Matters of Trust
Alan glanced behind them as they walked away. He just wasn’t all that sure about this situation, to be honest. Sandra seemed okay with leaving the kids behind, but he would’ve been happier if they were in Annie’s care. He just didn’t like the alien. Oh, she certainly was pretty enough, soft spoken, wickedly smart, and, well... and a shapechanger.
The familiar shiver ran down Alan’s spine.
It just wasn’t natural for someone to be able to change into a giant bird, or one of those little critters that skittered around at night, or an aardvark. Well, he’d never seen her as an aardvark, but he bet she could. It just wasn’t normal.
“Sahn...”
From his side, Sandra looked up at him with a smile, reading him like an open book. “They’ll be fine with her, Alan.”
“How can you be sure? We don’t know anything about her, really.”
“We know she has no one else. She has never given us cause to doubt her good intentions. She always helps when asked, and she did find those miners when they got lost in the cavern. They might’ve died otherwise.” Sandra shrugged, a small smile still on her lips. “What more can you ask, Alan?”
“How about a birth certificate that reads ‘Made on Earth’?”
Sandra laughed at him. She led the way into the Eagle, waiting until he crossed the threshold, then pushed the panel to close the hatch. She put the picnic lunch box down in a seat and gracefully turned to face him. Alan’s worries faded slightly as he watched her. Damn she was lovely. He watched as she stepped in close to him, placing both hands flat on his chest and reaching up to kiss him on the lips.
“She is lonely, Alan. I know how that feels. Let it be.”
Right now, he’d agree to just about anything Sandra wanted. Alan gathered her close and returned the kiss with interest. After a year of healing and waiting, Helena had finally given the all-clear for Sandra to attempt another pregnancy. The contraceptive implant had been removed two months ago and the calendar said now was the opportunity. He’d been waiting for this chance for an awfully long time, and he wasn’t going to let anything interfere.
“Whatever you say, Sahn. Come on, keep me company up front?”
Sandra nodded, a bright look of anticipation in her eyes. He waited the few minutes it took for her to safely stow the lunch box and then took her hand and led the way to the command module. Today was going to be a wonderful.
~~~~~~~~~~
The flight over the two intervening sun-filled valleys was brief as these things went, a mere 20 minutes or so. Not so far as the proverbial crow flew, but on foot the steep mountains and cliffs would have meant a trip lasting a few weeks, at least, and there were few among the Alphans that were yet up to that. Maybe in a few more years, after the settlement established itself better and people learned to tolerate the higher altitudes. After a year world-side, the Alphans were again acclimated to living in the open, but thank goodness they hadn’t been on Alpha much longer. They might have found it too difficult to return to a planet-based life.
As the Eagle cleared the last ridge, they found the valley in front of them still wreathed in morning mist. As Alan guided the Eagle up the valley, unexpected winds began battering the Eagle from odd angles and rain clouds could be seen rolling in. This was one of the things that still bugged Alan. Nova Alpha didn’t follow the expected rules of nature. Not, Alan had to admit, that an astronaut was exactly an expert on terrestrial weather of any sort. It just seemed odd to him that weather could be so very different from one small patch of earth to the next. All the mountains, he supposed.
They approached the landing area, hovered briefly, and then settled down with barely a bump. Sandra smiled her appreciation at his skill, and unlatched her restraints. She stood, slipping back to the passenger pod before Alan could detain her. As he cycled down the main motors and notified the settlement’s command center of their safe arrival, he heard the pod door open and the stairs extend. Sandra appeared anxious to get a start on their holiday. Good enough.
Alan pushed himself up out of the seat and headed back. Pausing only long enough to grab a blanket to spread on the ground should the opportunity arise, he stepped out through the open door. Sandra obviously felt it was safe, and she was actually more woods-wise than he, but old habits died hard and he wanted to make sure nothing unexpected awaited. Alan took a deep breath as he scanned the surrounding woods-covered hills and the nearby waterfall. The trees in this valley didn’t smell anything like those from his little patch of old mother Earth, but there was a definite something in the air that meant spring was coming. And like bees, birds, and march hares, he was feeling a mite frisky himself. He headed out, looking around for Sandra. She couldn’t have gone far.
His family would have loved to hike these mountains. Kyle and Gretchen Carter were outdoors people, and had instilled their love of adventure in their three sons. His mother especially would have enjoyed discovering all the new animal life that abounded on this world.
“Sandra, where are you?”
“Here.”
He turned around at the sound of her voice and found Sandra rounding the front of the Eagle. She was carrying their picnic lunch box, now covered with a bouquet of wild flowers.
“We can take these back as a thank you gift to Maya. She’ll enjoy them.”
Alan just grunted. He’d as soon find something else to talk about. “Our usual spot, Sahn?”
The woman nodded and led the way down the now well-trodden path from the landing area to the shallow, broad stream. From the looks of things, many other pilots were also bringing their significant others here. Alan knew John and Tony came here, as did Fraser and Singh. John had even spoken about rigging a drag-line off an Eagle and flying one of the quonset huts over here. There were a few places flat enough and open enough to accommodate a survival shelter down by the waterfall. With a pair of rocking chairs out front, some food, a fireplace and a bed, it would make for a very comfortable retreat. Unfortunately, most of the huts were still being used as shelters or for storage. A few more years might see different.
Sandra was at the water’s edge, slipping off shoes and
socks. She looked up and smiled,
mischief dancing in her eyes. He could
see the excited girl she must have been, full of the desire to explore the
unknown that had landed her on Alpha. Well, that hadn’t turned out exactly as anyone had planned.
Sandra could still be a mystery to him sometimes. She could become two, perhaps even three, different people. She was reticent in the presence of others, reserved to the point of being completely overlooked, but among her friends and family she was outgoing and teasing. In private, just them alone, she could be the wanton. He used to worry about this flip-flopping personality, but now he just accepted it as Sandra. Those years alone on this mudball with only John and the kids for company had left her changed. But he loved her all the same.
He walked up beside her as she balanced on one foot, one shoe on and one shoe off, strongly resisting the temptation to push her into the water. Knowing Sahn, he’d end up paying dearly for that moment of fun. Oh, well, an opportunity gone begging.
Although no one, except the alien, could drink the water safely, exposure on the skin was an acceptable risk as long as you were careful to keep your mouth closed and had no open wounds. Helena said it was a lucky break that the Alphan intolerance to whatever it was that made them sick was ‘dose related’, and most adults could tolerate limited exposures. Children were another situation altogether, and everyone was careful to make sure all the water they drank or bathed in was boiled and filtered.
Considering what to do next, Alan absently took the lunch box that was handed to him. With a grin on her face, Sandra took off, running through the shallow water, kicking up shimmering droplets that refracted a stray sunbeam into a tiny rainbow. Alan’s mild exacerbation at her flight faded as he watched the water soak her thin shorts and the lower reaches of her shirt, leaving little of her slim curves to his imagination. Kicking off his shoes and rolling up his pants legs, he followed after her in no real rush. He was enjoying the view. Sandra’s new wardrobe offered significant advantages over her old yellow-sleeved uniforms.
As soon as they became available, Sandra had taken to wearing the new fabrics that were being made from native plant fibers, as well as what was being grown from Terran cotton and flax. Alan smiled as he remembered the day not so long ago when Sandra had told him she never wanted to wear another uniform in her life. She had been making a yellow-edged beige baby blanket. Alan, though, rather liked uniforms; after almost fifteen years or wearing one sort or another, he felt odd in casual clothes. At least until they re-invented blue jeans.
The shallow stream leading away from the waterfall was
deeper on this visit, the water lapping up against the flat rocks they usually
sat on flowed a good ten or so centimeters higher than usual. He made it though the water to join Sandra
on the rocks. She was already sitting
down, the tips of her toes dipping in and out of the water. Alan took off his jacket, laying it behind
Sandra, and then sat down next to her. The cool water reached up over his ankles. 
Sometimes when they came here, Sandra was in high spirits, other times reflective. From her expression, this was going to be one of the quiet visits. They sat side by side, talking of how the settlement was doing, who was pairing off with whom, the children who were rapidly growing in number, and the latest scientific breakthroughs... but never of their families on Earth. That loss was still too painful for most. Maybe one day, Alan hoped, because how could children know where they were going if they didn’t know where they came from? He rambled on a while about the latest find by the Eagle survey teams. There was a deep canyon a thousand kilometers to the south that held promising minerals, and geological teams were eager to get exploring.
Sandra wasn’t really listening to him anymore. The first clue had been the cool hands finding their way under his shirt. Next, his belt loosened almost of its own accord and slipped off. He scooped up belt and commlock just as they fell toward the water. Before he could say anything else, Sandra slid into his lap, her damp clothes now pressed against him, her wide eyes looking up into his. He ducked his head down and kissed her, his kiss turning into a smile halfway through. He finished off properly, then took one of her hands in his.
“Sandra, will you marry me?”
Sandra pulled back and looked at him, her confusion making his smile even wider. They had been married for half a year now, or at least what passed for marriage on this planet. They had repeated vows to look after and love one another in front of friends, and that had been good enough for him. Then.
He traced the side of her face with light fingertips, watching as understanding dawned. He had first proposed to her on these rocks. And then in the Eagle on the way home. And yet again that night outside their hut. She had never actually said ‘yes’, and she didn’t now.
“Alright, Sahn, so you’re still playing hard to get? At least you aren’t saying ‘no’ this time.” Alan gently set Sandra back on the rock. He pulled his feet out of the water and pushed off the flat rock. He slipped when a bit of the ledge crumbled beneath his hand, but caught himself before he tumbled head over heels into the water. Assuming the time honored kneeling position, he reclaimed a befuddled Sandra’s hand. He attempted a serious face, but couldn’t quite stop grinning. Sandra was beginning to look very embarrassed.
“Ms. Benes, may I have the honor of your hand in marriage?”
“Alan...” She seemed unable to go further.
“The traditional answers are ‘yes’ or ‘no’, love. It’s easy.” Alan was delighted at seeing her so completely flustered. “Of course, if you say ‘no’, it is a long walk back home.” He held onto her hand as he got to his feet and pulled her up beside him. “Well?” He wanted to hear it. He wanted her to say ‘yes’.
Alan watched as Sandra bit her lower lip, then nod, a blush climbing her cheeks all the way to her bangs.
“Yes.”
His enthusiastic reply caused more than a few animals to bolt for deeper woods. Between laughter and kisses, Alan kept hold of Sandra, not letting her slip away again. He would have preferred to consummate her ‘yes’ by their waterfall, but the threatening grey clouds had finally reached them and it was starting to rain. They were halfway across the stream when Alan remembered his jacket and the lunch. Picking up Sandra and unceremoniously tossing her over his shoulder, he bolted back to scoop up the missing items, scattering the flowers on top of the box, and ran for the Eagle, Sandra protesting her bumpy ride the entire way.
Even though it was only a few hundred meters, the rain was a cold soaking drizzle by the time they reached the Eagle and laughing, they all but fell over each other getting into the warmth and safety of the Eagle.
It was work of a few minutes to peel out of their wet cloths and wrap themselves in the last dry blankets on the Eagle. They left the pod door open to enjoy the sights and sounds of the spring shower as they sipped hot drinks and ate their lunch.
Alan relaxed, a rarity even this far out from Operation Exodus. Survival at the one year mark still required a hell of a lot of work, even though no one lacked for food, shelter or clothing. The division of labor still fell more-or-less along the lines established on Alpha, with divisions within sections and each section head reporting to the Commander. Some divisions had closed, though. Deep space cartography was a dead field. Of the three Alphans who had specialized there, two became de facto meteorologists, and the third a furniture maker, his avocation turned into a vital contribution. Cribs were all in demand.
From cribs, Alan’s thoughts drifted to the children. He was glad they would grow up in the open on a planet. And while things here on Nova Alpha were far from ideal, at least they didn’t have to worry about unwanted children who went hungry, unloved or abused. At least not in this generation. The psychological screening to get onto Alpha was exceeding strict and little was unknown to the Medical Section about the inner workings of the Alphans. Alan frowned. There was one adult that they knew little about. Maya.
“Alan, if you squeeze that cup any harder, it will shatter.”
Alan looked at the cup in his hand in surprise. Sandra was right. The fingers gripping the cup were white with tension. Standing and forcing himself to relax, he handed the cup to Sandra who placed it on the table in front of her. She kept hold of hers, nursing its warmth. He walked over to the open door and looked out.
“A penny for your thoughts, Alan.”
Alan looked away from the sight of rain dripping off the shrubby bushes and trees outside the Eagle’s door. Sandra sat still, wrapped in her towel, fine-boned but no longer emaciated, wet hair tucked behind her ears, and looking much younger than she should. Her eyes, though, were dark, shadowed with vaster depths of experience than anyone her age was entitled. Chronologically, she was about thirty-one or thirty-two, about his age. She and John had lost track of time while fighting to survive on the planet, and their Eagle’s computer memory had large gaps due to the crash.
“Wondering what the Professor and Paul would have made of this planet.”
Sandra looked at him steadily. Alan cringed inwardly. She always seemed to know when he was lying. A sad look crossed Sandra’s face and she looked away. Alan berated himself. Why today of all days did he have to mention Paul?
“The Professor would have created a lab full of telescopes, writing boards and slide rules, with his roses growing by the front door, and a tea pot on the hearth.”
Alan had to smile. She was dead on.
“And Paul?” He kicked himself, but he had to ask. If Paul had survived, he most certainly wouldn’t be here now with Sandra. But Paul had been a good friend, and certainly hadn’t deserved to die due to that bastard Mentor. He just couldn’t believe Maya hadn’t known something of what her father had been up to, although that is what she insisted.
Sandra was still looking out the door. He watched her carefully, but couldn’t read her expression. Maybe he didn’t want to.
In due time, Sandra set down her cup, stood, and walked over to him. She ducked under his arm, pulling it around her shoulders. He felt the shivers shaking her thin frame. He looked down.
“Cold, love?”
“Yes.”
Alan wrapped both arms around her, draping his blanket over hers for extra warmth. “Come on.” Closing the pod hatch, and trusting the Eagle’s environmental control to dry out their clothes, he turned Sandra to the rear of the Eagle, and followed as she led the way to the bunks. He could help her get warm best by the simple expedient of skin on skin.
~~~~~~~~~~
The rain was still falling. Alan liked the hypnotic sound of it over their heads, and so must Sandra. She was resting, almost trance-like, in his arms.
“Sahn, you think they’re having a good time?”
“Hmm?”
“The kids.”
He loosened his hold as Sandra rolled over to face him. She wrapped an arm around his chest and snuggled in closer.
“I’m certain. Damon says Maya is a wonderful playmate.”
“He’d be better off learning how to play football with Fraser.” That was something the alien couldn’t do.
Sandra tipped her head up to look at him, the light from the main pod providing enough light to see her expression. She appeared less than pleased. Alan stood his ground.
“What? You don’t think that most people find her creepy?”
“Alan, what I do know is what it feels like to be left out. You know as well as I that many Alphans still look at me oddly.”
She placed a finger over his lips to quiet his gallant protest. She was right.
“And I’m human. Maya wants to feel needed, Alan. Everyone does. We need to reach out to her and make her feel a part of our community. She has so much to offer.” Sandra paused, but then added, “And you yourself have said she wasn’t the one who killed Torens.”
Damn, how did the woman know what he was really thinking? Still, there was something not right. “But...”
“And Helena agrees with me.”
“Helena?”
“Yes. If you have noticed, Maya keeps Deborah on occasion.”
“And John goes along with that? Willingly?” John was very protective when it came to the children, and especially with his tiny daughters. Alan might have his deep reservations, but, since he stood as foster-father, not father, to Damon and Rebecca, he made it his habit to defer to John.
“Yes.”
“Huh.” He hadn’t noticed that, to be honest. Even a year into colonization, there was so much work to be done that Alan spent a good portion of every workshift up in an Eagle. Even this pleasure jaunt was justified by the need to pick up some researchers the next valley over before returning home. “Do you really feel okay leaving the kids with her? It’s not just a gesture of goodwill or something stupid like that?”
“Of course it’s a goodwill gesture, and I do feel safe leaving the children in her care. Have you ever watched Maya’s face when Damon goes to her? Or seen Rebecca’s smile when Maya stops by? The children are safe with her.”
“So you trust her?” The question came out in a flatter tone of voice than Alan intended. HE hadn’t forgotten it was her crazy father that had been the death of Torens, and also of Paul, Victor and Lew. And Alan was certain that, somehow, it had been Mentor’s fault that the moon had been shuttled through time like that, destroying Alpha and leaving John and Sandra behind and as good as dead.
Sandra looked up into his eyes. Alan had the feeling she knew exactly what was on his mind, and thought him overly paranoid and silly.
“Yes, I trust her.”
Alan let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and shook his head. He didn’t have any evidence to contradict Sandra’s simple statement, but still. Watching the shadows on the ceiling, Alan listened to the falling rain as it continued to beat on the roof of the Eagle. He trusted Sandra’s judgment. He’d follow her lead, for now. But, he’d still keep a wary eye on Maya.
Enough of that. Wrapping an arm about Sandra’s warm body and pulling the blanket over them against the spring chill, he considered more pleasant concerns. They weren’t due back at the settlement until nightfall, and he knew exactly what he wanted to do until then. He rolled over to face Sandra, letting his hands roam where they would.
“How ‘bout ‘Gretchen’ if it’s a girl?”
7 October 2007
MGK