Memories of Family
Memories of Family
Breakaway + 4 yrs
Sandra felt the happiest she had been in… well, ages. She felt nothing but joy that Helena and the Commander were finally going to be wed. She had often wondered what took the Commander so long to ask. It had been obvious for years to anyone who bothered to see that the two were devoted to one another. The Commander had risked much on many occasions for Helena’s sake. It was all rather romantic, really.
Sandra looked through her wardrobe for the uniform in the best condition and pulled it down. Laying it over her arm, she walked to her dresser drawers and opened the top one to pull out her silk undergarments, the ones she kept for rare occasions only, just to make herself feel a bit special. As she closed the drawer, a small package tucked in the very back caught her eye. Taken by surprise, her uniform slid off her arm to the floor forgotten. She hadn’t even thought of the package in years. Shocking in their intensity, a flood of memories came crashing down, all of them surrounding the special woman who had given her this gift…
…Meeting Diane for the first time in Edla’s yarn shop in Oxford
…Standing in the wedding of her papa to Diane
…Meeting the infant Julia in Diane’s arms for the first time
…Receiving her posting to Alpha, Diane hugging her for joy
…Diane and Julia seeing her off for her third Alphan tour
…Breakfast on Alpha with Diane and Julia, just three months before Breakaway
With great effort, Sandra forced herself to return to the reality of now. She missed her family was an intensity that hurt, but life did go on, and today was to be a day of joy and celebration. She would celebrate the wedding of her friends and she could celebrate the memory of her family.
Sandra took the small package and opened it knowing what she would find, but forgetting how rich and vibrant its color was. She shook out the dark golden silk shirt with its tiny mother of pearl buttons and held it up in front of her. It was sized much too large to wear in public but she knew it was perfect to sleep in. Gathering the soft silky piece in her hands, she rubbed the smooth fabric against her cheek and remembered her family with an ache of longing. She remembered finding the small package under her pillow. It had been the night after Diane and Julia had left Alpha after their unexpected visit shortly before Breakaway. It had been the last time she had seen her family.
She held the shirt tightly against a wave of grief. The small gift was so typical of something Diane would do. Diane had known that Gorski never allowed his officers to wear anything but duty uniforms, and the old-style unisex ones at that, but there was no way he could forbid their choices of evening wear in the privacy of quarters. This was Diane’s subtle way of thumbing her nose at the man she had disliked.
Taking several deep breaths to calm herself, Sandra walked to the bathroom where she hung the silk shirt on a hanger. The steam of the shower should help it lose its creases. Silk was very forgiving. In the brighter light of the bathroom, she saw the small flowers embroidered in a matching colored thread all along the hem and high neckline. She again recognized her stepmother’s fine work. It must have taken Diane quite a while to do. The flowers were Sandra’s favorites: roses and honeysuckle and hyacinths all whimsically done in tiny, precise stitches.
As she traced her fingers over the embroidered flowers, she realized that she had never worn it for anyone. She had enjoyed wearing it as a tame effort of rebellion while Gorski was in command, but after Breakaway she had carefully folded it away with her other treasures from Earth.
Returning to the sleeping alcove, Sandra picked up the uniform that lay forgotten on the floor and smoothed it out on her bed. So much had happened in the four years since they had left Earth. There had been so many losses and times of absolute terror. Truly, it was amazing that they were still alive.
As she slipped out of her clothes and walked to the shower, she thought of friends that were gone, especially the Professor and Kano. Despite being the ultimate techno-geek, David had had a quirky sense of humor that made her laugh. And the Professor had become a second father to her. She thought briefly of Mike Ryan. It had hurt terribly when he had died in the Black Sun, but from the perspective of three years and more she could see her infatuation for him for what it was… desperation after Breakaway. As she turned her face into the hot water to rinse the soap out of her hair, her thoughts turned to Paul. No, that was still too painful a time to dwell upon. She wondered how it was possible to still miss him and despise him at the same time. Then there was Alan.
Sandra reached for her towel and dried off her short hair and then the rest of her body. Wrapping the towel about herself she went over to the mirror to fix her make-up. Alan had been one of her first friends on Alpha back when she first arrived in ’97. More than six years ago now. He had always been around to make a foursome or to do a favor. He had even smuggled needlework supplies to her on several occasions, she thought with a smile. A sign of true friendship, he had once said. Sandra remembered the darker times as well. He had been the one to search for her on Retha, an involuntary shudder running through her at the memories of that time, and he had been there for her almost constantly since Paul had betrayed Alpha.
Why?
Makeup on and hair dried and brushed, she went to put on her undergarments and uniform. She looked at the left sleeve and sighed. And to think yellow had been her childhood favorite. She started to dress.
Be honest, she thought to herself. Why should Alan spend so much time with her? He could certainly have his pick of any unattached female on Alpha, but the gossip net had been silent on any recent Carter conquests. Then, why? If she were honest with herself, she knew the answer. Because he was a sap for hard-luck cases. He had often told her about the three-legged dogs he had rescued and the joeys he and his sister had bottle-fed. Sandra was under no delusions. She was the original Alphan hard-luck case.
But, of late she had caught the occasional glance her way that didn’t seem to include anything of pity, and maybe…
The evenings they spent together were wonderful. She looked forward to sharing time with him, watching him, being alone with him. She missed him deeply when he was away from Alpha. She worried about him.
During their evenings together, he told her about his missions past and present, they watched movies, laughed, and even attempted to make the occasional dinner. Alan in a kitchen was a comical scene. Enthusiasm yes, ability no. The man could burn water. Sandra shook her head; she was amazed he hadn’t starved before coming to Alpha where there was always prepared food available.
He really did seem to enjoy the time he spent here with her… but if that was so, then why in the past three years hadn’t he tried to be more than just a friend? There had been a few times recently when she thought he might reach out to her, to touch her, but he hadn’t. Oh, he had on occasion given her a good night kiss on the cheek, and once, last week, had started to kiss her before pulling back. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t been with a man before, although it had been a while. Sandra looked in the mirror to do a final check and then paused with a thought. Maybe he was waiting for her?
Now, that would be in his style. He had a code of honor that he stuck to. Sandra admired his loyalty to friends and Alpha and suspected that was why he had followed Alpha after Breakaway. She had once run a computer sim and had confirmed for herself that he had had a twelve minute window when he could have turned and made it back to Earth, and he was too good a pilot not to have been aware of that.
Sandra pulled on her boots and walked back to the bathroom to look at the nightshirt once again. She ran her fingertips up and down its smooth length. Things were changing on Alpha. Couples were making firm commitments. Alpha was in good enough shape to sustain extra mouths, and the Alphans were very much ready for children. She and Helena had spoken of just that not so long ago and Sandra knew Helena planned to bring it up at a Command Conference. She smiled. After the honeymoon, she suspected.
She thought again of her family. Her Papa had been widowed twice and he had still reached out and embraced the opportunity Diane had presented. And even though Diane was twenty years his junior, Sandra knew they had been very happy together. And if her Papa hadn’t taken that chance Julia would never have been born.
Sandra thought of her poor Papa and chuckled. He had never approved of pilots, especially astronauts, and had made that abundantly clear when she and Peter had become engaged. Since then, she realized each man she had been interested in had been a pilot. Poor Papa. He probably wouldn’t have liked Alan too much either, at least at first. But the consummately proper British professor had finally succumbed to the Australian Diane who had loved the space program and Eagles. He even had moved to Sydney for part of each year. Sandra had no doubt that Alan could have won Lawrence Benes over, eventually.
Smiling to herself, Sandra thought that just maybe it was time to surprise the good Captain Carter. As the door chirped to let her know her Australian escort to the wedding had arrived, she touched the embroidery one last time.
She wondered what Alan would think to see her in it.
30 Dec 2005
MDG