In Your Wildest Dreams

by Ellen Lindow

The next space warp was a mixed blessing. Victor Bergman successfully predicted the occurrence 24 hours in advance by using the device Commander Koenig had found on the abandoned ship on the other side of the first space warp. Bergman theorized that the moon was traveling at a velocity that was ideal for encountering these hazards in space, and until the moon's velocity changed, they would encounter a number of these warps or wormholes. Since altering the velocity of something as large as the moon required a great deal of energy, the Alphans resigned themselves to the disruptions. A day's warning allowed them to secure possessions and personnel, and damage was minimal.

The star system they emerged into however, had its own dangers. There were no planets of any size, but asteroids and comets abounded. The Alphans barely had time to assess the damage from the space warp when a comet was detected on a collision course with their moon. The impact occurred several hundred miles away from the base, and the shock waves hit them quickly. The damage was again minimal, much less than expected. Sandra Benes was the first to realize why.

She showed up at Koenig's elbow with a data disk and a smile on her elfin features.

"You look like the cat that ate the canary," Koenig returned the smile and took the data disk from her.

"Just take a look. I do not get a chance to give you good news very often."

The exchange had attracted the attention of everyone in Command Center. They all watched expectantly as Koenig read the report. He grinned and leaned back in his chair. Noticing the curious stares of the others, he touched Sandra's elbow. "Well, go on, you found it, you tell them."

Sandra blushed slightly, but smiled back at her commander. She disliked being the center of attention, but was excited over the news she'd found. "The comet had a much lower specific gravity, keeping the energy released on impact lower."

She paused and Koenig enjoyed watching the audience. Maya picked up the significance first, as he'd expected. Annette Fraser's eyes widened and she clasped her hands, almost as if in prayer as she clearly picked up the significance.

"And -" Tony Verdesschi prompted with impatience.

"The comet was mostly made of ice crystals-water ice."

There was a collective gasp from Sandra's audience, then everyone began talking at once. Koenig grinned at Sandra again, then began making preparations to send his best survey team out to mine ice.

Moonbase Alpha's abrupt and unplanned departure from Earth had resulted in a number of shortages for the 300 survivors who clung to life on and just below the surface of the moon. Heavy metals and certain alloys were needed to keep their machinery running. But another chronic shortage was water.

Everything was recycled, nothing was wasted, but a lack of a large supply of water was the biggest obstacle to expanding their community. They could not grow additional food or add to their population for fear of ruining the delicate balance they had achieved within their artificial environment. It had been hoped that water might be found somewhere on the moon as veins of ice, but the survey crews had found little additional ice other than that which had initially been mined at the time Moonbase Alpha was built.

Koenig was glad that Greg Sanderson's team was on the base. Except for a bout of green sickness a few months ago. The team was the best geological crew available, their work being an avocation as well as a vocation. All surface teams were now required to spend a minimum of two weeks on base between expeditions, mostly for R&R, with light duties in hydroponics. Sanderson's team had been on base for eight days, but Koenig knew he could get his CMO to waive the rules under the circumstances. He sent a message for Sanderson to meet him in Medical Center, then took the data disk of information with him, leaving orders for Sandra to accumulate the more detailed report the geologists would need.

Koenig barely had a chance to explain the situation to Dr. Helena Russell when Sanderson stomped into her office.

"I hope you've called me here to tell me I'm off the work detail in hydroponics. You can't imagine how much I hate watering plants." Sanderson wiped sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief. His uniform was drenched from working in the high humidity of Alpha's greenhouse area. "If I didn't know you better, I'd think you were holding a grudge against me for playing that trump card the other night and giving the game to Helena and Eva."

Koenig smiled and leaned against the credenza behind Helena's desk. "I haven't forgiven you for that yet, but you really owe me one now. I've talked Helena into releasing you back to duty early."

"You're kidding," Sanderson looked suspiciously at the two smiling faces. "What's the catch?"

Helena swung the desk monitor around so Greg could see the screen.

"You're kidding!" Greg repeated himself as he scanned the data.

"Get out there and get to work will you? There's an Eagle waiting on pad two for your team. I've called in the other two teams and told them to report to you. You're in charge," Koenig enjoyed watching the look on his friend's face.

"I'll see you later," Greg called, already on his way out the door. "I hope you don't mind if I take a shower first."

"Eva and the others will probably appreciate that. Just bring back the water to replace it."

"I'll bring you a whole damn swimming pool!" was the reply as Sanderson left Medical Center.

Koenig placed his hand on Helena Russell's shoulder and she covered it with her own. "We'll need to begin working on where we'll put all that water," she said with a smile."

"I'll leave that up to you as head of Life Support and the Chief Engineer. Dinner tonight?" he asked.

She stood and put her arms around his waist. "After aerobics session, around 7:30 OK?"

He nodded and gave her a quick kiss, then left for Command Center. Helena was already calling Pat Osgood as Koenig left her office.

At quarter past seven that evening, showered and changed and comfortably relaxed after their workout Sandra Benes and Helena Russell entered the rec area. Other people from first shift were occupied at various areas of the room. Paul Morrow waved to Sandra and she smiled and waved back.

"Are you ready for dinner, Helena?" Sandra asked her friend.

"I'm supposed to meet John here shortly. You go ahead."

Sandra nodded and headed across the room. Helena sank down on a sofa and leaned back, happy for the chance to relax for a moment. Someone had programmed the video screen in front of her with music videos, the speakers on either side of the sofa softly playing a Jimmy Buffet tune. She closed her eyes, the steel drums and calypso beat reminding her of the only real vacation she and Lee had ever taken together. It had been just before Lee had left on his last mission. They had rented a cabin in Jamaica. It had been wonderfully secluded and quiet. She thought about the hammock on the front porch where they would curl up together and listen to the rain on the tin roof every afternoon. She also remembered the way Lee had laughed when she had come back one afternoon from a shopping trip with her hair corn-rowed and beaded. Then he had patiently helped her comb out the tangled mess it became by the next day.

The song ended and a more poignant song by the Moody Blues began. It matched her mood, as she thought about how nice it was to be able to remember the good times with Lee without the pain of loss. She knew that had a lot to do with the chance she'd finally had to say goodbye to Lee as well as the relationship she had now with John Koenig.

A light touch on her hand broke her reverie. Koenig was kneeling beside her, smiling. "Were you asleep?" he asked.

"No, just thinking. Ready for dinner?" She stood.

Koenig took her elbow and guided her toward the door. "If we can make it quick." His tone was quiet. "Greg just called me. He's found something he thinks I should see. He didn't want to say much about it, but it was important enough for him to lift off and regain contact with Alpha to let me know about it. Want to come along?" "

When are we leaving?" she asked, quickly adjusting to the change of plans.

"The Eagle is almost ready. We can grab a bite to eat and go as soon as we're finished."

Using the coordinates Sanderson had given him, Koenig and Russell arrived at the new crater on the moon's surface a few hours later. Rock had splashed away from the crater, making the formerly smooth "sea" a hazardous place to land. Sanderson's team had strung portable transponders to guide them in to a safe landing spot. Koenig touched down gently and he and Russell suited up for the short walk to Sanderson's survey Eagle.

Sanderson met them outside. They tuned their suit communicators to the local frequency he indicated and listened to Greg's commentary as they followed him to a nearby outcropping of rocks. The footing was slippery as they crunched through a layer of freshly fallen "snow".

"At first we thought it was just debris from the blast area," he was saying. "A micro crater that was recently bombarded again. Then we noticed that there were some odd lines to it. Not natural fracture angles. It was certainly made to look like a small crater-less than a hundred meters across. But debris from the comet's impact blew out some of the loose covering, leaving another structure uncovered."

"Alien?" Koenig questioned.

"We thought so at first, but quickly changed our minds. You'll see."

As they approached what looked like a splash zone for a small crater, they saw what Sanderson meant. The rock had been poled to look like a crater, but the more recent impact had revealed a more regular and substantial surface beneath. Reinforced concrete had taken a beating but held up against the blast. They rounded a pile of rocks to find an exposed wall with a standard looking airlock. Sanderson used the manual controls to open the outer door and stepped inside. Koenig and Russell followed noting the basic Terran design, but without any written identifications or electronic alternatives.

"Once inside, we found a power supply waiting" Sanderson answered their unspoken question. "Everything was sealed tight, as if someone had cleaned up and left with every intention of returning."

The inner door opened as the pressure equalized. Eva was standing just inside the entrance, pressure suit on, but helmet and gloves removed. The air tasted slightly stale, as if it had not circulated in a long while. She held a clipboard and offered it to Commander Koenig as he entered and removed his helmet.

"We've found a manifest." Eva explained. "Its in English and signed by someone, but I don't recognize the forms or the logo above."

Koenig removed his helmet and took the clipboard. He handed it to Helena after she had removed helmet and gloves. He cast his eyes over what appeared to be a small, well supplied warehouse while Helena scanned the list. It was an amazing wish list of items Moonbase Alpha was in need of: tools, equipment, fuel, lubricants. There were even personal items such as soap, clothing, emergency food and medical supplies.

Helena shook her head as she looked over the list. The logo at the top of each page was unfamiliar to her as well. An acronym was spelled out to the side of the silhouette of a man standing within a circle casting a shadow towards the letters, but there was no explanation for the acronym. "S.H.A.D.O, John have you ever heard of that organization?"

"No. Greg, you've been in the space program as long as I have. Does it mean anything to you?"

"And I've been on the moon longer," Greg shook his head. He had been with one of the first survey crews when a site was picked for Moonbase Alpha. "Never heard of that one, although the powers back on Earth came up with plenty of strange divisions - each with their own bloody nickname."

"Could it have been some pre-war organization? Military perhaps?" Eva suggested.

"It certainly was well organized, whatever it was," Helena commented. "John, I should be able to give you a date based on some of these medical supplies. They should have a shelf life date which would allow us to infer when they were manufactured."

Koenig nodded for her to try and turned to Greg. "Any living quarters?"

"The atmosphere seems to be purely for storage purposes. This was simply a supply dump. That desk is the only furniture here, and there isn't even a chair for it."

The desk indicated was where Eva had found the manifest. It was just above waist height, obviously meant to be used to check in supplies. "There's not even a computer," Eva added. "Just the paper manifest."

The three explored the shelves near the airlock while waiting for Helena's return from the medical area. It didn't take her long. She returned with a small box containing vials of medication. "I'd like to confirm with computer, but I know the shelf on a few of these. I'd say these were manufactured about fifteen years ago."

"Around the time Alpha was built?" Helena nodded. "Could this have been some kind of reserve supply depot that was forgotten about?"

"I have a hard time believing that something this big could just slip out of memory. But we can certainly use this stuff. We'll have a complete computer search done on "S.H.A.D.O", but in the mean time we'll get the supplies back to Alpha. Greg, I know you want to get on with mining activities. I'll send a team out from supply to deal with this."

Sanderson smiled, eager to get on with his own work. "I wanted you to see for yourself."

Koenig nodded and all began resealing their suits. "I'm glad you called me out. Helena, are there any of the medical supplies that we need immediately?"

"That I'd want to take now?" she asked, checking his seals as he double checked hers. She shook her head. "I've got some samples here just to test, but the rest can wait."

Eva and Greg had double checked each others suits and all were ready to depart. Helena sealed her samples in an airtight medical bag and the four suited Alphans crowded into the lock and left the well stocked depot of the unrecognized S.H.A.D.O. organization.

Both Koenig and Russell were quiet on the trip back to Alpha. Helena had scanned the manifest and reviewed it while Koenig flew. They returned to Alpha several hours after midnight. Koenig had called ahead and made arrangements to meet with the head of Supply upon landing. Helena headed for her quarters and some sleep. She checked in with Medical Center and left a message for Dr. Mathias that she would be late the next morning. The door to her quarters opened and Koenig entered. She stood from her desk and crossed the room to put her arms around him. He leaned down to kiss her.

"Tired?" he asked.

"Mmhm, " she agreed, returning his kiss.

"Let's get some sleep before something else comes up." Soon both were curled together in her bed sleeping peacefully.

A few hours later she turned over. John shifted his position and sensed that she was awake and wanted to talk. Without opening his eyes he smiled and caressed her cheek. "What?" he asked softly, knowing her moods well.

"With the water from this comet, and the other supplies, do you think we could consider - expanding?"

He chuckled softly, nibbled her ear and moved his hand from her cheek down her body to her hip and thigh. "You mean, like having little Alphans?"

She let out her breath in something like a sigh. "Something like that."

"It would be nice, wouldn't it?" he breathed softly into her ear.

She nodded, not trusting her voice in expressing her wish. He shifted again, rolling on top of her. Her arms went around his neck as she welcomed his embrace. He smiled and pulled a lock of blond hair from her eyes. Without her saying a word he could read the hope in her eyes. "Use the manifest, and the estimates Greg will be sending in, get with Pat Osgood and prove to me we have the resources to support children, and I'll be more than happy to cooperate."

"Really?"

"Really." He placed his lips over hers, tabling any additional discussion.

Two weeks later, armed with data disks full of projections and lists, and looking much more professional than when she had originally made her request; Dr. Russell approached her Commander again. She arranged a meeting for him with Pat Osgood as Chief of Engineering, herself as head of life support and Dr. Bob Mathias as the resident expert in Psychology. She presented evidence that the Alphans were both physically and emotionally ready to begin a new chapter of their lives in deep space. Not all of the 140 women were eager to have children, but about a third of the women were interested in having a child in the near future. Koenig asked cautious questions, received acceptable answers, and took a couple of days to consider his decision. Living with Helena during that time was quite a challenge, but he managed. He gave his decision to her and the team she had formed in Command Center, and immensely enjoyed the look of surprise and happiness that spread across her face as he gave her permission to begin allowing children to be born.

Within a month of finding the supply depot Helena was lying on a surgical table, her left arm extended, craning her neck and watching as Ben Vincent removed her birth control implant. He was using a local anesthetic, and regretting it.

"Hold still," he cautioned.

"I can't see, " she complained.

"I'm the one who's supposed to see. You're the patient this time."

She sighed and lay back, glaring at him, but not truly irritated. She knew she made a bad patient. Besides, she was too happy about the prospect of having a baby. The implant had been planned as a temporary measure and she and her husband had planned to start a family when he returned from the Astro 7 mission to Jupiter. He had never returned.

Ben frowned as he began to remove the small cylinders. "Was there anything different about this implant, Helena?"

"No," she responded, puzzled. "What's the matter?"

"According to your medical records, its a standard five year implant. It should contain five cylinders."

"And?"

"There are six."

"That's odd." She tried to remember when she had received it. It had been a replacement, and had been inserted in London. Shortly before she and Lee had vacationed in Jamaica. She didn't remember anything unusual about the procedure, having been preoccupied with her own work and involved in plans for the anticipated vacation.

Ben lay the cylinders on a tray and finished the procedure quickly. "Do you mind if I take a look at these?" Ben asked her.

"No, go ahead. Let me know if there's anything odd about them," She continued absently. She was already concentrating on other things. Ed Spencer's examination of the new supply of medicine had revealed that some of the medicines had expired, but others were in good condition. Even though Alpha had the ability to synthesize a majority of the drugs needed, an additional supply was welcome. She was also involved in the decision regarding where to store their excess water. It took up less volume in liquid form, but was easier to transport in solid form and did not require using energy to keep the water warm. She thought no more about the mysterious extra cylinder.

She woke that night from a particularly vivid nightmare. She was performing an autopsy. The body had an unusual green tint to the skin and the internal organs appeared to be transplants. A deep voice impatiently questioned her. As she gave answers, she was aware of the smell of cigar smoke. She turned toward the voice. The face looked familiar, like the musician in the Moody Blues video, but she felt she should know him. She also felt frustration at being unable to answer his questions.

Upon waking, the dream felt more like a memory than a dream. She felt confused and disoriented. She sat up and looked around her quarters and for a moment wondered why she wasn't in her London flat. John stirred beside her, but her first thought was of Lee, not John. She lay down next to him, and he put an arm around her without waking. She lay there for some time, thinking about that autopsy and the blond man with the cigar.

Over the next few nights, the dreams came back. She was always in London. Sometimes in her office, at others in a lab which felt familiar, but she couldn't quite place it. She was sure it was not part of the hospital where she had practiced. Occasionally, she was with Lee. Those dreams were the most disturbing. She couldn't quite hear what he was saying, but the two of them were arguing. She was determined to talk him out of...something, but what? She couldn't remember.

It wasn't that she couldn't remember the dream when she awoke. All the dreams stayed vividly with her, in extreme detail, including what she was wearing, or eating, where she was, whether her office or some place else; but she couldn't always identify the place. In one dream she was seated in a luxurious office that she knew belonged to the blond man. He sat behind a large desk in a comfortable chair, cigar in hand. She was conveying information to him, and Lee sat in another chair next to her. Another man, dark hair and large sideburns, paced the room restlessly. She knew him, but could not name him. She couldn't hear the conversation, it was a problem in many of the dreams. She couldn't even hear her own part of the discussion, but she knew it was the beginning of whatever disagreement she had with Lee in the other dreams.

Although she didn't intend to bother anyone with her restless nights, a week of this was noticed by Bob Mathias as well as John. When the alarm went off, she moaned and turned over, not rested after a night of non-stop dreaming. Koenig was already in the shower, he never needed an alarm, and she lay still, hoping the morning hadn't really started yet. When he entered the bedroom, he sat next to her on the bed. "How long are you going to let this go on?"

Eyes still closed, she asked, "Let what go on?"

"Whatever is troubling you. The first night I thought your arm was just sore, but it's better now. You haven't had a decent night's sleep since that implant was removed."

She sat up and leaned against his shoulder. "I've been dreaming a lot. Very vivid dreams, but not really nightmares. It shouldn't have anything to do with the implant."

"Maybe not. Look, I played handball with Bob last night. He asked about you, said you'd been on edge at work lately, and asked if anything was wrong."

"What did you say?"

"I told him that I didn't know of anything. Bob's pretty observant, and we both know you like your privacy, but if there's something troubling you, we'd both like to help."

She luxuriated in his embrace and concern. Relaxing more completely than she'd been able to since the dreams started. "They're just dreams, mostly of the time I spent in London -- or at least, I'm in London in the dreams. I don't remember any of these things actually happening. Lee's in some of them, and it seems like we're fighting about something, but I can't quite place what."

She looked at John, knowing that he might not be comfortable discussing her late husband, but his face registered only concern. "We hardly ever fought. Usually we were too happy just to be on the same continent. It seemed like he was always away."

Koenig nodded. He'd experienced the same situation in his own marriage, but it had always seemed that when he was home, he and Jeanne fought all the time. Being married to an astronaut put extra stress on a marriage. One positive aspect of their situation on Alpha was that they were together nearly every day. Although they would occasionally work different shifts, they could usually find a few minutes to have a meal together, or just a chance to talk every day. He kissed her silky golden hair, wondering what a normal life on Earth with two high powered careers would have done to their relationship. She sighed, her head against his shoulder and her eyes closing again.

"The dreams are so real, and I remember them so well."

"Why don't you talk to Bob about it this morning." He stroked her head soothingly.

She nodded.

Her discussion with Bob Mathias was not very enlightening. Since the dreams started when her birth control implant was removed, he felt the two were related. It was his suggestion that perhaps she might be reluctant to have children, or perhaps she felt guilty about not having Lee's child. That could be the reason that the dreams focused on her relationship with Lee.

Helena didn't agree. She knew that they had made the decision together to delay having a family. She had supported Lee in his career, and understood and shared his dedication to the space program. Her desire now to have a child was in no way related to her relationship with Lee or the decisions they had made. Bob offered some sleeping pills that she didn't want to take, and suggested they try hypnotherapy, if the dreams persisted. Helena disliked hypnotherapy. She'd known Bob Mathias for years and trusted him, but was uncomfortable allowing anyone access to her subconscious. She left Mathias' office without any resolutions for her problem.

That evening, she entered the rec room after exercising to find someone was again playing Jimmy Buffett music videos. The sounds of steel drums sent her back to Jamaica, and a dream/memory came upon her so strongly, she stopped suddenly, no longer aware of her surroundings.

She was laying in the hammock on the porch. The afternoon shower beat a pattern of white noise on the tin roof. Lee's hand caressed her thigh while giving her a long slow kiss. She was convinced that making love was the best thing to do during a thunderstorm. Lee leaned back and smiled at her.

"This is definitely one of your better ideas, my love, and I don't mind cooperating, but are you sure you don't want to wait until I come back?"

"You're forgetting I may not catch this time." She replied with a smile.

"We might have to do this again when you get back."

"You'll get no arguments from me. I'm glad you're beginning to accept the fact that I have to go."

Helena frowned, and Lee realized too late that he'd said the wrong thing.

"I'm resigned to the fact that you're going, but it doesn't mean I like it or approve." She sat up and reached for her discarded swim suit. "I wish I'd never heard of S.H.A.D.O."

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do. It was my findings that gave the proof that there had to be a base in this system, that the body parts the aliens were using wouldn't hold up to the accelerations they were using past a certain distance." Lee stood, donning his own trunks. "Don't you think that's worth while? You've made it possible for us to end this conflict once and for all. To protect our people, including that baby we're trying to make."

"But why do you have to be the one to do this?"

He stood beside her and put his arms around her. "I'm the only S.H.A.D.O operative in the space program with the experience to command the mission. Straker couldn't possibly get any one else in the space program quickly enough. I've got to do it."

"It's dangerous," she laid her head against his chest.

"Just being out there is dangerous! A confrontation at the alien's base may be more dangerous, but its necessary."

She nodded, knowing he was right, knowing they had no choice, and was thoroughly miserable.

Helena returned slowly to consciousness. She knew she was in Medical Center, and knew someone was holding her hand. "Lee?" she asked, then regretted it immediately, realizing it could not be Lee. Knowing it must be John, she hoped she had not hurt his feelings.

"It's just me, Helena."

"Oh, John." Her eyes filled with tears. She understood now. She remembered what S.H.A.D.O. was, she knew why she had not remembered before. She understood the dreams now, and realized that certain memories she had were completely artificial.

"You blacked out in the rec room. When we got you to medical center, your brain activity registered something like REM sleep. You've been like that for a couple of hours."

She could look into her mind now and access months worth of memories that had been denied to her before now. It surprised her that only a few hours had passed. Ben Vincent and Bob Mathias entered the room. She looked at Ben. "Have you had a chance to analyze that sixth cylinder?"

"Yes. It's some kind of psychogenic drug. It appears to interact with the area of the brain associated with memory. I'm not sure what it does, and there's nothing in the computer like it."

Helena nodded. "It suppresses memories. Combined with hypnotherapy, memories could be eliminated or altered."

"Why would that have been given to you Helena?" John asked.

She sighed, still holding his hand as if it were her only anchor. "S.H.A.D.O. was a secret government agency whose purpose was to defend Earth against alien attack." The others looked dubious, but she continued before they could interrupt. "The threat was very real. Our defense force was in operation from 1980 to the late 1990's. The alien attack was responsible for mysterious deaths and disappearances for thirty years prior to that. While I was working in London, I was recruited to research several recovered alien bodies. Lee also worked for S.H.A.D.O. in an information gathering capacity, while on regular space missions. S.H.A.D.O. had already determined that the aliens were using their captives for spare body parts. My own research indicated that the aliens had to have a base somewhere near the orbit of Jupiter. Despite the liquid environment used to cushion against acceleration, the human components sustained damage under constant high acceleration. They would not survive a trip longer than that."

"And Lee went to Jupiter." Koenig interjected.

"Lee went to Jupiter," Helena confirmed. "He was to discover and destroy the base if possible. I didn't want him to go. We quarreled." She was quiet. With the drug out of her system, she could now remember the arguments prior to his departure. "

Was he successful?" Koenig asked.

"I don't know." She shook her head reluctantly. "I resigned from S.H.A.D.O. They used various psychogenic drugs to keep the organization secret. I voluntarily underwent drug therapy, but was unaware of how much my memories had been altered. The most commonly used drug caused an allergic reaction in me. The slow acting drug from the cylinder was inserted under the guise of being part of a common birth control implant. I received the implant several months after the Astro 7 probe left. Now with the drug out of my system, the suppressed and changed memories are accessible to me." She shuddered, remembering her wish for a child, both then and now. All her memories were accessible now, not overwhelming her, just available.

"What would have happened when the implant was removed?" John asked.

"On Earth, I suppose I would have had the implant removed or replaced by my regular physician. It would have been a simple matter to make sure the sixth cylinder was left in place. Having the moon leave orbit wasn't a contingency they planned for," she smiled ruefully.

"I suppose that's true," Mathias agreed. "Do you feel all right now Helena. Physically, you're fine, and with the drug completely out of your system, you seem to be integrating the memories smoothly."

Helena was glad that's the way it looked externally. She knew it would take a while to adjust to the events she could now recall. Anxious to avoid the need to share her experiences, or have Bob recommend hypnotherapy again, she nodded.

Bob smiled, "Have something to eat and get some rest. I know you better than to think you'll take the day off, but I don't want you in here before noon."

She stood, still holding Koenig's hand, nodding her agreement to Bob's terms. They left Medical Center and headed toward their quarters. Neither spoke, but Koenig knew her well, and was certain that her composure masked a good deal of emotional turmoil. Picking a more neutral subject, he asked her, "What about the supply base?"

"S.H.A.D.O had its own military base, separate from Alpha. A separate supply base would have been a sensible precaution."

"But where was the base?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. It would have been well hidden." She paused, then continued. "If Lee was successful, the base would have been abandoned."

He sighed, "If not, could they have survived since Breakaway?" Would they have tried to contact us?"

They entered their quarters, Helena replied, "I don't know. If there was anybody at their base, I think they would have at least tried to use the cache of supplies."

Koenig nodded and hugged her. "Why don't I go find us some sandwiches."

She leaned against him, not really wanting to let him go, and not particularly hungry; but needing some time alone, and appreciating his offer. "That sounds good."

He unwrapped himself from her and kissed her cheek, then left quickly. She sat on the sofa, curling up with her arms around her legs and head rested on her knees. She thought she would cry, but found she had no tears. The memories had burst on her so vividly, it was like losing Lee all over again, with the added guilt that her research had sent him to his death. She closed her eyes and sighed. No, Lee's death had not been her fault. He had chosen his own path, as she had chosen hers. At least she knew now the choices she had made. And she knew John's love for her would provide additional support that she had not had at that time. Tomorrow, she would make sure Ben destroyed his analysis of that drug. She wanted no part of having the ability to alter people's memories. That thought relaxed her and she stood up, heading for the shower.

Koenig returned to find her laying on the sofa soundly asleep, music by the Moody Blues playing softly.

     "...when the music plays,
     And when the words are 
     Touched with sorrow
     And when the music plays, 
     I hear the sound
     I had to follow
     Once upon a time.

     Once upon a time
     Once when you were mine
     I remember skies
     Mirrored in your eyes
     I wonder where you are
     I wonder if you 
     Think about me
     Once upon a time
     In your wildest dreams." *