlement, he suspected she would be turning in soon. Instead he headed toward Victor's home, hoping his friend would be in a talking mood. As he walked he encountered Alan Carter seeing Regina Kesslann home. There had been no recurrence of the woman's headaches since their move to Earth, and Helena had put them down to simply a lingering effect of the space phenomenon. They exchanged nods as they passed, Alan giving John a happy grin. Not far away were Tanya and Joseph Willis, engaged in conversation outside his door. A little further on John heard David Kano and Yolanda Johnson murmuring to one another. Koenig smiled and kept his ears to himself.
Encouraged by the light in Victor's window, knowing he was inclined to be a bit of a night owl, John knocked lightly and entered the domed home at his friend's bidding. The scientist was bent over his indoor rose garden carefully checking for bugs. He looked up and smiled at John.
"Still up, John."
"Yes, I... just couldn't settle down to sleep, Victor."
Koenig fell silent and Victor left his task to step closer to John. He knew that look in John's eyes and knew he was deeply troubled by something. He placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. He knew what the problem was too.
"Is it Helena?"
John looked at Bergman sharply, knowing without asking that Victor was aware of more about him than he admitted to.
"Yes. I care for her Victor. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her, but she... she has me so confused. I don't know what to do next, what she wants me to do."
"Have you said anything to her?"
"I've wanted to, Victor. I really have, many times, but... I don't want to frighten her. I don't want her to feel as if she has to commit to anything until she is ready."
"Perhaps all she needs is a little push, John. Helena may be as confused as you are. It hasn't been very long since that incident with her husband."
Victor ended his sentence abruptly, aware that John was less than comfortable with the mention of Lee Russell. Bergman turned back toward his roses, feeling John's eyes follow his movements.
"Try giving Helena a little special attention every now and then. She is a woman, John, a woman before anything else."
Koenig looked at Victor quizzically then wandered over to join him by the roses. He glanced at Victor again, and the man nodded, a smile on his face. For John and Helena, he would gladly donate some of the special attention.
It was late the next evening when Helena heard a knock outside her door. She rose from where she sat at the large floor loom and glanced at Sandra, hoping it did not mean a medical emergency. She was quietly surprised to find John standing there. Feeling the gentle electricity in the air, Sandra excused herself and brushed past John on her way out as he stepped into the room. He glanced about quickly. Helena's medical books were stacked to one side, out of the way but easily accessible should they ever be needed. The large, 300 harness floor loom where Helena spent a great deal of her time dominated the room, and off to the side were her desk and personal articles. The room, except for the loom, was arranged and decorated much as her quarters on Alpha had been, yet modified a bit by the things that were distinctly Sandra's. It was a friendly and comfortable home.
"I hope I'm not calling too late, Helena?"
"No, I was still working, John. Sandra and I were discussing her wedding plans."
He nodded and sensed a change in Helena as their eyes met. She seemed calmer, more content, and more at ease around him than she had in a long time. He studied her for a moment then smiled as he brought the roses from behind his back.
"For you, Helena."
She gasped with appreciation and delight while gently taking the roses from him.
"Oh, John, they're beautiful..."
"... So are you, Helena."
Their eyes met and John's hand lingered on hers as she held the flowers. He could see a calmness in her eyes that had not been there before, but she turned away quickly before he could look any deeper.
"I'd better put these in water."
Helena busied herself with the task, wondering why John had suddenly decided to be so outspoken. He'd told her she was lovely or beautiful before -- at least implied it -- but never in the tone or with the conviction of moments ago. She walked over to place the flowers on the table that stood between her bed and Sandra's, and John followed. She felt his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him.
"... Thank you, John."
He smiled gently, his hands sliding from her shoulders down her arms, coming to rest on her waist.
"I want you to know something. I've wanted you to know for a long time. Helena, I love you."
Their eyes were locked and Helena did not even blink. She simply accepted it for the fact it was. Gradually she ran her hands up to rest on John's chest.
"And I love you, John."
"You do?"
She smiled and laughed lightly at the expression of delighted wonder on his face.
"Yes. I have for a long time, but I just wasn't ready to admit it to you, to myself because... I don't know why."
"It doesn't matter, Helena."
Deliberately John tightened his hold on Helena, and drew her to him in an embrace then into a long and ardent kiss. She responded eagerly, pleased by the sensations she was experiencing and by the comfort she felt in John's embrace. She had been a fool to deny her feelings for this man for so long.
They broke apart slowly, reluctantly. John sensed what the evening could bring and moved closer again, but Helena shook her head. Their eyes met. Helena's were soft, warm, and inviting, but also regretful. His fingers gently entwined in Helena's hair, John watched as Helena swallowed hard.
"John, Sandra will be back."
He sighed and nodded. Placing a kiss on her lips, John left. Helena sighed lightly and turned to look at the roses he had given her, smiling to no one but herself.
During the next month John and Helena spent as much time with one another as possible. As they neared the end of their eighth month on Earth, a day of celebration was declared for the settlement. The carefully cultivated crops, planted from the seeds stored on Alpha, produced an adequate harvest, assuring them enough to eat until the next harvest could be brought in. All wanted to celebrate that, just as they all wished to share in the joy of Sandra and Paul as they married. While no one would have objected to a less formal living arrangement, they had decided that marriage was what they wanted.
Dressed in the long, loose-fitting robes of hand woven cloth that Helena and Tanya had labored to finish in time for their wedding, Sandra and Paul exchanged the vows they had written themselves. After much rejoicing, the newlyweds were escorted to a small hut built not far from the place where John and Helena had shared a first kiss. It was to become the honeymoon spot for any couple who chose to use it.
With no one desiring to intrude on the couple's privacy, those who had accompanied them to the hut all quietly returned to the main settlement, John and Helena included. Helena wore a contented smile on her face. John shared it as he slipped his arm about her waist and hugged her affectionately.
"Happy to be living alone again, Helena?"
"No, not really, although I'm delighted for Paul and Sandra. It means we've truly made the adjustment to life here."
"I thought we had done that several months ago."
"Perhaps superficially, John, but deep down inside there were still some doubts. No one wanted to voice them for fear of ridicule or anger on the parts of others for harboring such ideas, but the thoughts were there. The forming of permanent bonds, such as marriage and children later on, is a very good way to rid ourselves of those doubts. The first move toward the future is to start living, not day to day as we have been, but from week to week, month to month, and so on. Now that the first step has been taken, that Paul and Sandra are married, others will soon follow."
John wanted to ask if they would be among those to follow but did not. Helena was not in the mood for that kind of serious discussion but rather wanted to celebrate with the others. John could understand that. They all needed a chance to relax -- himself included.
As they returned to the central community building, the festive mood of the day did not fade. The fermented fruit juice several people were experimenting with was flowing freely. By early evening, Helena had consumed more than her share and was feeling quite well. While she was not exactly drunk, she was growing rather flirtatious. John was the center of her attention, and while he was pleased she showed no interest in anyone else, it also embarrassed him a bit. Up until now, Helena had been quite reserved in showing her affection for him, allowing John to take the lead. Having indulged a bit himself, he was not certain about his own ability to keep things tasteful, and the first chance he got, he excused himself and Helena from the party.
They stepped into the evening air, and the brisk, cool breeze helped to sober them both up a bit. John had intended simply to walk Helena home, see her safely inside, then return home to his own bed and a solo night's sleep. Instead, as they stepped into Helena's room, all traces of Sandra gone and moved to the place she and Paul would be sharing, Helena turned to John and put her arms about him. He returned the embrace, his mouth resting against the side of her head. The closeness of her body and his own lightheadedness from the wine combined to change his mind about his intentions. John tightened his hold on Helena and bent down to let his lips caress her neck. She responded with a soft, encouraging sigh and ran her hands down his back. Their lips sought one another's and met in an ardent, demanding kiss. When they parted and their eyes met, Helena's held an invitation John could not refuse. Slowly they moved toward the bed and sat. Their stares were intense, and Helena leaned close to whisper words of love in John's ear as he slipped his boots off and eased them both to the mattress, Helena's head resting on the pillows.
Knowing they had all night, John and Helena took the time to learn what the other liked and put that knowledge into gentle use. She found John to be a strong, yet considerate and caring lover, while John delighted in Helena's ability to arouse him in more ways than he thought possible.
As she lay curled next to him in the early morning hours listening to his gentle snoring, Helena could only smile contentedly. She had no regrets about the night just past and eagerly anticipated more nights of love with this man, in whatever form their relationship took.
True to Helena's prediction, other couples soon began to take the step into marriage or other living arrangements not long after Paul and Sandra's marriage. Tanya and Joseph were the first to move in together, while only a few weeks later David and Yolanda married. Everyone believed they had just about gotten the roommate situation sorted out when, to everyone's surprise, Alan Carter and Regina Kesslann announced they too planned to marry. Believing Alan to be a confirmed bachelor, the men gave him quite an elaborate send-off, while the women were curious as to how Regina had convinced Alan to give up his single life. Regina would only smile, but for the record, Helena assured everyone it was not because they "had to" -- there was no little Carter on the way. Just ten months after their move to Earth found the main settlement with three married couples, several who were co-habiting, and more planning on similar living arrangements. The news from the other settlements was the same.
As they sat in the secluded area near the lake close to the currently vacant honeymoon hut, Helena's head resting on John's shoulder, their gazes were fixed on the evening sky. Ever since the night of Sandra's and Paul's marriage they had spent as much time alone together as possible, especially at night. Their discovery of each other's intimate desires had passed many hours, and John found he was learning so much more about Helena than ever before. Once she decided she did love him, she had no reason not to share her past with him. She was more comfortable with him than ever before, but John found he still wasn't satisfied with the way their relationship was. He wanted it to be so much more.
Gazing at the stars, Helena was pleased to see constellations she knew once again, to see the moon in the night sky, and to feel the sun on her face. John ran his fingers through her hair, his other hand clasping hers gently. He smiled at her and kissed her on the lips. She smiled back, shifting slightly so she could put her arms about his neck. She could sense contentment within John and happiness with their situation. But there was also a trace of something else there, and her smile changed to a look of concerned questioning.
Gently John traced the outline of Helena's jaw, his eyes meeting and searching hers. He had almost everything he wanted -- a new chance on Earth, hard work to keep him busy and fit, food, shelter, clothing, and good friends. Only one thing could make his life more complete, and she was in his arms right there.
"John, is something wrong?"
"Why do you ask that?"
"You look so... sad."
John took his arms from around her and pulled Helena to a sitting position. It was too dark to see what her eyes really were reflecting, but John knew she sensed he was about to discuss something very important with her. He put his hands on her shoulders and drew her to him for a kiss then looked into her eyes.
"John, what is it?"
"I don't know any way to say this but to come right out with it... Helena, I love you. I want us to be married."
Helena's reaction was not what she expected it to be or what she imagined it might be. There was no surprise to his statement. Helena simply nodded her agreement, a soft smile on her face and in her eyes.
"I'd like that a lot, John."
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure. I love you. What better reason is there?"
He smiled slowly and looked down at their clasped hands. Their eyes met once more, and then they came together for a long, gentle kiss. Helena relaxed in John's arms and settled beside him when they parted.
"Who shall we tell first?"
"Victor."
John only smiled. Long ago he had allowed himself to dream of a life with Helena, but until they had returned to Earth, it had remained only a dream. Now it would be a reality, one Victor believed in long before John had. He smiled and placed a kiss on the side of Helena's head. They would tell Victor first.
Seven weeks later, only one week short of their one-year anniversary on Earth, John Koenig and Helena Russell were married. As with all marriages, it was a day of celebration in the settlement. Word spread quickly, and representatives from the other settlements arrived to participate in the festivities as well. Nearly everyone had at least suspected there had been something going on between John and Helena as long ago as when they were back on the moon. They were pleased to see both of them so obviously happy and their relationship openly confirmed.
The wedding ceremony, as it came to be thought of on this new Earth, was a simple one. It involved none of the extravagance some weddings had taken on before Breakaway. Now it only involved the two participants openly declaring their love and intentions before anyone who cared to witness it. Some chose to use the old, time-tested vows associated with the traditional marriage service, but feeling the need to establish new traditions, John and Helena simply shared some of what they felt for one another with the people gathered together that day -- all the people who were their friends.
After the celebrating was over, John and Helena were escorted to the honeymoon hut then left alone. Inside they found a bottle of very aged wine, compliments of Victor, and a basket of fruit and bread from Sandra and Paul.
As they lay curled together in the gentle afterglow of love, the dim light of a fire bouncing off their skin, John pulled the covers over Helena's shoulders while she snuggled closer, her head resting on his shoulder, arms about his waist. She smiled and placed a kiss on his cheek.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine, John. I haven't felt like this since our first night together."
Koenig chuckled and tightened his embrace of her.
"We'll have to see what we can do about making it more of a regular practice."
Helena shifted so she could gaze down at John. The touch of her skin against his chest sent shivers through John's body, and his hands moved beneath the covers bringing an excited smile to his wife's eyes. She didn't need to answer his earlier statement; her eyes told John all he wanted to know. Helena brought her head down to meet John's lips in an enticing kiss. He responded eagerly, the sheets falling to the floor as he rolled her onto her back, her fingers entwined in his hair.
* * * * *
About to celebrate their three-month anniversary, Helena was planning a quiet evening alone with John when she received a call from Sandra Morrow. When Sandra left to go find Paul an hour and a half later, Helena was almost as happy as her former roommate. They were soon to have an addition to their community. John passed Sandra on his way home from a day in the fields and had been puzzled by the uncontrolled smile on her face. He accepted Helena's kiss and embrace of welcome, and after a shower, he hugged her happily.
"I passed Sandra on the way home, she was about ready to explode with excitement. Did you have anything to do with that?"
"Not really. I only confirmed what she was hoping. Paul and Sandra are to be parents in a few months."
John smiled as well. He missed the sounds of children on this world, as he had on Alpha, and wondered how long it would be until the skies again rang with their shouts, cries, and laughter. He also wondered how long it would be until he and Helena had a small one of their own, yet he did not mention it. The time was wrong, even though it was the one thing they had not fully discussed. John knew he could wait. When Helena was ready would be time enough.
Six and a half months later Sandra gave birth to a son, whom they named Andrew Paul. He had his mother's dark hair and eyes and his father's hands. Paul hoped someday his son too would be a musician and perhaps compose new songs for the new civilization they were building. Sandra hoped only that he would grow to be a strong and healthy young man.
For several days after Andrew's birth, Helena stayed with Sandra during the day helping out where she could while Paul was at work in the fields. When the baby was a week old, John walked with Paul after they finished the day's chores. Together they quietly entered the domed structure, finding Helena busy near the cook stove. She was preparing the evening meal for the Morrows and smiled as the men entered, exchanging greetings.
"Sandra with the baby?"
"No, she's getting some air out back. Andrew is sleeping."
She nodded toward the boy's cradle, and Paul took a quick look then hurried off to find his wife.
Helena smiled and turned back to her cooking. She stirred the pot of steaming stew and checked the biscuits she had in the oven. John watched quietly from where he stood near the sleeping infant. The hand-woven robes they all wore now were not quite as flattering to the figure as their uniforms had been, but he really didn't mind. They were more functional for the work they did and the climate they now lived in, and certainly they were much easier to repair. The dark-colored robe Helena wore was a contrast to her lighter complexion, and he enjoyed that. Helena sensed he was watching her and turned toward him, a smile on her face.
"Sandra asked us to stay for dinner but I declined. She and Paul need to be alone for awhile... So do we."
Koenig nodded and moved to take Helena in his arms. They'd not seen much of each other the past week with Helena helping Sandra and trying to keep her own ordinary workload on schedule. When they were alone, Helena was tired and wanted only to sleep. They met each other's eyes and John smiled.
"I like that idea, Helena."
She was about to respond when Andrew stirred and began to make a fuss. Helena gave John a small smile and a shrug of her shoulders before breaking away from him to walk to the child's cradle. She carefully checked to see what was wrong, changed him, then smiled at John as she picked Andrew up. He was watching her again, and the look in his eye prompted her to step closer to him.
"Would you like to hold him, John."
"May I?"
"Of course."
Helena placed the baby in John's arms then smiled at both of them. John looked at her, a grin on his face, and she nodded then turned away to hide the deep sadness in her eyes. She had seen in John's eyes, on his face, the delight of a newborn child and the desire for one of their own. Helena did not know how he would react when he learned the facts. She returned to the kitchen area, washed her hands, then turned to the stove to give the stew another stir and remove the biscuits before they burned. Helena heard Paul and Sandra enter and pivoted back toward the center of the room. Paul, the proud look and glow of a new father on his face, joined John and smiled down at his son, allowing the boy to grasp his finger with a tiny white fist.
"Are you certain you will not stay for supper, Helena?"
"Thank you, Sandra, but I think it best if we don't. Everything here is ready, and Andrew has just been changed."
"Thank you for everything, Helena. You have been a great help to Sandra and me."
"It was my pleasure, Paul. Call me if you need anything."
"We will. Thank you, Helena."
Sandra gave her a friendly hug while John handed the baby over to his father. They all exchanged good night wishes, and the Koenigs left. John slipped his arm about Helena's waist as they began to walk slowly back to their own home, the first traces of dusk beginning to settle over the community. Lights were glowing in the windows of several homes they passed, and the cooking scents of evening meals drifted on the nearly still breeze.
"You did a nice thing, helping them out this week."
"I wanted to, John. Having a new baby in the house isn't always an easy adjustment to make. And... it's hard to resist the charm of a newborn."
Even in the gathering darkness John could see Helena smiling. He did likewise, giving her a gentle squeeze.
"I think your maternal instincts are pushing through, Helena. Perhaps we should consider starting a family of our own soon."
Helena tensed noticeably and slowed a bit as John looked down at her, worry lining his face. They were only a few yards from the door to their home.
"Helena, what is it?"
She looked at John sadly, unsure of how to tell him. He was her husband and had a right to know. She only hoped he would not be angry with her for not having told him the truth before they were married.
"Let's go inside, John."
She led the way, parting the curtains as he followed. She reached to turn on a light but thought better of it. Her back was to John, and Helena felt him place firm hands on her shoulders. She straightened, and he turned the light on. The electric generator providing current to the entire settlement was powered by a combination of hydro-electric, solar, and wind power and was backed up by an unlimited supply of radioactive waste only a four day journey from their settlement. Everyone hoped they would never need that back-up but realized its usefulness should the need arise.
The light hurt their eyes for a moment, and as Helena turned to face John, a tear brimmed in her eye. He did not know if it was due to the abrupt change from dark to light or due to something else. He could not quite understand why the mention of a family of their own would upset Helena so.
"Helena, what is it? Don't you want children? Seeing you with Andrew all week..."
"It's not that, John. There's nothing I'd like more than to have children, and I certainly don't have any objections to our trying, but... you should know that in all probability, it won't happen."
He shook his head slowly, his eyes fixed on Helena as she glanced at the floor then slowly sat in the chair by the desk they shared. He knelt beside her, taking her hands in his.
"I realize you're not as... youthful as some of the others, but surely..."
"That's... not the reason, John. I really wish it were, but... Lee and I tried for all but the first year of our marriage. While he was enroute to Jupiter, I saw a specialist. She said there was a blockage in both tubes. It could be surgically removed and my fertility restored. Without the surgery my chances of conceiving were practically nil. I wanted to talk with Lee about it, so I decided to wait until he returned. When he never came back, I saw no reason to have the surgery. I'm sorry, John, I..."
She looked into his eyes, not quite able to read what she saw there. Slowly he shook his head.
"Helena, you could never have known what was to come; that I was in your future. Is there any chance at all?"
"Perhaps a small one. Occasionally, with time, these things can correct themselves. There's just no way to be sure..."
"Except to try?"
Helena smiled a bit shyly and nodded her head. John leaned forward and kissed her cheek tenderly.
"Then that's what we'll do. And until we have a little one of our own, we'll just have to settle for being 'Aunt Helena and Uncle John' to all the other children born here."
Helena met his eyes again, this time reading them easily. There was no sarcasm there or in his voice, only love and understanding.
"You're not disappointed?"
"Perhaps a little bit, but we don't know yet that we won't conceive, and no matter what does happen, it won't change a thing between us."
John smiled widely, an understanding look in his eye. She smiled back, wanting to hug him as tightly as she could. But his look stopped her, and her smile faded slowly. He had to know just one thing.
"Why didn't you tell me this before we were married?"
"I... don't know, John. Perhaps I hoped children weren't in your plans, or... feared that maybe you would stop..."
Her voice trailed off as she choked back some tears. She couldn't stand even to think of the possibility.
"... That I would stop loving you?!"
She only nodded, and John gathered her into his arms protectively.
"How could you ever think that?"
She pulled away from him, avoiding his gaze and resting her eyes on their clasped hands instead.
"It's a natural fear, John, and... it happened before."
"Lee?"
She swallowed hard and nodded. John touched her chin and caused her to meet his eyes. They were comforting, and Helena suddenly realized John would always love her, no matter what. She had always known it, but she now believed it with all her being.
"Yes. Before the Jupiter mission, things were -- not good between us. He never said it openly, but I knew he was angry with me, disappointed, maybe even resentful because there were no children; something Lee wanted very much. That's part of the reason he took the Jupiter mission. We thought the time apart would be good for us; he thought the time would be good for me to find out why... In those last few months before he left, things just weren't what they should have been. We still cared for one another and went through the motions of our marriage, but his love changed. I still loved him as much as ever..."
John took Helena in his arms again and just held her for long minutes. He could feel that a great weight had been lifted from her, one that had gotten in the way of so many things in Helena's life, including her ability to express to John her feelings for him in the early days of their relationship. He also sensed his feelings toward Lee -- whatever they had been in the past -- were now ones of pity; pity for a man who could not understand what his wife had been going through, pity that he'd not had the compassion to help her rather than blame her. John stroked her soft hair with his roughened hands then lifted her head from his shoulder and met her moist eyes.
"Helena, I love you, and nothing will change that. I really want you to believe that."
"I do, John."
Her eyes reflected the truth of her statement. John nodded and Helena smiled a bit. She had never thought any man, not even John, could be so understanding about it. She was relieved to know otherwise.
Standing, John pulled Helena to her feet and led her toward the kitchen area of their small home.
"Helena, you deserve some special treatment tonight. Show me what to do, and I'll cook dinner!"
Helena laughed delightedly. That would be something to see! John was about as good at cooking as she was at fixing an Eagle or solving a nuclear physics problem! Their meal that evening would certainly be unique and unusual.
* * * * *
Bringing life back to a dormant world was not an easy task for the Alphans. It required long days of hard work, determination, and at times, downright stubbornness. Cropping did not come easily at first. The soil had to be re-activated, fertilized and loosened to allow proper drainage to the plant roots. But progress could be seen with each passing day, and as they neared the end of their third year on Earth, life had become rather comfortable, once again allowing the settlers an opportunity for real recreation. They enjoyed spending time at the lake engaged in water sports or strolling through the woods as they began to redevelop and produce green foliage. Individual hobbies were brought back to active status; sculpture and pottery in native clay found near the lake shore, wood and stone carving, gardening, music, the creation of fiction, and much more. Some hobbies were completely for recreational purposes, while others found ways into the uses of everyday life. Victor's indoor garden flourished; Paul began composing songs for their new world; Tanya found the small bowls and cups she threw on the potters wheel Joseph constructed for her were replacing the old, worn, chipped, and cracked plastic utensils brought from Alpha. The general and specific needs of the community still came first, but the ability to maintain a bit of personal gain or achievement helped everyone to feel as if things were truly optimistic.
However, the population of the community remained steady. Except for young Andrew Morrow, there were no other children. For reasons known only to each individual couple, no more offspring were conceived. Everyone seemed to be waiting until things were just a little better and until they were certain nothing foreseeable would ruin what they had all worked so hard to achieve.
One of the most difficult tasks was predicting the variable weather patterns. Because the Earth's axis had shifted nearly six degrees, the climates were totally different from what they had known on Earth before. The area they settled was temperate; not too cold in the winter nor too warm in the summer. But electrical storms - thunder, lightening and torrential rains were common place and the most threatening of all weather conditions experienced. The storms tended to be short in duration; no more than three to four hours from the formation of the first thunderheads to the clearing afterward, but they were quite severe. Frequent cloud to ground lightening strikes made few places truly safe during a storm, and the hard rains with high winds made the sparsely covered ground treacherously muddy. But as with all the difficulties and challenges presented them on Earth, the settlers learned how to deal with and work around these also.
It was after one of the severe storms the first artifacts of an ancient civilization were discovered. Joseph, David, and Victor were occupied with digging a moonbuggy out from under a mud slide when a broken and ragged piece of hard plastic, similar to what had been used to form the inner walls of Alpha, emerged from the mud. Joseph cut the palm of his hand on it, not badly enough to require stitches, but enough to let him know he'd been injured and to call attention to the object. Once the first was uncovered, other relics began to surface as well. Victor hoped eventually there would be enough of them to piece together some kind of picture that would provide a vague idea of what the long dead civilization had been like. The radioactive wasteland covering most of the planet led them to believe it had been a somewhat advanced culture, at least on the level mankind had reached before Breakaway, but only time and more artifacts would give them any kind of story or insight to the previous inhabitants of Earth.
Although most couples had decided to wait for children, Sandra and Paul found they were to have a second child when Andrew was 20 months old. They were delighted, but the night that child was born was not as joyous as it might have been. Near midnight, at the beginning of what promised to be an especially severe storm, Paul knocked on the Koenig door with the news Sandra was in labor and was not having an easy time of it. Helena sent Paul back to his wife while she gathered what she would need from her seldom used medical equipment.
Not wanting Helena to venture into the storm alone, John had accompanied her to the Morrow home and was now alternating between watching the storm from the window and pacing a bit when the sounds of childbirth in the other room got to be a little more than what he wanted to dwell on. From time to time he also peeked through the light curtain door to where Andrew was sleeping, wanting to be certain the little guy, who looked more like his mother everyday, was all right.
John was standing by the window when it happened. The sky was cut in two by a huge lightening bolt. It streaked crookedly to the ground while a tremendous thunderclap boomed almost directly overhead less than a fraction of a second later. The lights flickered then went out all over the settlement as John glimpsed the flash of the bolt striking something followed by the red-orange brilliance of a fire not far away. He was about to dash into the storm to lend a hand with fire-fighting measures when he heard Andrew crying. He crossed to the boy's room carefully, not wanting to bump into anything. The room was pitch black, the only light coming from the intermittent lightening flashes. Andrew was sitting up in bed, crying with fright for his mother while clutching his security blanket to him. John walked slowly toward the child, speaking gently to soothe him, then sat beside him.
"Andrew..."
"Mama...Papa..."
"Shh, you're all right now. Shh..."
He gathered Andrew into his arms to comfort him and began to rock him gently to distract the sleepy child from his call to his parents. Andrew was too frightened and confused really to understand just why his parents could not come to him at the moment.
Gradually the boy calmed and John placed him back under the covers, tucking him in as Andrew curled up on his side, security blanket locked in his arms. The storm seemed to be moving on, and John began to tell Andrew a story; one about a world with red skies, pink waters, delicious fruits, and a brightly colored bird in every tree. Koenig deliberately omitted the parts about destruction and death. That aspect of the story could wait until Andrew was much older.
Within five minutes Andrew was asleep again. John smiled, pulled the sheet over his shoulder, and quietly tiptoed out. He cautiously moved through the darkened house toward the room where the other adults were gathered. There was a light streaming through the curtain, and John decided Paul must have lit a lantern while he'd been in with Andrew. All was quiet now, so John knocked lightly. A short moment later the curtain parted and Helena stood in the doorway, framed by the lantern light.
"Everything okay?"
"Yes. Paul and Sandra have a daughter, Ruth Sandra. They're both doing fine. Paul was wondering about Andrew."
"He's asleep again. He was frightened by the storm but was easily calmed. I just told him a story."
Helena smiled and took his hand, looking up into John's eyes.
"Oh? Cinderella?"
"Really, Doctor, that's a bit outdated. We need to contemporize our material. I told him about Terra Nova -- only the nice parts."
Again Helena smiled and squeezed his hand gently. That was all she cared to remember about that planet as well. She gave John a quick hug.
"Our new mythology and fairy tales?"
"One never knows."
Helena glanced back over her shoulder as the newborn squawked a bit, then she faced John once more.
"I'll only be a few more minutes here -- no more than half an hour."
"I can wait. I still don't want you out there in this alone, and Paul shouldn't have to leave his family to walk you home. Maybe they'll have the lights back on by then."
Helena nodded and returned to her patients while John went back to check on Andrew then set about lighting another lantern and heating some water for tea. That much he could handle in the kitchen.
But neither the lights nor any of the other electrical systems in the community were going to come back on any time soon. The main generator had been hit by lightening and was damaged beyond repair. Needing and liking the electricity the generator provided, their big problem was to find a way to replace it.
After serious thought and brainstorming, Victor found a solution he hoped would be acceptable to all. Return to Alpha. He put it before the entire community as they gathered in the main building just four days after the huge storm.
"Everyone here is aware of the situation, and it does not look promising. I believe we have but one alternative -- return to Alpha and..."
The group erupted into a series of vocal protests and denials. John just stared at the man, not knowing what to think. Victor was one of those who had pushed hardest for the move to Earth. Koenig glanced at his wife, who was also puzzled by Victor's solution. John looked back at Victor as the professor shook his head and held up his hands, calling for silence. Slowly everyone calmed as Victor pressed his hands together.
"Please, let me finish... I propose we return to Alpha with the hope of finding enough parts left behind during Exodus to build a new generator."
That met with better response, and all seemed in favor of the idea. None had wanted to call it quits on Earth. They had too much invested to give up after one simple set back. The decision to return was made, and plans were set in motion.
The one Eagle John left intact had not been used for several years in an effort to conserve what little fuel remained. Now it was called back into active service, and Alan Carter took charge of checking her over and making whatever repairs were needed so she would be in A-1 condition.
Knowing Alan would pilot the ship to Alpha and not liking the idea without knowing why, Regina Carter wanted to stay close to Alan. She sensed that while the trip would benefit the community, it would not benefit her. Regina did not realize this was what she was feeling; she only knew Alan would be away, would be going back to Alpha, a place she had tried to put out of her mind for the past years. An uneasy feeling settled over Regina as she watched Alan gleefully check out his Eagle.
Two days after the decision to venture back to Alpha was made, Alan confirmed Eagle Six would make the trip to Alpha and back with no problems, so calculations for course and speed to the Moon were made. The craft needed only a crew before she was ready for lift-off.
While many secretly longed for the thrill of space and flight again, few were willing to leave the security of their lost and regained home, even for a brief break from Earth's grasp. The responsibility fell on those to whom everyone looked for leadership, just as in the old days back on Alpha.
Helena stood next to Regina Carter as Alan and John, who would be co-pilot and pilot respectively, finished the pre-flight checks. Tanya joined them -- three women bound together by worry for their men. Joseph was to accompany them to Alpha. He was the chief electrician of the community and would be needed to sort through any spare parts they found and to decide what could or could not be useful.
Alan stepped from the craft, and Helena sensed Regina tense. She placed a calming hand on the younger woman's arm and met her gaze for a moment. She glanced back toward the Eagle as John stepped out behind Alan, both men wearing the long un-used space suits they'd worn so much while living on Alpha. John searched her out in the crowd that had gathered to see them off, and their eyes locked. Regina and Tanya were already making their way forward for a last few moments with their men, and Helena followed. She felt John take her hands and pull her close, their eyes still locked.
"Everything is ready. We'll be leaving in just a few minutes."
Helena nodded, fighting back the ever increasing desire to panic she felt building within. It seemed irrational. John would be back soon. They were only going to Alpha for a few hours and would return the next evening. She tried to smile.
"I know. Regina and Tanya are a little nervous about this trip. It has been a long time."
"True, but Alan hasn't lost his knack with an Eagle, and neither have I. And you?"
"I'm all right, John. You and Alan are the best."
Somehow John didn't believe her claim to be all right but let it go. Instead he slipped his arms about her waist, and Helena moved closer, trying not to be distracted by Regina's almost desperate embrace of Alan on one side and Tanya's very reserved leave taking of Joseph on the other.
"See that you stay that way. We'll be back before you know it."
Helena nodded slowly and welcomed John's tight embrace when it came. They parted and she met his eyes as Alan broke from Regina, kissed her and announced it was time to go. Joseph was already on his way back into the spacecraft.
"John,... be careful."
He met Helena's eyes and nodded then kissed her gently.
"I will. See you tomorrow."
Helena squeezed his hand before letting go, turning, and retreating to a safe distance from the Eagle. Tanya and Regina joined her as all who had gathered there waited for the long unheard sound of an Eagle lifting off. When it came it sent a shiver through Helena; not a shiver of fear or from the breeze stirred up by the craft, but one from an uncontrollable emotion she could not identify. Slowly the crowd dispersed, but Helena stood watching the sky long after Eagle Six had flown from sight.
Eagle Six returned 39 hours later, loaded down with an odd assortment of discarded and forgotten parts they had found on Alpha. Joseph spent the better part of the return flight sorting through them, separating out those that could be put to immediate use and those that might be needed in the future.
When they landed, the Eagle was met by a crowd eager for news, and the members of the small community were not disappointed with what they received. Joseph assured them all that the generator would be repaired and operational in less than two weeks. As John walked back toward his home with Helena and Victor, he filled them in with more details.
"... I honestly don't know how it was overlooked during Operation Exodus, but there was a partially assembled generator in one of the workshops. Joseph brought back all of the internal parts, but there wasn't room for the casing. Alan and I will go back for it along with a few other things tomorrow, while Joseph gets started down here."
Koenig looked at Helena as he felt her tense under the arm that rested about her shoulders, her pace slowing a bit.
"Helena?"
Victor looked at them both, unable to mistake the confusion on John's face caused by Helena's sudden mood change or the fear that showed in Helena's eyes. He placed a calming hand on her arm as she looked at Victor, then at John.
"What's wrong?"
"I... don't know, John. I just felt... Must you go back?"
"I think we should. While there we realized how much we did leave behind. At the time the little bits and pieces seemed trivial, but now we see how useful they can be. Alan was able to find enough fuel reserves on Alpha to give us enough for one more round trip flight."
The fear and worry John saw reflected in her eyes did not fade. Whoever had said 'The eyes are the window to the soul' must have said it with Helena in mind. He could always read what was bothering her just by looking at her eyes, and John put his arms about her, trying to reassure her. Helena rested her head on John's shoulder and Victor met John's eyes. He too felt a little uneasy about this second trip but said nothing.
"It will be all right, Helena. We'll be gone no longer than we were this time, perhaps back sooner."
She nodded, but John knew she was unconvinced. Trying to break the tension and dark mood, Victor smiled, clapped his hands together once, and placed a hand on each of their arms.
"Come, I have supper waiting for us at my place. I fixed something very special -- for a homecoming meal. We do have much to celebrate."
Helena smiled genuinely with that thought and nodded. John also smiled and together the three changed direction to head for Victor's home. They did have much to celebrate.
But that night as she lay beside John in the darkness of their bedroom, Helena could not sleep. The emotion she'd felt as Eagle Six lifted off had returned, and Helena still could not identify it; it was not something she had experienced before. She felt as if she were rushing head first down a long, cold shaft with no hope of slowing before she hit bottom -- if there even was a bottom. She also felt as if a darkness that would never turn to light was about to engulf her and never let her go.
John mumbled, stirring in his sleep, and Helena pressed her body closer to him. His arms came about her in an instinctive embrace, and Helena welcomed the protection she gained from it. Yet the embrace could not protect her from her own feelings, which was what she wanted. She wanted to feel that she could do something to prevent what was to come over the next few days, and she wanted John to stay with her, not to return to the Moon. She wanted that more than anything else in her life but knew the events would occur in spite of her wants and desires and the protection of John's love. His arms about her could not shield her from those events -- they would only be made more difficult because of his love. Carefully Helena shifted in John's arms so she could glimpse his sleeping features. His mouth was parted slightly, and he alternated between a gentle snore and an unintelligible mumble. His thinning hair was straying into his eyes and his face was peaceful. She smiled sadly and kissed his chin then buried her face in the crook of his neck. Morning was only a few hours away, and she wanted it to come slowly.
For this flight only a few people gathered to wish John and Alan well. The others were busy with the crops and everyday chores that kept the settlement going. A new find of artifacts had recently been uncovered as they cleared a section of land for a new field, and Victor was anxious to get back to the dig. He stood a bit off to the side, also wanting to be with Helena after the Eagle left just in case she needed a friend. He casually turned away as Alan and Regina emotionally said goodbye again, while John and Helena were a bit more restrained.
"Helena, are you sure you're all right about this?"
"I guess I have to be, John. You're going, and nothing I can say or do will change it."
"Helena, please, don't think of it that way."
Exasperation was entering John's voice, and she shook her head, looking down at his hands as they held hers gently yet firmly.
"I don't mean to, John, it's just..."
He pulled her close and held her there, nodding, as she returned his embrace.
"I know, and I wish I could put your mind at ease about this trip, but we'll be gone no longer than last time; we'll be back in time for lunch tomorrow."
Deciding John didn't need the added worry of her fears to distract him during the flight, Helena nodded and pulled away from him, a sad but sincere smile on her face.
"You'd better be."
John laughed easily, pleased to see Helena's better feelings about the expedition. It made him feel less uneasy about it as well.
"I will. I've got to get Alan back in time for Regina's birthday celebration."
"Yes, you do, or she'll never forgive either of you... John, I know I said this before, but... be careful. I want you back here safely."
He placed his hands on either side of her neck, and Helena raised her shining eyes to meet his. She looked so vulnerable and fragile that for a moment John had doubts about the wisdom of his departure, but his sense of duty came quickly to the surface to end those doubts. Helena had always been a level-headed, steady and strong woman. This... anxiety on her part was only due to the fact that he had not been in space for so many years -- it had to be that. John nodded once.
"I will. I love you, Helena. Know that."
"I do, John. And know I love you."
Slowly their lips met in a long, loving kiss. When they parted, Helena gave him a last embrace then hurried away to join Victor who placed a comforting hand on her arm. Their eyes met and Helena nodded assent to his unasked question. She was all right.
Regina joined them and together the three watched the Eagle lift-off from Earth and head for the lunar surface.
Grateful for Victor's thoughtfulness, Helena glanced at Regina as she joined Victor and herself at his small table. Somehow the man had known neither woman wanted to be alone and invited them to dinner. One of Victor's talents -- a hobby that had not been able to flourish while on the moon -- was his flare with food. He was an excellent chef and welcomed any chance he got to show that talent off.
Regina served the coffee and re-seated herself beside Victor. Conversation was not free flowing that night, and Victor did not push it. He could see -- sense -- the thoughts of each woman were far away, on an airless, dust-covered world orbiting above them. Each was worried about her husband. Regina showed it with nervous movements while Helena was uncharacteristically quiet and distant. He also knew neither would stop worrying until both men were safely back on home ground, on Earth. His internal sense of time told Victor that Eagle Six should be arriving on Alpha about then, or perhaps it would be a few minutes more before they sighted Alpha, most likely for the last time. Once this trip was complete there would not be enough fuel for another one. They had to retrieve everything Alpha had to offer with this last voyage.
"Victor, would you like some help with the dishes?"
"Thank you, Helena, but I'll see to them later. A man must do his own chores."
"We don't mind, Professor, really."
"Thank you too, Regina, but I rather enjoy the task. It gives me a chance to think, to contemplate. But if you'll wait a moment, I will walk you each home."
Helena smiled and pushed away from the table. It was a lovely night and she decided to wait outdoors. The moon was three-quarters of the way up in the sky, and as Helena stepped into the evening air, she glanced up toward the small planetoid that had briefly served as their home. In some ways she missed the life Alpha had provided her, but she did not regret leaving it.
Regina joined Helena outside the door to Victor's home and also set her gaze on the moon. She smiled gently as she wrapped her arms about herself.
"It somehow makes me feel closer to him, being out here... Does that sound silly?"
Helena looked at Regina in the bright light of the full moon and shook her head. She did understand what Regina meant.
"No, not really...."
Helena was about to go on when Victor stepped past the lightweight curtain, his arms extended.
"Shall we?"
Helena and Regina each took an arm and the trio began a leisurely walk toward the Carter home. They had gone less than 100 yards when the light of the moon suddenly dimmed, a cloud passing before it. Both women almost simultaneously stiffened with a mixture of anguish, fear, tension, sorrow and disbelief. Their eyes traveled to the moon, now almost at its zenith, and Regina began to tremble. She pulled away from Victor, gasping for breath as if the wind had been knocked from her by a forceful blow. Tears formed in her eyes, and she began to shake her head. Her breathing became faster, and finally a scream tore from her throat.
"A L A N ! ! ! !"
Her hysterical cry frightened Victor for a moment. There had been no warning, and her seemingly unwarranted behavior had quite taken him by surprise. He reached to calm her, but she shook him off, sinking to her knees on the ground, arms wrapped about her as she sobbed. Victor, unaware her hand had slipped from his arm, turned to Helena in hopes she could do something for Regina, but she was not even aware of the other woman's condition.
Helena stared at the cloud-shrouded moon, a coldness surrounding her that had nothing to do with the slight breeze of the evening. John was gone, lost to her on the lunar surface forever. Her voice was nothing more than a whisper as she spoke John's name, then all her strength left her. Victor caught Helena and eased her to the ground as others, alerted by Regina's hysterical scream, began to gather. Helena saw none of the activity, for her eyes never left the cloud covered moon.
* * * * *
The filtered sunlight slowly brought Helena back to full awareness. She did not have to think to remember what happened -- she knew. The coldness and emptiness she felt let her know it had not been some terrible nightmare. Unwillingly she opened her eyes to find Victor sitting beside her. He reached for her hand, and she met his eyes, reading there what he might not be able to voice.
"How do you feel?"
"Very... alone. How long?"
"Eagle Six is... 20 hours overdue, Helena."
"He's dead, Victor, I felt it..."
The full impact of what it meant began to unveil itself to Helena, and tears started to form in her eyes. Victor reached out to Helena and held her to him, sharing her grief while she allowed herself to cry for her loss of John. Perhaps in time she would be able to see that John had died doing what he liked best -- facing the challenge of space, but that would come at some much later date. Now all Helena knew was that John was dead and she would never again see him, touch him, kiss him, or lie with him...
Gradually Helena's tears dried and she drew away from Victor. He too had been crying, but not recently. She looked down at her hands then met Victor's gaze as he lightly touched her arm.
"Regina?"
"Tanya is with her. She's been sedated since..."
Helena nodded. She vaguely recalled Regina's sobs of grief while she had calmly felt John leave her. His love would always be with her, but not his physical being. She swallowed a hot, dry lump in her throat, forcing her grief to stay in check until she could be alone to face it.
"Everyone knows?"
"Yes, they know, as do the other settlements."
Helena nodded once more. It could not be kept from them. She looked up as Victor took her hands again.
"Paul suggested a memorial service when you and Regina are ready..."
"We'll never be ready for that, but it should be done. The grief process..."
Her voice trailed off. When Lee died she had let the doctor in her take over; had buried the woman responding to the loss of a loved one, and had not allowed herself to feel fully what was natural anywhere but when she was totally alone. To the world she had been very strong, very controlled. Now she was close to doing that again, but she checked herself. There was still so much to be done on this world, and she would not let the woman she was be buried by the doctor she was. John... John would not want that, would be angry if she did that. He was the one who'd let her see she should not hide the woman she was behind the cool facade she put up as a doctor. Nor could she just try to forget as she had done with Lee. How could she? Everywhere she looked she would see a world she, John, and the others had struggled to rebuild.
"... Would you ask Paul and David to see to the details?"
Victor silently nodded, leaned close and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before leaving. Helena watched the curtain fall shut behind him, swallowed hard again, and unsteadily got to her feet. Slowly Helena crossed to the small desk she and John shared -- had shared -- and picked up the only photograph she had of him. She'd taken it from his personnel file during the move to Earth, not wanting it to be recycled with the rest of the papers. Gently Helena ran her fingers over his image, the tears of emptiness, loneliness and deep loss returning. Yes, there was much left to do, but it would come later. For now, her endless grief was all she could bear.
* * * * *
Helena Koenig stood just outside the door to the Morrow home as the moon made its first appearance in the late afternoon sky. In only a few days it would be full again. She smiled distantly as Andrew and Ruth ran past her. How they had grown. Andrew was now seven and a half and Ruth, five years of age. In some ways it was difficult to believe they had been back on Earth nearly nine years, yet in other ways it was not. They were all older, showing