Lives We Touch

By Paula Austin

Richard stared solemnly at the screen in front of him. He felt the fingers of dread wrap around his heart, pulling at his insides and leaving him numb. He turned the screen off and got up to leave. He had to find his mother. He had to talk to her so he could understand.

He was just outside his mother’s office when he saw her speaking with Laurie Mendel. He slipped into her office and waited so he would not disturb them. He really hadn’t wanted to have this conversation in public anyway. Soon the door opened and Helena Koenig entered and sat down at her desk. She was so involved in thought that she didn’t notice Richard until she had sat back to take a deep breath.

"Hi, Son. I thought you were supposed to be working in the lab today." Helena had been allowing Richard to come to Medical Center and perform various tasks such as restocking, running errands and studying various premed subjects that had been outlined for training Alpha’s future doctors. Officially his mentoring had not begun yet, like many of his friends in other departments. The entire medical Center staff effected his training and the other young adults in the medical profession.

Richard looked nervously at the door and Helena motioned for him to close it. He wasn’t very good at hiding his feelings. Especially from his mother.

"I am, Mom. I just took a break. I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Oh?" Helena sat up straight in he chair and gave Richard her full attention. It was understood that while Richard and Helena were working in Medical Center that she was

Dr. Koenig and their relationship would be maintained at a professional level. Personal issues were left at home and dealt with there.

Walking around the side of the desk, Richard keyed an access code on Helena’s terminal. The data that Richard had been studying earlier was immediately displayed. His knowledge of Medical Center’s database was considerable since he had been instrumental in it’s restructuring.

Helena looked at the screen noting the pertinent information with a trained eye. Finally she sat back and looked at her son. She didn’t like him accessing records like this, but felt she should address that issue later.

"Well," she sighed sadly " I can’t say that these results weren’t expected." She placed a hand on Richard’s arm. "Son, Chris is in the late stages of cancer and all we can do is make her comfortable." She knew that Richard and Chris Krususki had developed a special relationship since she had been coming to Medical Center for her treatments for Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. Richard had been sitting up with her during the sickness after her chemotherapy sessions. Through their long discussions they had developed a quite a bond.

"Isn’t there something we can try? A new treatment? Something experimental?" there was desperation in Richard’s voice. His maturity at such a young age was betrayed by his concern.

"We’ve tried everything that we can. She’s had intensive chemotherapy and bone marrow transplants. Even the BCG vaccine didn’t have much result." Helena took a deep breath and faced her son. "Richard, I know this is hard for you to understand and even harder to accept, but sometimes you have to know when you can’t win." She didn’t know any way she could explain Chris’ situation any better. "All we can do now is make her comfortable and be with her."

The words rang hollowly off the walls of his mothers office. Richard wasn’t ready to lose this battle, but he knew his mother would have tried anything if she could. "Do you mind if I stay with her in the ward?"

"Sure, let me know if you need anything. Your father is coming home this morning so I’m leaving early. Call me on my slate if you need me." Helena saw the hurt in her youngest child’s eye and yearned to be able to take it away. She hoped that this would give him more compassion as a doctor.

 Walking slowly back to the ward at Medical Center, Richard thought of his friend. He was perhaps her only close friend on Alpha. She had never fit in because she was never meant to be on Alpha. A strange issue of circumstances had left her marooned on the runaway satellite like the hundreds of others she had shared it with. The similarity ended with that. Chris Krususki had been a chef for the Lunar Commission, hired to accompany VIP’s to remote locations and provide for their culinary comforts. Unfortunately, she had been assigned to Commissioner Simmons on September 12, 1999 and had made the trip to Moonbase Alpha just before disaster struck. She had lived beside the Alphans, sharing their dangers and adventures but never really belonging. Thinking back, Richard could not remember he mentioning anyone that she had left behind on Earth. Many of the first generation had left behind friends and family that they still reminisced about from time to time, but Chris had never mentioned a soul.

Richard saw that Chris was resting as he entered the ward. Not wanting to disturb her removed his slate from his belt and sat down quietly next to her bed. His mother had sent some information on her cancer and he was grateful for time to review it. Scrolling through the information he noted that she had displayed many of the signs and symptoms associated with this terrible disease. Weight loss, fatigue, night sweats, they were all there. He made a point to ask his mother about the enlarged spleen.

He felt the sensation of being watched and looked over to see Chris looking back at him. Her eyes were glazed from the pain medication and her cheeks were hollow and pale. It pained him to see her this way.

"Hi, Richie" Her voice was weak and cracking.

He reached over and took a glass of water from the table holding it where she could sip from it. He smiled as she looked into his eyes. She was the only one who still called him Richie. As she settled back down she grimaced.

"Are you in much pain?" He knew she was and there wasn’t much there could do about it. The pain medication seemed to have little effect any more.

"No, not much" They both knew she was lying.

Richard was about to offer to get her something to eat when Bob Mathias came in. He came over and sat down next to Chris on the bed taking her weak hand in his.

"Do you need something more for pain?" He was practicing his best bedside manner.

"I don’t think it would help, doc. I’m just so tired."She closed her eyes against the new wave of pain that was washing over her weakened body. "Any news?" She was asking through clenched teeth.

Mathias dropped his head and shook it in defeat. "No, the last set of test confirmed what we already knew. Your kidneys are involved now." He paused not wanting to ask, but wanting to give her an option. "We can put you on dialysis, but the will only prolong the inevitable. It’s time for you to tell me what you want."

Chris looked at Richard who was standing by the bulkhead fighting for control of his emotions. As she looked back at Mathias she took his hand. A tear was rolling down her own cheek. "I want....." she swallowed hard "nothing. When the time comes....let me go with dignity." The tears were rolling freely now.

Mathias stood up. The strain showing on his own face. "Okay, I’ll check in later." As he started to leave he motioned for Richard to follow him into the hall.

Once into the hall he turned to Richard and looked him in the eyes. "You mom left me a message that you were going to stay tonight. Are you sure you’re up to it? I can have a nurse come in and sit with her."

"No!" the answer was more abrupt than he meant. "I mean, no,sir. I’ve always sat with her when she was sick and I want to be here now."

Satisfied with the answer, Mathias nodded his head in agreement. "Fine. Call me if you need anything. I’ll check in later." he called back from down the hall.

Richard stood against the bulkhead for a second longer. He felt a flood of emotions, but refused to let them show. He promised himself when he became a doctor he would show the kindness, compassion and respect for a patient that he saw in Bob Mathias today.

"Richard?... Richard?" He kept hearing his name. He wanted to answer, but a hand was shaking him. Distracting him. He opened his eyes.

"Richard?" The face in front of him smiled. "I brought you some supper. You should eat it or it will get cold."

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Thanks, I must have dozed." He took the tray from Laurie Mendel. Evidently, the German nurse was working a double tonight.

Laurie walked around the bed and straightened the covers around her patients sleeping form. A strand of blonde hair fell down from the neat bun she usually wore. She was not entirely unaware of the school boy crush that Richard had on her. "Finish you meal. I’ll pick up the tray when I bring in more fluids for her."

Richard watched Laurie leave the room. Ordinarily he would be giddy from the attention the nurse was showing him, but tonight the sadness he felt distracted him. His dream had disturbed him and he tried to put it out of him mind. He kept going back through it over and over. He thought of how Chris used to talk about her hobby, coin collecting, a lot. Although she didn’t have her coins on Alpha she showed him pictures of collections from the library. They had spent many hours discussing it while she fought to over come the sickness that inflicted her body after each Chemotherapy treatment.. He was probably the second most expert on a hobby that no longer existed.

He had just finished his meal and was pushing him tray to the side when his friends eyes fluttered open. He noticed that they were a little more sunken and she had more pallor.

"I’m dying, Richie" her voice was coming in gasps. Her breathing was more labored.

"Do you want me to get Doctor Mathias?" He forced himself to be calm.

"No, stay with me."

Richard watched as she struggled for breath. He moved in closer so she wouldn’t have to strain too much to talk.

"You’ve been the best friend I’ve had on this rock." she coughed. "One day you are going to make a wonderful doctor. You’re good to people." She was caught in a spasm of pain and Richard saw the color drained from her face. "Thank you for bringing a little bit of color to my life." Another wave of pain convulsed her body. "Please get the doctor, Richie".

Forgetting his slate Richie raced from the ward. Looking around he spotted Laurie. Running up to her he grabbed her by the arm spinning her around to face him. He ignored her surprised look. "Get the doctor! It’s Ms Krususki!" He spun around and raced back in to the ward.

He stopped beside the bed. Taking her hand he said "The doctor’s on his way. Hold on."

He noticed the change immediately. A look of peace had replaced the tormented and haunted look on his friend's face. Stepping closer he softly spoke her name.

There was the sound of activity from behind him. He felt a man's firm grip take him by the shoulders and pull him away. Unable to offer any resistance stood and watched as Dr Mathias and his team moved in to examine the body.

Richard could feel the waves of grief give way to his steady resolve to be strong. Tears flooded down is face as he began to think of all the things he wanted to say, but would never have time for again. People were talking to him, but he couldn’t make out the words. Fragments like "...didn’t suffer...good friend.....peace ..." drifted through the fog. Suddenly, he knew he had to go home. He had to talk to the one person that could explain it all to him and would listen without prejudice. He knew he had to talk to his mom.