The girl gave a deep heart-felt sigh and rested her head against the banister overlooking the garden below. When she was ignored, she sighed again. A tray with coffee pot and mugs appeared next to her and her grandmother pulled up a chair on the balcony next to her.
With sure hands, despite age and other concerns, her grandmother poured two cups, and added a heaping spoon of the coarse brown sugar crystals the girl loved.
“All right, Miss Drama Queen. Are you ready to talk?”
“It’s not fair, Gramma, just not fair at all.”
“No one ever said that life is fair, child. What ever gave you that idea?”
The girl stood and looked out at the manicured gardens below. She could see the playground from here. Two of her nephews, her oldest brother’s children were throwing a ball back and forth. Her niece, daughter of her sister, and just two years old, crawled in the sand with two other children, building sand castles and roads and rolling little toys through the city of sand.
“I might not ever see him again! It feels like Daddy sent him away on purpose.”
“You know your father would never do a thing like that. He picked the best man for the job.”
“And he’ll be gone for years and years!”
“Perhaps.”
A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. Her grandmother didn’t respond to it.
“We were in love,” she said softly. “He was my one true love.”
Her grandfather wandered onto the porch, a spray bottle and clippers in his hands. He eyed a rose bush in a pot at the corner of the balcony, ready to trim it. “Nonsense. What makes you think you only get one chance at true love.”
“But…” The girl didn’t know how to respond to that.
“Life isn’t a fairy tale, Lisel. The story doesn’t just stop and everyone is happily ever after from that point on. Look at your grandmother, she’s had two great loves -- true loves if you will.”
Lisel looked at the elderly woman sitting next to her. Her grandfather patted the woman on the shoulder, and her grandmother covered his hand with her own. It was hard to imagine her grandmother as anything but the elderly woman that she now was. Lisel didn’t remember her looking any way other than she did right now.
“You… did?”
Her grandmother nodded and smiled.
“Tell the child,” her grandfather urged. “She’s old enough now to hear all about it.” He turned to his rose bush and the other plants around the apartment that needed his care today, confident in his wife’s ability to tell the story properly.
John Koenig
Heads turned as John walked into Command Center. Tony gave him a nod and a smile. “Shouldn’t you be on your honeymoon?”
The Commander gave a sheepish grin and shrugged. “Helena was already scheduled to work with a team on the new apartment complex. So I thought I’d get some work done.”
“So the honeymoon is already over, after barely twenty-four hours.” Tony shook his head with mock pity.
“Or, perhaps she would like the apartments to be finished as soon as possible,” Sandra admonished him, taking her friend’s side.
“I can’t say I ever considered marrying a construction worker,” John joked as he settled into his chair. “But we can use every volunteer we can get, and she’s good with that laser drill.”
“Probably similar to the one she uses in the operating room,” Sandra said. “Just bigger.”
John picked up the top report in the stack on his desk and settled in to work. “Whatever it is, I’ll meet her for a late supper in a couple of hours.”
The command staff settled into their regular routine, each station involved in its own activities and the evening went on quietly.
Helena Russell
Helena Russell – now Koenig as of the previous evening – took the elevator to the lowest level, then caught the new travel tube that took her the mile through solid rock to the new section of Alpha, called Beta section.
It had been nearly a year ago since the volcanic tubes, called catacombs by the Alphans, had led them to this large volcanic cavern. At some time in the far distant past, when volcanoes on the Moon were active, an enormous caldera had been formed here, the precursor to a volcanic explosion. Gases built up and pushed the rock into a huge bulge, but rather than an explosion of ash or lava, vents had formed, creating the catacombs, and as the moon cooled and gases escaped, a huge cavern was left behind. Shortly after the cavern was found, another mining team discovered a large vein of ice near the lunar south pole and the Alphans had decided it was time to expand their foothold on the moon.
The cavern was easy to make airtight. There were no fault lines nearby, no fissures, even after all the stress the moon had been through since Breakaway. The Alphans determined to build a set of apartments into the solid rock walls surrounding the huge bubble. The apartments could be large and spacious, with balconies looking out over the huge cavern. There was room for walkways, groves of fruit-bearing trees, areas of green grass as well as gardens of flowers and vegetables. Grain was already being grown in large tunnels beneath the base to provide food, as well as oxygen, for the Alphans. There could even be a pond to store some of the water they now had an abundance of, and they could expand the amount of fish they grew for food from the cichlids that had been in several aquariums around the base before they left Earth.
At first, they would build ten apartments each on three levels, each with three bedrooms and two baths. Plenty of room for new and growing families. This would provide room for many years to come, and more apartments could be built around the perimeter of the cavern as new generations required.
Helena left the travel tube, breathing in the slightly ozone smell left by the laser drills as they ionized the air. Combined with the water being sprayed on lunar dust brought to the cavern the place smelled almost like Earth after a thunderstorm. She moved from the travel tube reception area to the stairs and climbed three flights. There were work crews on each level, adding plumbing and electricity to the rooms cut from raw rock. Helena was working with the team on the third level, drilling out the rooms for the apartments there. One of these apartments would belong to her and John and the family they hoped to start.
The walls were thick, but the rooms and hallways were large and spacious. The rock here was blue and black and white with flecks of sparkling glass crystals formed in the volcanic process that created the adjoining cavern. When polished it would look much like a dark rich marble, very different from the white plastic walls of Alpha.
Others greeted her as she made her way down the hallway. She returned their greetings but headed purposefully down the hall. John had agreed to this plan of expanding Alpha but the catch was that it must be accomplished after regular working hours by volunteers. The needs of the main base came first. Maintenance schedules and regular hours for all personnel must be maintained. There was only a short portion of the day Helena could devote to this project, no matter how enthusiastic she was about it.
“Helena!” her team leader greeted her, clipboard in hand. “We’ve got the drill coordinates all set up, we were hoping you’d be here soon.”
Helena slid into the seat behind the large laser drill and looked over the small screen in front of her. She took the protective goggles that were hanging from the side of the machine and put them over her head.
Lee
Russell
“Roger control. We will be in the shadow of Jupiter for the next five hours. Will resume contact at that time.” The comm officer concluded the transmission and turned to look at his captain.
“That’s it, everyone. Time to earn our keep,” Lee Russell told his crew. He glanced around the small command section of the Astro seven ship. It was more crowded than he was used to, with all hands at station. The past six months of flight time had carried them to this destination under constant acceleration. Most of that time, one or two of the twelve member crew had manned the command section while the rest pursued hobbies or performed science experiments in the three aft compartments. The Astro Seven was one of the largest of the new ships with a constant acceleration drive that could truly take humankind across their solar system in reasonable lengths of time. Russell was proud to command it.
“Carson,” he called to his head of science. “Are we ready with the magnetic scoop?”
“Aye, skipper,” the man answered in a distracted voice, already deeply concentrating on the experiment designed to sample Jupiter’s atmosphere. “All systems go.”
“I’d feel better if we could maintain contact with Earth while doing this,” his co-pilot and old friend, Ben Starnes muttered.
Lee shrugged. “With the time delay for communications between here and Earth it’s a moot point in any event. There’s a delay of nearly two hours from here. Besides, we aren’t trying to move deeply into the atmosphere. That’s why this magnetic scoop was designed in the first place.”
Ben glanced back at Carson and lowered his voice even more. “I know it’s Car’s baby. But it hasn’t been tested. Who knows what effect this thing will have.”
“It’s kind of hard to test something designed to sample Jupiter’s atmosphere without actually having an atmosphere to test it on, and you know that Earth’s low orbit was no place to try it out. Too much space junk, we’d be punctured in no time.”
“My point exactly. How do we know what’s out there?”
Lee chuckled. “That’s why we’re here, Ben. To find out. And I brought along a pessimist like you to get us out of here if things go south.”
“You didn’t bring me because I’m a pessimist, you brought me because I’m the best pilot you could find.”
“Maybe it was both reasons. I’m just glad to be out here, with all that PR nonsense we had to endure the last few weeks, answering reporters stupid questions about beating out “2001: A Space Odyssey” by six years. I hate that movie.”
“It’s a classic. How can you hate it?”
“The middle part is okay, finding the monolith on the moon and going to Jupiter and the stuff with the computer going crazy. But that last part with all that mystic nonsense and swelling music, with Dave aging and being reborn. What tripe. Boring tripe at that.”
“You’re too much of a realist.”
“My wife thinks I’m a romantic.”
“Your wife would be an inspiration for the most hardened realist. She’s the best thing that ever happened to you.”
Lee grinned. “Don’t I know it. Beautiful, intelligent, and she supports my crazy drive to make it out here.”
He thought about Helena. Ben was absolutely right. She was the best thing in his life. With the time delay for communication, they hadn’t been able to talk for months, but he had written her nearly every day and received letters from her as well. She shared his love for the space program and they both had a vision of the future that included humanity spreading to the stars. He had fallen for her the first time he had seen her.
He had been helping his roommate’s sister Karen, move into a new apartment. Helena was unlocking the door to her own apartment across the hall. In a suave and debonair move, Lee walked right into a wall, dropping the box he was carrying and scraping his hand. Instead of laughing, she had hurried over to see if she could help, bandaged his hand, then helped move her new neighbor’s things in. By midnight, they sat at Karen’s kitchen table talking over an empty pizza box while Karen unpacked. Helena and Karen became good friends, and later Karen was maid of honor at her wedding while her brother was best man. Lee and Helena had been inseparable ever since. Of course, she was far away now, but only physically. She would always be close by in his heart.
“Atmospheric braking commencing now.” Ben’s voice brought him back to the present.
“Deploy magnetic scoop.” Lee ordered, as he had in every simulation they had run.
“Scoop deployed.” Carson’s voice rang out behind him.
“Data coming in now,” Laurie Simpson, the data tech confirmed from her seat next to Carson. “Collection bottle is beginning to provide feedback on contents.”
“Are the pumps working properly?” Lee asked.
Sven Svenson affirmed from the engineering station. “Pumps working as predicted.”
“Collection bottle up to one quarter atmosphere,” Laurie called out. “All readings normal.”
They had run this drill in the simulators so many times, it had the feel of routine. Collecting gases from Jupiter’s upper atmosphere while they used that same atmosphere to brake the ship had never been tried before, but the success of these two actions would be the key to colonizing Jupiter’s moons. Lee allowed himself a silent grin as all readings showed a successful maneuver.
There was a sudden lurch.
“Ben?”
“Gravity fluctuation, Skipper.”
“Compensate. Keep her on course.”
“Compensating.” Ben reached forward and touched the keys in front of him. Before he could finish, the ship lurched again.
“Hold it steady. Braking won’t work if we’re jerking around all over the place.”
“I’m trying, Skipper, but there’s an intense gravitational source drawing us to port.”
“We’re directly above the biggest planet in the solar system.” Lee took the controls. “Just keep the ship flying perpendicular to it.”
“I’m trying. It’s something else,” Ben said desperately.
“Laurie, can you give us a visual off the port side?” Lee asked, noting the same thing Ben was seeing. There appeared to be two distinct sources of gravity.
“On main screen, Captain.” Laurie confirmed. “I doubt there will be anything to see. Even this high up, the atmosphere is pretty dense.”
A diffuse yellow light lit the main screen. Vapor seemed to swirl in various colors of yellows and whites. As they watched, the vapors appeared to form a vortex.
“Fire all port thrusters, Ben. That looks like some kind of tornado and we don’t want to get caught up in it.”
“Port thrusters firing,” Ben followed the directions, but shook his head as he watched the instruments in front of him. “We’re off course, and moving closer to that thing.”
“Captain,” Laurie called. “I’m getting readings showing intense winds. Much higher than would be normal for the density of the atmosphere here.”
“Swirling around that cyclone?”
“No sir, straight toward it. As if it’s being pulled in… by… something.”
“Lee, it’s more than some kind of storm. And we’re heading straight for it,” Ben advised.
“Turn the ship,” Lee ordered. “Let’s use our main engines.”
Sven turned and looked at him. “That could cause us a serious drain on our fuels for returning to Earth.”
Lee had a chance to glance at Ben. They had been friends a long time, and their silent glance was enough to confirm that they wouldn’t need fuel to get home if they couldn’t get away from this.
“Turning the ship,” Ben acknowledged.
“Main engine burn in five… four…three…two…one.” Lee counted down, watching their angle change on his screen.
“Aft cameras on,” Laurie called. “Look at that!”
At the center of the vortex was now a dark speck. Lee flashed on a memory of “2001: A Space Odyssey” again and thought to himself, anything but a rectangle. This can’t possibly be some kind of monolith.
“All hands, into pressure suits now,” he called. There was a short scramble. Carson pulled two suits out of the nearest locker, handing one to Lee. On the other side of the bridge, Sven did the same for Ben. As they buttoned up, Lee looked at Sven. “If we have anything else to provide more thrust, do it now.”
“Aye, Captain,” Sven sealed his suit and returned to his board.
Lee and the others watched in silent horror as they drew closer to the black center. It wasn’t rectangular, but that didn’t provide any comfort. It rushed at them with appalling speed now, despite the full thrust of the main engines that had brought them from Earth in a relatively short period of time. As they drew closer he could see, it was full of stars.
He held on tight unable to do anything but sit back and ride this out to whatever end there was. He thought of Helena wishing for another chance to be with her again. He loved her so much.
Without so much as a sound, the lights went out and the ship simply vanished.
Helena Russell
“Hold it!” George Robinson called out. “That last run didn’t cut as deep. I think the harmonics must be off.”
Helena cut the power on the large drill in front of her. She pulled off the goggles and wiped her forehead with the back of her arm. “Could the structure of the rock be off?”
“No,” Todd Glenn responded. He was a geologist, but spending his time today removing the rubble her drill blasted apart. “The survey through here was accurate, and this stuff is your standard lunar basalt. Nothing different about it.” He picked up a hand sized rock and tossed it back and forth.
“Then it must be the calibration of the crystal,” George concluded with a sigh. “That’ll be it for tonight. We’ll have to put a work order in to Technical for repair.”
“They’re not that hard to calibrate,” Helena suggested. “There’s usually a chart on the interior of the light gun. I’ve done it before on the small ones.”
George shrugged. “I’m willing to try if you are.” He pulled out a tool kit.
Todd began to pull the rock hopper out of the room. “It’s only three quarters full, but I’ll get it emptied while you two are working on the drill.”
Helena nodded and hung her goggles on the edge of the drill. George opened the panel on the side of the drill while Helena opened the tool kit. Neither noticed the goggles swing just enough to hit the power switch on the control panel.
John Koenig
John placed his signature on one more report and stretched before picking up another. He had at least an hour to go before meeting Helena for dinner. He knew how important the expansion project was to Helena, so he had known better than to ask her to stop work early. Helena took the long view, something he appreciated, even if he couldn’t take it to heart as much as she did.
Their personal and professional lives were both devoted to survival here on Alpha, and he tended to focus on the immediate. It was a personality trait. He knew he was impatient and preferred action to caution. Sometimes it seemed he lived from one crisis to the next. But intellectually, he knew Helena was right. The personal survival of the Alphans meant nothing without the ability to stabilize their lives and continue man’s existence on the moon into new generations. Otherwise, what was the purpose of survival? Without Breakaway, he would have continued his career, promoting space exploration and the advancement to the stars by humanity to the exclusion of his own personal life. But out here, with Earth’s fate unknown, Helena pointed out that they might be humanity’s only chance to expand among the stars.
The alien Arra had made an amazing prediction, that his descendents would populate the stars. And, how could that possibly happen unless they were able to start families, raise children? He had never shared Arra’s prediction with Helena. There had been too much about the encounter that had been difficult to deal with. Their relationship had barely begun. His attraction to Helena Russell had been immediate, almost from the moment he first saw her. That attraction had been mutual. Both had lost spouses. Both had placed their career above their personal lives. Both were lonely. But there had been more than that. There had been a recognition between them. Almost as if at that first meeting, they were merely renewing an acquaintance after long separation. There was a level of trust between them, a level of respect, and the encounter with Arra’s planet had placed a strain on that bond growing between them.
So, he never spoke of Arra. And Helena’s arguments to expand the base, both personal and professional, had been resisted until they found the means to allow for that expansion. Breakaway had occurred three years ago. The only child born on Alpha since was now a toddler. He shouldn’t grow up alone. And the women on Alpha only had a certain length of time before their childbearing years slipped by.
To her credit, Helena had left her personal feelings out of the arguments. Helena wanted a child of her own. She and her first husband had planned to start a family once they were both established in their professions. Then Lee Russell failed to return from his first command, an exploratory trip to Jupiter. Helena’s dreams of a family turned to ashes.
Life on Moonbase Alpha was not easy. They were busy staying alive. There were shortages, there were crises, there were strange phenomena to deal with and aliens ranging from peaceful to hostile. But there were peaceful interludes too, when John and Helena had a chance to grow closer. When all else around them seemed doomed, she kept him sane. As his friend, she gave him a chance to vent his frustrations and problems, something he could not do with those under his command. Her rank as chief medical officer gave her certain responsibilities that equaled his and she was as close to an equal on the base as anyone. But as a woman, she was the person he most needed to protect and the person he needed to share their few joys and many sorrows. With Helena at his side, he felt more confident that they actually had a future.
Together they had carefully laid these plans to expand the base. And once they were in place, he had asked her to marry him and she had accepted happily. They had no intention of making any kind of royal affair from the ceremony, but the others on the base contrived to give them a terrific party, enjoyed by all.
“Commander, there’s a problem at the construction site.” Sandra’s tense call broke his reverie.
John looked up from the report in his hand. “What’s wrong?”
Her eyes went wide as she listened to her headset and she turned in her seat, right hand still on her board, operating it continually as she reported to him. “One of the drills has malfunctioned. There’s been an explosion.”
Koenig glanced at his own board, noticing that she had already alerted Medical Center. “Check with Dr. R—Dr. Koenig,” he corrected himself with a smile. “She can assess the problem and let Dr. Mathias know what she needs.”
Sandra replied slowly, gently, as if the tone of her voice could soften the news. “Commander, the Doctor is one of the casualties.”
John was out of his chair and out the door almost before she finished the sentence. He could hear Tony alerting fire control crews as the doors closed behind him.
Helena Koenig
Light, brilliantly white, so white it was painful, was the first thing Helena remembered as she regained consciousness. She flinched and gasped. Her hand was held in place and at first she thought it was in a cast, but as the memory of the brilliant light receded into darkness, she realized that someone was holding her hand. She blinked, trying to clear her vision, but all remained dark.
“Hey,” a dearly familiar voice said, a voice cracking with fatigue.
“John?”
His hand smoothed back her hair and she realized there was a bandage over her eyes. She tried to raise a hand to her face, but one hand was taped down to facilitate an IV, and the other was held securely in John’s larger one. He brought that one to his lips, and she reached out a finger to touch his cheek, chin, lips. He kissed the fingertip.
“I’m right here.”
“There was… an explosion!” It was coming back to her. The painful white light was the last thing she remembered, she couldn’t even remember a sound to the explosion, but the laser had definitely exploded. She tried to sit up but John placed a hand on her shoulder.
“Hold on. It’s all over now. Just lie back.”
“Todd? George?” She moved her head from side to side. Familiar with the sounds of Medical Center, perhaps she could tell if they were also here.
“Todd is fine. He had just left the room.”
“George?”
John’s silence spoke volumes. She gripped his hand tighter as if she could squeeze the information out of him. “John?”
“He was…” she could sense John’s reluctance. “He was badly burned. His goggles melted. He seemed to take most of it. By the time we got to him…”
His goggles melted. That told her how hot the explosion had been. His face… there would have been nothing left. She had been just behind him as he reached into the panel. The scene came to her in another blinding flash of light. She was looking over his shoulder as he reached into the cabinet. She could see him reaching out, a small arc of lightening from the tool to the crystal and the light engulfing them both. She still couldn’t remember the sound, just that awful painful light filling the world around her.
“The crystal must have exploded.” She shuddered. “The light was so bright.” The memory was still painful.
John pulled her hand back to his lips. “I nearly lost you.” His voice was barely a hoarse whisper.
“I’m still here,” she said softly. “My eyes?”
“Bob says… Bob says there’s a chance you’ll be all right.”
“How much of a chance?”
She felt another presence in the room, heard the rustle of a uniform. “Helena. You’re awake,” Bob Mathias said in a brisk voice. His businesslike tone told her volumes. The way John gripped her hand also told her more than she wanted to know.
There was the sound of plastic wheels rolling across polished floor as Mathias rolled a stool next to the bed. “Helena, I told him that we just don’t know yet. We need to give your body time to heal.”
“Read my chart to me, Bob.”
He hesitated. “Helena…”
“Read it, Bob.” She ordered. “You know I’d read it myself if my eyes weren’t covered.”
There was a rustling of the plastic film they used for patients. The films were used, scanned into computer records, then wiped and used again. He started at the top, vital signs and observations as she was wheeled unconscious into medical center. Then he detailed treatment and tests run over the past two days, including the machine-induced coma he had used to keep her unconscious during the worst of the pain.
She licked dry lips and considered. Now she knew that under these bandages were severe burns from nose to forehead. That had been the flash zone as she stood behind George. Her optic nerve had been overloaded by that awful white flash. It kept replaying in her mind, as if her brain were still trying to make sense of the painful images.
The burns would heal and scar, and could eventually be treated with skin grafts if necessary. It might not look like the work of a Southern California plastic surgeon, but would be functional. She would never look in the mirror to judge it, however. Short of some sort of spontaneous miracle, she would never see again. Repairing her optic nerves – the ones described as beautiful by the same Doctor Mathias when they had encountered the Tritons – was far beyond their skill, either here on Alpha or even back on Earth.
She began to tremble. Her mind was still coming to grips with the knowledge, but her heart had already made the leap, anticipating the long dark years of the rest of her life.
“Helena?” John called. “Helena!”
Bob’s hands were sure, moving to her IV as she turned cold. “She’s going into shock.”
John’s hand was warm against her cheek, his grip on her right hand never wavering. “Helena? I can’t lose you!” It was something between a plea and a command.
“I’m giving her a sedative,” Mathias said, voice clinical.
It was a strong sedative, indeed, and moved quickly to mask her grief and panic with a layer of indifference. She would have to worry about it later. John’s words of love and need followed her into the deep darkness that the drug was pushing her into, and she lost the will to remain conscious.
Nightmares dominated her unconscious mind with the screams and cries she remembered from Breakaway as well as several space warps they had experienced. They were combined with endless wandering through dark hallways and rooms lit with intensely white light. The light hurt so much she began to prefer the darkness of the hallways. She ran through them, arms outstretched toward the unknown, following the cries for help. Sometimes she thought she recognized voices. Sometimes it was John’s voice. Sometimes it was Lee’s. She never found either of them; she simply searched from blinding light to dark, following their voices.
Waking was almost a relief. She lay still, feeling the silken pillowcase against her cheek, the light weight of covers over her body. The IV tube ran along her arm, cool against her skin. Routine sounds of medical center comforted her ears. Her heart rate sounded normal. There was a low steady tone for her temperature, also normal. The instruments provided a musical code for her.
Someone was breathing nearby. It was the heavy regular breath of deep sleep – John’s breathing. He didn’t snore, but his breathing pattern told her he was exhausted and deeply asleep. He wasn’t close enough to be sitting in a chair beside her. Bob must have put him in the next bed in the ward.
They were probably in the two-bed isolation ward. It was just around the corner from the nurse’s station and set apart from the other wards by a storeroom. It provided more privacy than the main ward. Bob knew she would prefer to avoid the constant attention of her entire staff, however well intentioned it might be.
Now she realized that she might need some of that attention. As her body came awake, it insisted on her morning bathroom routine. She sat up and considered this problem.
Given John’s location, the bathroom should be just to her left. How was her IV connected? Her right hand moved to her left, ready to trace the tubing to its source.
She didn’t hear the soft footfalls and started slightly at the voice at the foot of her bed.
“The bag is on a trolley already. Let me put the rail down for you.”
“Alice.”
“Dr. Mathias said you wouldn’t call for help, so I’ve been watching over the monitor.” Her voice stayed soft, barely above a whisper. “Let me help so we don’t wake the Commander. He’s been up nearly the whole time since the accident.”
Helena nodded. She heard Alice release the rail on the side of the bed and roll the trolley for the IV bag closer. Alice took Helena’s hand and placed it on the bar of the trolley. Helena swung her feet around and onto the floor. Alice guided the trolley so one wheel gently touched the side of Helena’s foot. “There’s the wheel so you don’t trip over it.”
With a few softly voiced suggestions, she guided Helena to the bathroom, describing how far away each object was and which direction. Then she stepped outside the door to give Helena some privacy.
After Helena used the facilities, with more than a little fumbling, Alice coached her gently back to the bed.
“Hungry?” Alice asked quietly.
“A little,” Helena admitted.
“I’ll bring you a tray shortly. Some water?”
Helena heard water pouring from a pitcher beside the bed. “Yes, please.”
Alice placed the cup carefully in her hands, directing her fingers to the straw and Helena was able to easily take the cup.
“You seem to know exactly what to do,” Helena said, complimenting her nurse. She tried to remember Alice Manning’s background. “Did you work with the blind before?”
“My grandmother had macular degeneration. By the time she was 75, she was totally blind. I lived with her while I was attending nursing school. I learned a number of tricks from her.”
“It looks like you’re going to need to teach them to me,” Helena said, her tone of voice carefully concealing the despair she felt.
“I’ll do everything I can to help, Doctor Russell. My grandmother became quiet adept at moving around her own home. In familiar surroundings, you’d never have known she was sightless.”
Alice took the cup, smoothed Helena’s covers and promised to return soon with breakfast. Helena lay back and contemplated the new life ahead of her.
By the time John woke up breakfast had arrived. He came immediately to Helena’s side and took her hand. She could feel his concern in the tone of his voice and the way he gripped her hand tightly between both of his. She assured him quietly and gently that she was all right, then solicited his help in locating the food on her tray so she could eat.
Bob Mathias arrived before they finished. Helena was hungry, but eating without being able to see her plate was a challenge and she ate slowly. John was unsure how to cope with her situation. One minute he would try to joke with her, the next minute he would be trying to help her find her food. Her heart went out to him. At the moment, she put her concerns for her own future aside and did what she could to make John feel more at ease. She worked so hard at that it was almost a relief when Bob suggested that John should leave while Helena was examined and had a chance to rest. Helena seconded the motion, and John retreated reluctantly.
After a perfunctory physical examination she heard Bob pull up a stool beside the bed and sit down. “Physically, you’re doing fine. Do you have much pain?”
She shook her head. “The pain killers you’re pumping into me are adequate.”
“I’ll try to step down the dosage as your healing progresses. I don’t want you to get hooked on anything.”
She smiled in Bob’s direction. “Thanks. I think I have enough problems without that.”
“Helena,” Bob said reluctantly. I think the chance of you recovering any sight will be extremely small.”
She reached out for his hand and he grasped it. “I know,” she said quietly. “I promise I won’t flip out on you again.”
“You have every right…”
“No, I don’t. I have responsibilities. To Alpha, to John. I can’t afford the luxury of self-pity. I’ll just have to cope with this.” She tried to make the last sentence sound light-hearted, but couldn’t quite manage it.
Bob was silent for a time, but didn’t let go of her hand. “The Commander has been beside himself since the accident.”
Helena pondered this. She wasn’t surprised. She wondered how much of her thoughts she should share with Bob, but he would have to be Chief Medical Officer now. Once she was recovered she would find ways to help as much as she could, Alpha couldn’t afford invalids and everyone needed to contribute however they were able, but Alpha needed a CMO who could see.
“He depends on me. He’s a good man, and a good Commander. He cares about everyone on Alpha. But since Breakaway, I’ve become his confidant and his emotional release, the person he can tell how he really feels, no matter what he needs to do as Commander. We do love each other, Bob, but it’s more than that. He needs me.” She paused, then continued with conviction. “And I’ll be there for him, no matter what.”
Bob patted her hand. “I know that, Helena. And we’ll do everything in our power to help you.”
“I need to learn how to cope without my eyesight.” Her voice caught a bit on that last word, but she steeled herself and continued. “Alice said her grandmother was blind. Assign her to help me learn how to navigate and care for myself. I don’t know what kind of help I can be as a doctor, but we don’t have the manpower available for someone to look after me all the time. I need to be as independent as possible.”
“We’ll find ways to put you to work. You’re also our most experienced surgeon. We’ll need to pick your brain regularly. Perhaps you can also take on more of the counseling work. Once you’re up to it, of course.”
Helena nodded. She and Mathias continued to talk for a while, making plans. It helped keep her mind occupied from her own problems – from the waves of despair threatening to overcome her.
Work had always been Helena’s means of retreat. When she lost her father while still in college, she buried her grief by studying harder, taking on the most challenging projects and courses she could find. Her efforts to distract herself had won her that college prize John had admired in her office when they first met. When she lost Lee she again coped by immersing herself in work. Her dedication and hard work had paid off with her appointment to Alpha as Chief Medical Officer. Her grief at the loss of Lee, the loss of the dreams they shared of a family, had not left her, but had been effectively masked by her dedication to her work.
Within a few days she was recovered enough to leave medical center. Her daily sessions with Alice continued. Helena hadn’t realized that even her balance had depended on her vision. She was unsteady on her feet and disoriented. She noticed sounds she had never attended to before, but it didn’t mean she readily recognized those sounds, nor could she always tell the direction a sound was coming from.
One of the first things Alice helped her with, was navigating through the quarters she shared with John. Fortunately, both John and Helena were orderly people and preferred their quarters to be as uncluttered as possible and everything in its place. That would become important to Helena, who would not be able to look around the room to find something carelessly laid in a different place.
John was overly solicitous at first, working hard to clear obstacles out of Helena’s way and ‘help’ her move from one place to another. Helena was very firm in insisting she must learn to function on her own. She didn’t want to be an invalid that he must care for. She wanted to be his wife, his partner and his equal as they had both expected her to be when they had exchanged vows such a short time before.
John Koenig
The first night Helena was able to return to their quarters was both difficult and wonderful for John. Despite coaching from Mathias and Nurse Alice Hampton he still ached to do everything he could for her. It didn’t take Helena long to put him in his place, though, and once he forced himself to relax a little and let her do things on her own, he was even happier to have her back with him.
Helena returned home around noon and John helped Alice work with her to arrange the small apartment to make it easy for her to move around on her own.
The accident had caused him no end of horror. When George had died he had been terrified that Helena would not survive as well. He had been unable to concentrate, unable to sleep, and unable to imagine a life here on Alpha without Helena at his side. He tried to convince himself that her blindness would be temporary, and was rather surprised at her swift and seemingly complete acceptance of the possibility that she would never see again. She seemed fiercely determined to adapt without apparent regrets.
Even that night, as he tried to hold her in his arms and offer comfort, it seemed as if she were comforting him more than he was consoling her. But he had to admit, having her back, even without her sight, was wonderful.
Over the next month he watched her with awe as she steeled herself to cope with her strange new situation. She seemed to hold herself together with sheer will-power. And she didn’t try to hide herself away. The first day she returned to their quarters she insisted on going to the cafeteria for dinner. She asked him to describe the food offered in line and where it was on her plate: salad at two o’clock, bread at ten o’clock, the entrée of something approximating meat and noodles at six o’clock, as Alice had coached them. She fumbled only a little, searching for bites delicately with her fork; following the edge of the tray with her fingers to find her mug of coffee. She gracefully accepted the well wishes of others as they stopped by the table.
Alice became Helena’s coach and his. He frequently asked Alice how to help make Helena’s life easier, and Alice usually had a practical answer. She helped them organize their quarters to Helena’s advantage.
Things had been quiet on Alpha lately. The area of space they were in was remote and uninhabited. There were no nearby stars or planets. There had been no contact with passing aliens. It was a well-needed respite. Mining teams mined the south polar ice vein. Volunteers helped with the expansion. Two women were found to be pregnant at their next regular check-up. All of Alpha seemed to give a collective sigh of relief and settle into a quiet routine.
Lee Russell
Drifting – drifting – drifting. It was like being in a dream – a bad dream at that. Lee couldn’t tell how much time had passed, but he knew he was separated from his crew, and possibly his ship. All took on an odd surreal feeling. His most coherent thoughts were of his wife, and memories of Helena drifted through his mind often. It came to him, at times, that she was in trouble. He strained to help her, to warn her, although he wasn’t certain what he could do for her, or even what the problem was. But once in a brilliant flash of clarity he found himself holding her as she cried and somehow he had the power to return her world to some form of sanity. It was a world of dream-state, with orange skies and parrots and birds of paradise, and a full moon too close in the sky. It was no Earth, they were not home, and he somehow knew they could not stay there and could not stay together. A tall dark man was waiting to take her hand, and she went to him willingly. It gave him some comfort. Helena should not spend her life grieving for him. He loved her too much to wish for that.
And once more he found himself drifting – drifting – drifting.
John Koenig
Two months after the accident John still had moments where he felt guilty. He knew he hadn’t been there, and there was nothing he could do to change what had happened, but he would feel a wave of guilt wash over him anyway. The burns were healing, slowly, painfully, and they were fairly certain that Helena’s sight would never return and nothing could be done about it. He worried about Helena. She seemed to be coping better than he was, and sometimes it seemed that she comforted him more than he did her.
Late one afternoon he returned to his office, a small room just across the hall from Command Center. He had been checking on the status of the new ‘beta’ section that Helena had been working on when the accident occurred. It was coming along at a fast pace. Within six months the first dozen apartments would be ready for occupancy. John and Helena had talked a lot about applying for one of the new apartments, enjoying the view of the gardens below, having a place big enough for them to start a family. But such talk had been absent since the accident.
As usual, as the door opened, the lights turned up. He headed straight for his desk; going over a mental list of things he needed to do next. It always seemed to be an unending list, but he didn’t dwell on that, it was routine. It wasn’t until he glanced up at the computer screens that banked the wall his desk faced that he saw Helena’s reflection in the screens. She was sitting on the small sofa that had been in his old office on the surface. The sofa and a chair had been squeezed into a corner of the small room to allow John a chance to have quiet and informal conversations with people when needed. He liked his desk in Command Center but sometimes that was too public. He missed his larger office, even though he knew that Command Center was more efficient and better protected. He swiveled his chair around.
“Hello.” He loved her so much. He couldn’t help smiling at her even though he knew she couldn’t see him.
She had been sitting in his office in the dark. She hadn’t said anything when he walked in. And now she swallowed and seemed to be struggling to compose herself enough to speak. He felt a trickle of fear. This was not normal behavior for Helena.
He moved from his chair to kneel in front of her. He took her hands in his. “Helena? What’s wrong?”
A tear fought a tortuous path across her scarred cheek. She opened her eyes; they were wide and green and did not focus on his. She reached out to put a hand on his cheek. “John,” her voice broke and the tears began to flow more freely. “Oh, John, hold me.”
In one motion John moved to sit beside her, he pulled her into his lap and folded her into his arms. She put her head on his shoulder and sobbed, unable to speak. John could feel her silky blond hair against his cheek, and for a long time he merely held her, letting her cry.
It took a while for the sobs to subside, but John didn’t try to rush her. For John, Helena was the most important reason for the survival of Alpha. She made all the struggles they endured worthwhile.
“Can you tell me what’s bothering you?” He asked quietly. There was certainly plenty of reason for her tears but why now?
She pressed her face against his neck, sightless eyes closed tight. “I’ve wanted…” she took a breath and started again. “I’ve wished … to be able to tell you this for so long. But now… John… I can’t… I don’t think…” She took another deep breath and sat up, facing him even though she couldn’t see him. “John. I’m pregnant.”
For a moment he couldn’t breathe. When he could manage to speak a word the only thing he could think of to say was, “Oh, Helena.” It was what they had wanted, what they had dreamed of, longed for: making a home, having a family. But since the accident, John hadn’t given this a single thought. Nor had he asked Helena if she had.
“John,” she said softly. “John, I don’t think I can do this.”
“Helena, you’re not in this alone,” he tried to reassure her.
“It’s not the pregnancy.” She spoke haltingly. “It’s not even being unable to see the baby or to change a baby. It’s… It’s the whole thing. It’s not being able to see a toddler climb and fall. Or a careless seven year old who leaves toys on the floor. Or…” Her voice broke. “Or a scheming teen who sneaks out without permission because she knows her mother is blind.”
The tears flowed again. John held her tight. The only think he could think of to ask was, “What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
Tears came to his own eyes as he had a horrible thought. “Helena?” he whispered into her silky blond hair, unable to look her in the eyes. “Helena, you know I wouldn’t put you through this if you don’t want to do it.” Tears streamed down his cheeks.
Her hand reached up to touch his face. She could feel the tears. “We’ve wanted this – both of us – since the very beginning.” Her voice was calmer now, but soft, so low it felt as if she were speaking from a great distance. “It was one of the first things we both agreed on, remember?”
He turned his lips to her fingertips and smiled. “I remember. We talked about it right after Breakaway. Over one of the last cups of real coffee to be had. We discussed the state of Alpha’s morale. Of course we were all stunned and upset, and there were plenty who were suddenly separated from family and completely distraught…”
“Then we talked about the fact that some of us wanted to be here. Wanted to make this a home. Until you said that, I was almost afraid to tell you about the Crawfords.”
“Couples who were already planning to make Alpha home. The Crawfords, the Kellys, the Sandersons. God, all three men are dead now.” John shook his head. There had been too much death on Alpha. Too much bad news. Too many friends gone now. He felt Helena shiver beneath his hands, and knew she shared his thoughts.
“Then you said how happy you were about Sue and Jack. And I knew, just knew, that you wanted the same kind of thing.”
“It took us too long to reach a point where we could feel comfortable having more kids.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Helena. We should have done this ages ago.”
She caressed his cheek. “No, you were right. We needed to wait until we were a bit more stable.” She leaned her forehead against his. “John, I’m still afraid, but I want to do this. I want to have our baby.”
John felt an immense relief. “We’ll manage, Helena. I’ll help. And we have good friends. They’ll help too. We’ll take good care of our child.” He pulled her into a tighter embrace as the words echoed in their minds. “Our child” sounded so wonderful.
Lisel shifted in her seat uneasily and sighed. “So then Daddy was born. I know it was hard on you Gramma, but Daddy was undoubtedly the perfect baby. I didn’t know you’d been married before and I’m real sorry you lost your first husband. But I go on duty in about ten minutes, so I gotta go.” Before her grandmother could say another word, she stood, leaned down and kissed her grandmother’s cheek, blew a kiss at her grandfather and headed out the door.
Helena held out her hand to her husband of many years. In two steps he was beside her, her hand in his. She moved over and made room for him on the small sofa. “How can she not know?”
“She’s young. She’s always been the baby of the family and everything has always been about her. She hasn’t been told, and obviously she hasn’t really been paying attention to anything around her. But it’s not like Neil spends a great deal of time talking about it. Nor do any of us. My love. It’s ancient history to a teen like Lisel.”
“She should know.”
“Of course she should. Perhaps she could join us for dinner tomorrow and we could tell her more then.”
Helena was quiet for a moment. “I thought I could. I thought I could tell the story. But I don’t think I’m up to the next part. I guess I’m a coward.”
He kissed the top of her head. “You are anything but a coward, Helena Russell. Don’t ever think that. But I understand. He was my friend too, you know.”
She nodded and turned her face to him. Tears were absorbed into the fabric of his shirt. He stroked her hair, longer than she had worn it all those years ago, but still a golden blonde. He never saw the gray in it.
