Renewal
Renewal
Breakaway + a few months
The pain in the patient’s eyes haunted her. It was the same pain Betty herself felt; the pain of one forsaken. The mere physicality of broken bones and shattered internal organs, while grave, were surmountable and the least of the man’s problems. Betty knew that Dr. Russell feared the security man would die, and in fact was certain of it, unless he fought harder to live.
Betty knew the problem; Tony Verdeschi’s soul was dying.
She appeared serene and confident as she stood at the man’s bedside, but it was all a sham and she knew it. Maybe he did, too. And in which case, they were both doomed to a brief, meaningless existence.
A few weeks later…. Betty McCandless felt that coming to Medical Center for this purpose, to comfort the ill and perhaps share a prayer, was a lie. However, the message from Dr. Mathias said there were patients asking for her, and since they were all going to be dead within the next hour, she could finish out this charade if it gave comfort to others. She was not so lost to compassion as to not feel another’s pain and wish to ease it. After a brief visit and prayer with those who requested, she pulled up a white chair and sat down next to the security man who had finally sunk into a catatonic depression. She reached out her hand, the one now at the end of the yellow sleeve currently hidden by the silver parka, and laid it on Tony’s chest. Although she couldn’t see any foggy exhalations in the bitterly cold air, the barely felt rise and fall of his chest confirmed the telemetry readings; he was still alive. Withdrawing her hand, she sat back in the chair, tucking her slightly graying brown hair into the neck of the parka to help deaden the drafts. It would soon be over for them all. Her thoughts drifted to a distant, happier past.
Betty had been a nun, once. Now, the faith of forty years was shattered, like their poor moon had almost been. The only prayers she said now were mechanical…. to bring comfort to those who found peace, however misguided, in her presence. After Breakaway, she had laid aside her habit and had asked to be put to work. She had immersed herself in organizing the astounding diversity of data that had been stored for posterity in the hard vacuum on the moon.
Now, it was over. A Black Sun was about to swallow them. Professor Berman had created a force shield of sorts, but none of the physicists she had spoken with truly had much faith in it. Commander Koenig had sent off an Eagle with six Alphans as a sort of ‘life-raft.’ Her new supervisor, Sandra Benes, had been one. Though she held her doubts of success, she held her tongue.
She closed her eyes. She was cold, so very, very cold…..
Her physical body faded away, she became tenuous in body and mind… Silver sparkles glittered all around. Was that a galaxy of stars she perceived, or merely the universe inside a single atom? She felt calm, at peace for the first time since Breakaway. And she was blessedly warm. Her body, for she did still have one it seemed, was old, amazingly frail and parchment-like. The solar winds were about to blow her into dusty motes… how very appropriate an end for one who loved ancient books. Eternity passed, or perhaps no time at all. She felt the thoughts of another flutter against her soul… felt? Yes. In this beautiful non-place there was another…. God?
“No, I am not He. I am… well, I am not too certain really.” As graceful as a youth, Betty turned seeking the puzzled thought-voice and saw a slender youngster, perhaps of fifteen or so, looking out into infinity. The girl, for she saw that now, turned and held out her hand and Betty walked over, taking it in her own, noticing with only mild surprise that she now wore a blue cotton sundress. The two youths walked away together.
The light was a rich, warm golden haze and the air seemed to hold the scent of evergreens and snow. Time seemed fluid, she noticed without concern, as she walked by the child, now woman, now aged crone and now girl-child once again.
.
“Do you know what is happening?” asked Betsy, her voice light and musical.
“No. But I do like it here.”
As she looked around, Betty realized she did, too. She looked again at the other. “Have you been here before?”
“I… do not think so.”
“Who are you?” This seemed very important to Betty for some reason.
“Just me.” The youth, now a young child of five or so, led the way, skipping gaily through the silver motes.
They walked for a long while, side by side, as Betty slowly found what she had thought lost. Her sense of being right with the world, of being centered in her faith, seemed, amazingly, to steal itself back into her soul.
“You are much needed, you know,” the frail voice of the old woman said. You are important to the Alphans, although they do not know it yet. You will be one who leads the way for those not yet born.”
Children, on Alpha? The ramifications of that thought so surprised her that Betty missed the next few thoughts the small child shared. A gentle touch on her face brought her back into focus. She saw the girl nod happily. “Not all of the future is dark, although many will be lost before renewal begins.” A shadow of sadness crossed the child’s face.
“Faith is important. You may have trouble believing in God just now, and you have not spoken with Him for a while,” and there was a slight scold to the tone, “but He believes in you.”
Betty accepted this pronouncement calmly. Such a statement seemed right in this place. “Are you an angel?” Betty finally asked. The child’s rippling laughter caused the warm yellow haze to shimmer in joy.
“Oh, no, I am just …. a potential. Perhaps, just the twinkle in someone’s eye. Much must happen before I can be.” The waif shrugged her shoulders with a wistful, gentle smile. She looked like no one on Alpha that Betty had met, and yet, and yet…
“And if it doesn’t?” asked Betty, profoundly sad at the thought of this bright soul, for that was what she must be, never entering her life again.
“Then maybe I cease to be, or become someone else. I do not know, but He does. It will be alright, truly, but I must go now, Sister. There are some people waiting for me, although they do not know it yet, I think.” She reached out her arms, and the two middle-aged women hugged tightly. And smiling a smile that was kind and mischievous both, her bright green eyes shining merrily, the woman-child turned and darted away through the shimmering stars, their lights reflecting silver in her hair, heading toward the small, fragile lifeboat so very, very far away.
Sister Betty opened her eyes. She was alive and still on Alpha, and she had a patient to help.
“Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee….” The words, especially beautiful in lyrical Italian, brought comfort to them both. At the end of their prayers, Tony Verdeschi looked up at her with the first, faint, smile she had seen on his face.
“You know, Sister, I think someone is watching out for us”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, that Black Sun should have been the end. No way could the Professor’s force shield have saved us alone. Maybe there is something worth living for on this dead rock, after all.”
Sister Betty looked carefully at Tony, wondering if he had seen or felt anything in that strange passage. Perhaps she would ask him one day. For her, the experience was already fading and she didn’t know quite what to make of it, but she retained the peace and deep conviction that some mysterious force, God she believed, was indeed guiding them. Perhaps, that was explanation enough.
“Same time tomorrow, Sister?”
“Of course. Good night, Tony.” And with a rejuvenated soul, she left to return to her small work space. She had a conversation to renew with an old friend.
MGK