John had ordered her to stay hidden by the cave.  It had certainly sounded like an Eagle flying far overhead, but desperation could do funny things to the mind, as they had learned repeatedly.  The noise had awoken them at early dawn, and they almost tripped over one another getting to the opening of the cave.  Not seeing anything to the east, they had scrambled up the incline to the ledge above to survey more of the surrounding valley.  Up high, they saw a distant metallic glint that left no doubt that the sonic boom had been from a spacecraft, of some type.  No message came through on their commlocks, but that wasn’t really much of a surprise.  John had left immediately to reach Eagle 1 and see if any messages had been recorded by the more sensitive on-board systems. 

It sounded like an Eagle, it had been a spacecraft, but… the lack of a confirmatory message left them edgy.  They had seen and heard some very strange things on this planet.

She spent the day much as the ones before— cooking, repairing clothes, minding the camp, watching the others.  And as always, there was a certain level of concern until she knew John was back safe. With dwindling hope that the noise meant help, she waited for John’s return, or perhaps a commlock call if the metrological conditions allowed. 

The sun was almost setting before her commlock chirped.

“Sandra, it’s safe to come out.”

Her anxiety melted away.  There was a note in John’s voice she hadn’t heard in a long time.  Joy.  Her numb arm made it difficult to pick up anything, much less when she was this excited.  She stood and held out her hand and waited until he took it.  She walked to the cave mouth and headed out.

 

“We found them, Helena!”  Alan opened the channel to the back of the Rescue Eagle.  They were in the midst of a systematic search of the planet, all scanners hunting for any evidence of their lost exploratory team.  It had taken a while, but about an hour ago they had finally picked up the faint, automated distress beacon from Eagle 1, and had now narrowed things down considerably.   He looked over to Fraser and gestured for him to continue triangulating on the downed Eagle’s locator.  He was not surprised when Helena broke usual protocol and walked into the command module and crouched down between the two pilots.

“Have you made contact, Alan?”

“Not yet, but Sandra set up a recorded loop saying they made it down alright and were going to start routine surveying.  There was part of a message a week later saying they had found a cave to act as a foul-weather base and the coordinates are included.  There seem to be some more, but too faint for our computer to read right now.”

“Faint?”

“Like Kano said, there’s something in this planet’s atmosphere that interferes with transmissions.  The interstellar transmitter will probably beat it, but John’s Eagle wasn’t equipped with one.  We’ll find out if ours works if we can still reach Alpha this far into the troposphere.”   Alan hit the toggles to open a line to Alpha, smiled when Kano’s voice replied, and quickly updated him.  “…and David, send another Eagle to stay in orbit and relay for us just in case.  Next update in 10 minutes.  If we can still reach you.  Carter out.”

Alan waited for Fraser to acknowledge that Eagle 1’s coordinates had been sent to Alpha’s main Computer. He looked at Helena who was showing remarkable restraint, her face a reserved mask of professional neutrality.  Alan knew she wanted to get down on that planet as badly as he did, although for different reasons he expected. 

“Helena, head back and tell everyone to strap in.  It looks like clear sailing, but this neck of the galaxy has been a bundle of surprises, and who knows what we’ll find down there.” 

He felt Helena steady herself off the back of his seat as she stood.

“Alan, what will you tell her?”  The question was asked softly.

Alan finished adjusting the controls to start descent.  He paused a moment, then looked over his shoulder to Helena, her face impassive but her green eyes betraying deep concern.

“The truth.”

The forest was almost primeval in its density.  Huge trees towered overhead and strange multicolored flying creatures could be seen flitting among the very uppermost branches.  Scanners recorded many large, warm-blooded lifeforms moving beneath the canopy which scattered as the Eagle approached, but unfortunately not if they were herbivore or carnivore.  

Following Eagle 1’s beacon, they flew over a forest that would have covered much of Europe on old Earth.  Finally, the beacon’s tone intensified and they found a clear swath amongst the trees several hundred meters wide and several tens of kilometers long.  The huge trees along the path of devastation lay like fallen matchsticks.  It was at the distant end they found Eagle 1.  Alan whistled at the sight in front of them.  He couldn’t think of any way an Eagle could have caused this much devastation.  John must have just taken advantage of the clearing to set down.

Alan landed Eagle 4 close to Eagle 1.  Up close, he could see the bird looked like she’d been through some pretty rough times over the past six weeks, but she still looked to be in one piece.  Alan put the Eagle on standby and instructed Bill to stay inside in case a quick exit was needed.  They tried to reach Alpha and did, but the reception was suboptimal at best.  Finishing a succinct report, he quickly moved to the back where Helena, a nurse and a security guard waited.

“Helena, let’s check out John’s Eagle before finding that cave. The terminator is approaching, but we should have enough light for an hour or so.  And maybe there’s more information to be had.” 

Alan checked his hand laser to confirm it was charged and did the same to the one he handed Helena.  He trusted the security guard to look after his own.  Helena slung an emergency medical kit over her shoulder and nodded her readiness, again only her eyes betraying her worry.  Alan pressed the button to open the door.

The odors of lush and rotting vegetation flooded the Eagle.  There was a tang of ozone as if a thunderstorm had just passed.  And a distinct odor of… animal musk?  Smiles were exchanged among the Alphans, who then to a person became wide-eyed as an all-too-close piercing shriek rang out from above. 

Laser drawn, the guard tentatively looked outside. “Mr. Carter, do we wait for reinforcements?” Alan and Helena exchanged glances.  No, they would continue. 

“Come on, mate.  But keep your eyes open.” 

Finding all now clear, they moved quickly and cautiously to cross the twenty meters to Eagle 1, Alan and the guard keeping Helena between them.  Alan kept a sharp eye out for anything unexpected, but still spared a glance at the abundant, dense plant growth climbing up around the landing pods.  Plants must grow quickly hereabouts.  Still being alert to an attack, Alan took his commlock off and aimed it at the pod door.  It opened slowly.

A fast-moving, large, dark shadow blotted out the sun and the three Alphans darted inside the partially open door, Helena slapping the emergency close panel just inside Eagle 1’s door.

“What was that?”  Helena asked wide-eyed as all three commlocks chirped.

“You okay?” came Fraser’s voice threefold. “That was one hell of a large… well, I guess it was a bird. It’s gone now.”

“We’re fine.  Arm the upper laser just in case, Bill.  We’ll be in touch as soon as we check the Eagle out.”  Alan signed off and did a quick look-see around the Eagle, and a more careful examination of the command module.  No-- nothing of any help.  He then joined Helena by the computer bank.  She seemed to have already forgotten about the planetary threats in her search for more information. 

“Alan, the records are confusing.  Like you found earlier, there seems to be quite a few entries early on covering what must be the first few days, but then the records became fewer and shorter.  And except for the second one, they’re audio only.”

She skipped the first file, which as Alan had said was of Sandra stating they had landed safely and were proceeding as planned.  The next was a visual file.  It was John Koenig sitting in the same chair Helena was now.  Through the open door behind him an open plain was seen that did not match the current location.  The record was time stamped two days after Alpha had lost contact with the team.

“We have run into additional difficulties with unusual atmospheric conditions, the same kind that started almost as soon as we landed.  Storms will blow up with almost no warning and the lightening and hail, along with the wind shears, are fierce.  We’ve been unable to contact Alpha and the on-board computer is giving very erratic read-outs on the flight readiness of the Eagle.  And after that rough landing yesterday, I am hesitant to trust the space worthiness of the Eagle without better data.  Lew is out trying to ascertain the availability of minerals and Sandra is trying to jerry-rig something to help us reach Alpha.   

“I will admit to being surprised that Victor has not sent out a rescue mission, but perhaps the same interference that is keeping us from reaching Alpha is keeping them from finding us.  We will continue our efforts to reach home.”

Helena looked at Alan.  They knew why that rescue party was never sent.   

“What else is there, Helena?”

“This is dated three days later.”  Helena called up the next file.  The visual images had degraded beyond recognition, but the audio was clear. 

“The weather is continuing to deteriorate.  Scans show higher, protected ground about three hundred kilometers west of here with a cave system that may provide additional shelter from the environment.  There are large predators here and they have become too interested in us.  We will relocate there as soon as Lew returns.

“Of note, I have overhauled the Eagle and confirmed we cannot attempt to leave the atmosphere.  Even with the three of us in pressure suits, I simply don’t think we would make it to Alpha.  If she’s still there.”

Helena advanced the files again, searching for more information.  “The next few messages will need work to clean up.  But here’s one more.”  The audio was scratchy, but even so, John’s voice sounded harsh with fatigue.

“We have now been here six weeks and must conclude Alpha is unable to send help.  We have relocated to a more sheltered location and have set up a more or less permanent camp.  We have become more familiar with the planet.  The large animals are thankfully few and far between and have learned to avoid our lasers.  The large flying birds are harmless, we believe.  Once their curiosity has been satisfied they have ignored us and we them.  The smaller animals can be caught and eaten.  Once thoroughly cooked, they are even palatable.  We have also discovered that while the vegetation does appear to be edible, it doesn’t seem to agree with Lew.  Computer has suggested an incompatible enzyme is at fault and we will be cooking and boiling everything thoroughly from now on.  

“Lew is holding up okay, but Sandra has become very discouraged.  I’m worried she may be ill and is trying to hide it from us.  In any case, there is little we can do but try to continue to survive and hope for the best.”

Helena searched again, but then sat back and shook her head. She ran her hand through her blond hair in a familiar gesture of frustration.  “That’s it, Alan.  There are more files, but I can’t get to them.  Maybe back on Alpha.”

Alan rubbed the back of his hand along his jaw line and answered slowly.  “Alright, the birds are big but not a threat.  The large animals are scared of our lasers.  I say we head toward the caves with our eyes open.  If they saw us land, I bet they’re trying to get back here, so we’ll split into two teams.  Helena and I can make good time heading toward the cave’s coordinates.   Kyle, I want you here with Bill and Gloria.”  Alan could tell the security guard was not pleased with this plan, but he didn’t care.  If they found John and the others, Helena would appreciate a few minutes alone with John, and he needed time with Sandra.   “Let’s move.” 

The large ‘bird’ made another appearance, but as John had said, it didn’t do anything more than look at them. And shriek again.  They made it to Eagle 4, updated the others and then Alan and Helena prepared to head out.  Bill expressed his reservations, loudly, but had to agree Alan was the better outdoorsman, and one of them had to stay with the Eagle.  At Bill’s insistence, Alan did take the laser gun and accepted a ninety minute search window before heading back if audio transmissions failed.

The coordinates to the cave were clear even if the woods were not.  It took some effort to stay on course, but Alan’s orienteering skills paid off.  Eventually, a path of sorts became clear and it did have the feel of being man made.  Alan even thought he caught the hint of boot marks in the leaf litter, but he wasn’t that good of a tracker.  After twenty minutes, Alan’s commlock chirped.  Expecting to see Bill, he was momentarily struck dumb in his joy and relief at seeing John’s face instead.  Helena crowded behind him to see for herself, and Alan politely ignored her tears.  It was a matter of minutes until they found one another in a small clearing, and Helena gave up any further attempts at propriety, dropping her med kit, and simply running into John’s outstretched arms.

Alan was delighted to see John looking so good, although he was very thin and the facial hair more pronounced than he expected.  Things must have been really rough.  His uniform was just short of being rag-status.  He nodded toward his Commander and then turned to give the two of them some privacy as he walked in the direction John had indicated for Sandra and Lew.  The rough pathway led further away from the Eagle and some distance into the woods until it became lost in the underbrush.  It took a few more moments, but then he saw motion through the brush.  He walked in that direction and again felt a flood of relief to see Sandra moving toward him through the thick foliage.  She pushed the large fronds out of her way as she made it to the small clearing and stepped into the dappled and fading sunlight.  Alan stopped dead. 

She was thin, no, she was beyond merely thin, and her hair fell well below her shoulders.  Her cloths were almost as threadbare as John’s, the yellow of her sleeve all but faded to the same dirty beige as the rest of her uniform.  She stopped in front of him some three or four meters away, and Alan thought she was looking past him to where John and Helena were, their voices still audible if not the individual words.  Sandra’s expression was strangely mixed… obvious relief, and apprehension?  Alan walked up to her, but stopped when she stepped back from him.  Her eyes were dark, dilated in trepidation and uncertainty.  This was not the Sandra he remembered.  A noise caused him to look at the very small bundle she held in the crook of her right arm.  With amazement, it took a moment to register on him what she held.  A child.  A very small baby.

“Mommy?”

Sandra smiled a small, tentative smile at Alan and took another step back toward the woods and held out a hand.

“You can come out, Damon.  These are friends.  From Alpha.”

Her voice, at least, was the same.  With difficulty, Alan tore his eyes off the infant and watched as a thin but sturdily built brown-haired, round-faced boy slipped silently out of the woods.  He walked over to Sandra without making a sound and took her hand.  He kept to her shadow, but there was so little to Sandra that Alan had no trouble seeing the lad.  He was wearing a tunic cut down from what appeared to be an old Alphan top belted with braided lengths of a red sleeve.   Very slowly, Alan went down on one knee and looked at the boy.  He certainly didn’t take after John or Lew all that much, that was certain.

“Hello, there.  I’m Alan, who are you?”

The boy looked at Sandra who nodded encouragement.  She put her hand on the boy’s back and nudged him forward.  The boy, maybe three or four years old thought Alan, darted a look to his mum and then took two hesitant steps toward Alan.  

“Damon.”

“Well, hello there, Damon.”

The boy stared at Alan, but then lost his courage and ran back to hide behind his mother.  Alan stood slowly, again trying not to frighten the boy.  Or Sandra. 

“He’s a handsome lad, Sahn.  May I?”  Alan gestured to the baby in her arms.  Sandra stepped toward him and folded back the remnants of a worn and faded Eagle blanket.  The infant was very pale with dark, thin hair.  The dark, almond-shaped eyes were tired and the small body didn’t seem to move about that much.

“Her name is Rebecca.”

“A very pretty name.  Come on, why don’t we have Helena take a look at her. At them.”  Without thinking, Alan moved to put an arm around Sandra, but she startled and took a few clumsy steps backwards, almost tripping over Damon.  Alan froze at the look of alarm on Sandra’s face.  

Damn. 

As impossible as it seemed, they had to have been down here for years for her to have the kids and be so skittish around him.  Him of all people.  He carefully wiped any surprise off his face and made sure he had his usual easy-going smile firmly in place.  Gesturing for them to follow, he turned and led the way, listening to make sure they followed.  Unseen by Sandra or the boy, the smile slipped away, replaced by concern and worry.

Helena was in for a shock, that was for certain, but Alan trusted her medical instincts would kick in when she saw Sandra and the kids.  Little Rebecca did not look good to him, not at all.  He wondered if John would have told her by now.  And where the hell was Lew Picard?   

She was so very warm and alive in his arms, and just as beautiful as the last time he had seen her.  John buried his hands in her golden hair and kissed her again and again.  He wasn’t sure if the tears on his face were hers or his.  He didn’t care.  He’d given up ever seeing her… any of them… ever again.  He’d resigned himself to living out whatever life was left to him here on this planet, and then dying here.  The ironic thing was, the planet was a viable choice for colonization.  If there had been a colony, and not just the three of them who’d been stranded.  Now, maybe they stood a chance. 

Her face still wet with tears, Helena reached up and ran her hand along his graying beard and hollowed cheeks and looked at his face critically.  “How long has it been?” 

John gave her a funny look, beginning to put things together.  That Helena and Alan looked unchanged from his memory.  That both had seemed surprised at his appearance.  “Four years.”

Helena inhaled sharply, shaking her head in disbelief.  “It’s been only six weeks for us.”

John felt stunned.  How??  Why??   He gathered her tightly against him, running his hands up and down her back.  “Then how the hell did you find us?”  he whispered harshly in her ear.

“We never really left.  We were pulled forward in time and then, well, pushed back again.”

Helena’s voice was muffled against his chest, but dearly beloved for all that.  John felt her inhale deeply and then push herself back ever so slightly to look him in the face.

“John, we’ve lost a lot of people.”

He watched as Helena’s joy melted into grief.  John pulled her close, leading her over to a convenient rock where they sat together, her leg pressed closely against his, his arm around her.  He held her against his chest and let her cry, knowing there was more bad news to come, but still simply reveling in her presence.  Knowing Helena, she hadn’t let herself grieve.  She would have stayed strong for the others. 

“Who?”

“John, Victor is gone.” 

John stiffened… Victor, dead? 

“Alpha was attacked from the planet that— pulled us forward.  We took a lot of damage.  Victor and Paul pulled us through, but… but after we lost Paul and Main Mission, Victor’s health declined rapidly.”

“We lost Paul, also?”  John was becoming numb.  In his mind, Alpha had always stayed as he’d last seen her. 

Helena nodded.  “Victor died in his sleep of a massive stroke.”

“And Paul?”

Suddenly, there was a peel of laughter coming from the direction Alan had left.  Childish laughter.  John took Helena’s face gently and turned it up to his.

“Helena…” 

Helena’s tears stopped abruptly and she pushed herself upright, standing to face the newcomers.  John saw her expressions run the gamut of shock, amazement, disbelief, and then a flicker of betrayal before her professional mask was pulled firmly in place. 

“Daddy!  Look who mommy and I found!”  Damon ran past Helena and jumped into John’s arms.  “His name is Alan and he’s from Alpha.” 

John hugged the little boy and smiled at him.  “What do you know?  I found someone, too.  Her name is Dr. Russell.”

Damon twisted around to look at Helena.  He gave her a frankly apprising look from the safety of his father’s arms.  “Hello.”

“Hello.”  Helena smiled at the little boy, her hand coming up but not quite reaching out toward the child.  She looked carefully and her expression became questioning.  Keeping her voice gentle she asked, “How old are you?” 

The boy chose at that moment to become shy and bury his head in John’s neck.

“Damon’s about four years old by this planet, a little under four Terran years.” 

Helena’s expression became one of compassion. “Paul’s?” she asked softly.  John nodded.  They both turned toward Alan’s voice calling Damon’s name.  Damon lifted his head and grinned in Alan’s direction. 

“Alan seems to have made a friend.”  Helena said quietly as she reached out the rest of the way to run a hand over the boy’s unruly hair. 

Alan walked into the clearing, followed by Sandra.  John could see Helena’s alarm at Sandra’s physical condition as she immediately walked toward the arriving pair, only to be again brought to a standstill by the thin cry of an infant. He watched as Helena looked quickly to the child in Sandra’s arms and then check herself before turning back toward him.  Recovering her poise, Helena finished walking the distance needed to bring her close to the emaciated woman.

“Sandra, may I?”

Helena gestured toward the baby.  Sandra nodded and held Rebecca out for Helena to take.  She did so, and John could see her posture change and soften as she held the tiny infant who John well knew was dying.  He looked at Sandra and exchanged a look of resignation.

“John, we need to get back to the Rescue Eagle immediately.  Do we wait for Lew?” 

“Lew’s dead, Helena. He died about three months after we landed.”  It was Helena’s turn to feel the sting of an unanticipated death.  And then realize that there could be no question of the paternity this time.

Surprised, Alan stared at John.  Lew’s death was obviously news to him, too.  John looked at Sandra and the baby Helena held.  They had survivors to care for. “Alright then, let’s get going.  Alan, how far off is the Eagle?”

“About a kilometer west of here, beside Eagle 1.  Can you make it?”  Alan asked turning to look at Sandra with obvious concern.

“Yes.” 

The flight back was solemn, for all they had found survivors.  Helena was preoccupied with the two children while the nurse checked over John and Sandra.  John took the few minutes to greet Bill Fraser again in the command module, but then left Alan and Bill to get them home.  He sat next to Sandra to offer moral support, but refrained from touching her as he almost did out of long habit.  After his exam, Damon climbed into Sandra’s lap and leaned against her chest, his round, healthy face a stark contrast to Sandra’s gaunt one.  In the presence of all these strangers, the little boy reached out and took hold of John’s hand for even more reassurance.  John knew the four of them were the source of much speculation from the nurse and security guard, but that was inevitable, and the two Alphans said nothing. 

He leaned over a little.  “Sandra?”  He hesitated to raise false hope, but could tell Sandra was thinking the same things he was as she watched Helena examine and run tests.  Maybe Rebecca now had a chance.

“I am alright.  Do you think she will be able to help?”

“If anyone can, it’s Helena.” 

Sandra cast a small, wry look at John, the irony of the situation not lost on her.  Helena was the only hope for John’s child by another woman.  A woman he had lived with for years longer than the doctor herself. A very awkward position, to be sure. Extenuating circumstances not excluded. 

“Yes, Commander.” 

John looked surprised.  She hadn’t called him that in years.  But, well…they shared another look, and John nodded.  Yes, that was probably for the best. 

Stretching out his long legs, so tired even the uncomfortable Eagle seats could not keep him awake, John dozed on the six hour flight back to Alpha.  As deeply exhausted as he was, he still was aware when Helena came close and covered him with a blanket.  Damon quickly became comfortable with his new surroundings and was too excited to sleep.  John was dimly aware of him flitting about the Eagle in the care of the nurse.  At one point, Alan took the little boy up front and that cut the energy level down in the pod dramatically and John was able to get some true sleep. 

He awoke to Helena’s light touch on his arm as she sat in the seat where Sandra had recently been.  “John, we’re almost there.  Have you told Sandra yet about Paul?  Alan said he didn’t get the chance.”

He looked around and found Sandra in the rear of the Eagle, seated but turned partially away from the others so she could nurse Rebecca with some privacy.  Alan was next to her, solemnly watching John for the answer.  John shook his head no and saw Alan grimace, but then nod and turn back to Sandra. 

John wondered why Sandra had not asked about Paul.  Helena watched the two in the back and without even looking at him answered his unasked question.

“I think she’s been afraid to ask.  She’s spoken very little, even though she stayed awake as you slept.”  Helena turned to him, her expression neutral, but the pain apparent in her wide, green eyes.  “Will you be staying with her on Alpha?”

The question was asked simply and took John by surprise.  He reached out to take her hand and raise it to his lips.  He answered as simply.

“No.  And before you ask, yes, she knows that.”    

Sandra’s quiet gasp and the tears that followed told everyone Alan had broken the news.  In the small space, everyone found some reason to turn away and allow Alan to offer what comfort he could. 

The Eagle landed shortly after that.

 

“Sandra, I want to check you and the children over more carefully in Medical.”

“Of course, Dr. Russell.”

With a smile, Helena held her hand out to Damon and watched as Sandra collected the clean blanket given to wrap Rebecca in.   She had asked Alan to make sure Tony cleared any crowds at the disembarkation area, as happy as everyone would be to reclaim lost friends.  That was the last thing Sandra or John needed right now.  And Helena suspected John was going to be surprised to find himself overwhelmed by crowds, for a little while at least.  Tony, David and Bob would be crowd enough.

Sandra followed Helena out of the Eagle.  That she carefully did not look at John was lost to neither of them.  Helena paused to let Sandra catch up and walk at her side, the little boy between them. “It’s still Helena, Sandra.  There’s no need to be so formal.” 

Sandra looked at her and actually smiled a little. “Helena.”

Ahead of them, John was already deep in conversation with his new deputy, and Tony Verdeschi looked set on proving his competence as quickly as possible.  Alan followed by a few paces and watched as John slid back into his role as Commander.  Helena had no doubt Alan would be glad to relinquish that position.  With John already discussing an Operation Exodus, she knew she’d have to get her two cents in quickly.

“John,” she waited until the men had stopped and she had their attention.  “Please come to Medical Center as soon as you are able.  Today.  You need a complete examination, and I can give you any updates then.” 

He looked at the baby and then at her and nodded.  He understood.  There was an almost overwhelming amount of work ahead of them, and tonight would be soon enough for time alone themselves.  As John headed away with Tony, Alan paused and turned around to face the women.  

“Gotta go officially relinquish the reins.”  He grinned at Sandra, “I’ll bring some food to your quarters at dinnertime.  No need to face the inquisitive masses tonight.”  And without waiting for an answer, he turned and strode away to catch up with the others waiting at the travel tube. 

Helena looked at Sandra and smiled, not letting the woman see her deep concern.  “Alan never changes.” 

They walked the rest of the way to Medical Center in silence, Helena’s calm authority and neutral expression keeping interruptions to a minimum.

Sandra was almost in tears.  Exhausted from the day’s events, the Eagle trip up, the almost overwhelming sense of being enclosed, and now these endless well-meaning questions from Helena and Dr. Mathias…it was all just about too much.   Still, she tried to cooperate.  It was easier than thinking of Paul. 

Helena was examining the extensive scaring above and along her left shoulder.  “And you’ve been coping with the damage in your arm…” she looked the question to Sandra.

“For almost two years.  I fell off a ridge and landed on some jagged rocks.  The arm was dislocated and the gash became infected.  The Commander was able to get it back in place, but the nerves must have been damaged.”  Sandra unconsciously rubbed her left arm as she described the injury.  “The numbness wraps around my arm down to my hand.  It’s made it hard to hold things, but I’ve managed.”

“And amazing well, Sandra.  Since you’ve kept using it, there’s no evidence of muscle wasting.  Well, we have something that may help.”   Helena nodded encouragingly to her as Bob stepped up with more questions.  

“How soon after you landed was Damon born?”

“About thirty-two weeks.”

“Hmm…” Dr. Mathias was obviously doing some quick calculations and glanced at Helena with a nod.  “That matches, Helena.”  He turned back to her.

“Sandra, there was an unexplained failure among the contraceptives distributed three and a half months ago.  We have fourteen women pregnant now; you would have made the fifteenth.”  

Sandra nodded to acknowledge Dr. Mathias’ information.  Well, that explained that, at least. 

“Sandra, how many times have you been pregnant?” 

She turned back to look at Helena to answer her question.

“Four.  Damon.  Caitlyn was born a year later and died when she was a month old.  Later, I miscarried a child in the second trimester.  A boy.  And Rebecca was born four months ago.”

Sandra wondered at the odd expression on Helena’s face.  A sad look.

“No, Sandra.  Five times.  Your bloodwork shows you were just pregnant within the last month.”

“Ah, that explains the…”

It suddenly became all too much.  The noise, the smells, the knowledge she had lost another child.  Her vision grayed and the world swam in front of her eyes.   She passed out. 

She slept through the announcement that Operation Exodus was now underway.

Operation Exodus, day -10

“… … like you and the children, she is malnourished.  Unlike them and you, she is dreadfully anemic.  She has about half the blood level she should.  No doubt the repeated miscarriages haven’t helped.  John, I know your circumstances were, well, difficult, but you could have…”

Sandra heard the accusation in the doctor’s quiet voice and did not want John, no… the Commander, to take all the blame.  Even if it did place her at odds with the blond woman in front of her.  She fought the remaining way back to lucidness.  The chronometer showed two hours had passed. 

“Dr. Russell… Helena, it was my choice as much as his.”  She sat up slowly, the world still a bit wobbly,  and stoically faced the other woman. 

“It was very, very lonely on that planet.  You can’t imagine how lonely.  Especially after Lew died.  We had no reason to believe Alpha would ever return.  I am as much at fault, if there is any fault, as he is.”   Sandra closed her eyes and looked at no one.  She accepted her actions on the planet, and would take responsibility for them.

“How are the children?”  She opened her eyes again and was relieved to find the world no longer spinning.

“Damon’s in pretty good shape.”  Helena smiled gently at Sandra, pointing to the small cot next to the wall where the boy was sleeping..  “A regular diet and he should be on a growth curve to match his father’s height.”

Sandra smiled back, pleased.  “And Rebecca?”

She saw Helena exchange a look with the Commander. 

“Rebecca is very small for her age.  Too small.  She has severe nutritional deficiencies, including a lack of iodine that has affected her thyroid.  And that has caused problems throughout her body.” 

Sandra shot a panicked look at John who unconsciously moved to stand next to her.  Helena’s face became neutral at that exchange, but she continued professionally.

“On Earth, we saw this rarely anymore.  And I am not sure how much of… the damage… can be reversed.”

“Helena, can you try at least?”  John asked softy.  

Sandra watched Helena tilt her head, a slightly hurt expression on her face as she regarded John, as if that were ever in doubt.  “Of course.”

Sandra wrapped her arms about herself as Helena returned to Rebecca’s makeshift bassinette.   John, the Commander she reminded herself firmly, placed a light hand on her shoulder and then returned to Helena’s side briefly before leaving.  Sandra sat quietly on the side of the exam bed and simply watched the people about her. 

The lights, noises and scents of Alpha brought back a flood of memories.  And a strong sense of unreality.  She felt as if she would wake up any moment from a fever haze and be back on the planet.  That had happened on more than one occasion.  A nurse walked up with an IV tray and gestured to her left arm, the numb one.

“Sandra, Dr.Russell wants to transfuse blood and a few other things to help you feel better.  I promise, I’m good and it won’t hurt that much.”

Sandra nodded.  She wouldn’t feel anything.  Just like she hadn’t felt it when all the blood samples had been drawn earlier.  She laid back down and closed her eyes.  Sleep came quickly.

Helena and John arrived at his quarters almost simultaneously, John already looking more like The Commander and less like the disheveled, abandoned survivor rescued less than twenty-four hours earlier.

She had given him a thorough going over in Medical Center and had been pleased to find no permanent damage.  He was significantly underweight, but the best off of the survivors excepting Damon.  She rather suspected Sandra had been shorting herself for the boy’s sake.  There were new scars along his back and on his right calf, but they had healed cleanly.  Truth be told, he was in pretty good shape. 

The door closed behind them.  She stayed by the entrance and watched as he crossed the room.  All day, all she could think of was being alone with him.  And now that she was, all she could do was stand there and look at him, her heart beating heavily in her chest.  Her emotions were almost overwhelming...  joy, anger, relief, betrayal, worry for herself and them.  What the hell had happened down on that planet for John and Sandra to… do what they had?

She watched him stand in the room and slowly turn around looking at everything but her.  She had to remember it had been four years for him.  A lot can happen in four years.  You can mourn your dead.  Move on.  Even fall in love.  He had done it once before.  As had she.

“John…”

“Helena…”

They stopped and looked at the other, conversation at a standstill.

Breaking eye contact, she walked over the sofa and sat down, trying to organize her thoughts instead of lashing out in confusion.   She took a deep breath to calm herself and then looked back up to see his dearly beloved and haggard face watching her closely.  He looked away.  Embarrassed?

“You must have delivered Damon.  How did it go?”

“Messily.”  They made brief eye contact and she saw a small, rueful grimace on his face.  He walked over pulling a chair behind him and sat down, their knees only centimeters apart.  Close, so very close, yet worlds apart.  She looked at her hands held tightly in her lap; she twisted her small pinkie ring absently.

“She was terrified.  So was I.  We were just lucky there were no problems, and that we each knew our first aid.  Damon was born without me doing much more than catching him and helping clean up.”

Helena nodded.  “When did she realize she was pregnant?”

John shook his head, again grimacing.  “Probably a lot sooner than she told us.”  He ran a hand through his shaggy, graying hair.  “I was furious with her for coming on the mission in that condition.  I’m afraid I took out a fair amount of anger and frustration on her when she did tell us.”

Helena looked at him alarmed.  He had never even so much as raised a hand to her.

John saw her expression and shook his head reassuringly.  “I’m told I tend to shout when I lose my temper.”  He grinned at her, but only for a moment.

“She couldn’t have known, John.  We only realized the contraceptives were faulty four weeks ago.  Routine pregnancy tests haven’t been needed up to now.”

“I know.”

He stood and started pacing.  “We were in a bad situation, Helena.  By the time Lew died after three months being down there, we’d given up hope of rescue.  We’d searched out the region as best we could with a damaged Eagle, and the caves turned out to be our best option.   I focused on doing what was necessary to make our shelter more defensible and stock food.  We could tell winter was coming.  We learned the hard way we had to cook or boil everything, even the water.   Helena, to be honest, I didn’t think we would make it that first year.”

Helena appreciated that the admission had cost him dearly.  John never gave up.  

“Damon was born about four months after Lew’s death.”

John walked over to the viewport and looked out.  “You run out of things to say when it’s just the two of you, and you expect to die.”

John returned to the chair and sat back down and faced her. “Helena, I didn’t touch her until over a year had passed.”

When she didn’t say anything, he picked up her passive hand and rubbed it against his bewhiskered cheek. 

“When spring came, we realized we might be able to survive.  We hunted and gathered and learned the environment.  It’s a good planet, Helena.”

“And?  She’s fifteen years younger than you, John.”

John released her hand and she placed it back in her lap. 

“Thirteen.  I became ill.  I’d explored a cave that was covered with some sort of… fungus I guess it was.  I coughed up blood and had problems catching my breath.  Probably a pneumonia of some sort.  Things got worse and worse until I went out of my head with fever.  I thought I was back on Alpha, that you were with me.’”  He took a deep breath.  “I almost didn’t make it.  And it was almost worse to recover.” 

“Sandra took care of me.  She did what she could to keep me drinking enough water and keep from hurting myself. 

“When the fever broke, she finally started calling me by my first name.  We became more friends than co-workers.  When the nights became cold again, we shared a bed for warmth.  Helena, we had no reason to believe we’d ever see Alpha again.”  His intense blue eyes pleaded for understanding.  “One night, a large predator almost got past the fire at the cave entrance.  We drove it off, but not before it got in a few good swipes with its claws.  Sandra cleaned the cuts on my back, and, well...” 

Helena could well imagine the rest.  The exhilaration of surviving, the relief at not being left alone.  If it had been her and Paul, would she have done any different?  She reached out a hand and lightly touched his face.

“And after she lost the first child, and miscarried the second?  She could have died very easily.”

John covered her hand with his.  “I know.  There’s no excuse.  As the years passed, Sandra withdrew into herself.  Being… together became one of the few ways to reach out to each other.

“Helena…” 

He reached out with his free hand and pulled her into his arms.   She studied his face, and then nodded slightly.  He had come back to her; she could live with the past.  She leaned toward him and they shared a long kiss.  She smiled at the relief on his face as he stood, gently pulling her up with him, and led her to the bed. 

Nothing more was said, or needed to be said.  They needed to reassure each other and knew how.  Kissing quickly progressed to undressing, and touching and caressing to making love.  Helena completely lost herself in the indescribable joy of having him back in her arms.  She ran her hands up and down along John’s ribs feeling the hollow between each one.  He needed rest, food and time to recover fully.  But he was here and he was alive. 

He leaned over and nuzzled into her neck, his prickly beard causing her to flinch involuntarily.  He pulled his head up and grinned at her. “Come on, Helena, join me.”  He stood up from the bed and held a hand out to her. 

They spoke of safe inconsequentialities as they showered, and Helena again ran hands over the thick corded scars on his back.  He helped dry her, and it became one of the most incredibly sensual experiences of her life.  She could read his love for her in every touch.  Afterwards, a towel fastened around her, she silently leaned against the countertop and watched him shave, thankful again for the opportunity to do so. 

Finished, John looked critically in the mirror. “Doesn’t look like me.” 

She ran her fingertips along his smooth jaw, watching the shiver it produced and smiling.  “I think it looks just like you.”

She walked into his arms and kissed him again.  He pulled off the towel and picked her up and carried her back to bed.  They made love again, but now slowly, with the knowledge of what the other liked and fulfilling those expectations completely.  At peace, they then lay in each other’s arms and John ran gentle, weather-roughened hands over her back.

“How’s Rebecca?”

Helena sighed and tucked herself as physically close as she could get to him.  “Like I said earlier, the worst is that she is severely hypothyroid.  My guess is that Sandra is so very malnourished that her body simply couldn’t provide enough iodine.  I’ve started replacing the missing hormones, and fixing other deficiencies, but only time will tell, John.  I hope we caught everything in time, but…” she shrugged.

“And Sandra?”

“Starving, anemic, depressed.  I’m amazed she’s alive, actually.  Those serial pregnancies did almost kill her.  John…”

“I love you, Helena.”  John rolled over partially on top of her and silenced her with a kiss.  He might have said and done more, but sheer exhaustion overtook him and he slept, head pillowed on her chest.  She could tell from his breathing that he was completely relaxed, perhaps even for the first time in years.   She found herself unable to let sleep take her away from him, even temporarily.  They had lost six weeks…four years?... together.  She shuddered.  It could so easily have been forty years, or four-hundred, and John lost to her forever.

Her fingers traced light patterns over his skin.  Just to run her hands over his bare flesh was magical and something to treasure.  Eventually, after he rolled off her onto his back; she curled up next to him.  They still had much to talk about, but it would wait.  She did wish, though, she could have shared the news he had interrupted.  She considered how to tell him as she ran fingers through his graying hair, hair that had been all-black six weeks ago.  Well, how might be uncertain; but when would be first thing in the morning. 

For now, she took his hand and laid it protectively over her abdomen, and finally fell asleep. 

Sandra and Damon made their way back to her old quarters.  It was late, well into night shift, but Sandra had wanted out of Medical Center.  Helena had not left any orders preventing her from leaving, although Sandra rather suspected that was because she’d been expected to sleep the night through.  She was not happy about having to leave Rebecca behind, but the infant still needed more medical care than she could give right now.  Dr. Vincent had tried to convince her to stay for another round of synthblood transfusions, but Sandra had argued that she had been anemic for a long time, that one more night would not matter, and that she really wanted a hot shower and to feel clean again.  And that it wouldn’t be a wise idea to check with Helena just then.  Even Ben had to agree with the last.

Sandra took a few wrong turns, but Alpha’s layout was quickly returning to memory.  The little boy was the source of many curious looks, but very few people did more than give a quiet ‘welcome home’.  Someone, probably Alan, must have put out the word.  They finally made it back and her new commlock opened the door.  Damon walked in and looked around curiously.

“Mommy, are we staying here?  Where’s Daddy?”

Sandra looked at her son.  Her small, smelly son.  “Baths first, questions later, I believe.”  She led the way to the bathroom and shortly had a much cleaner child in front of her.  Clothes were a problem, but Sue Crawford had stepped up and loaned an outfit she had made for when Jackie was older.  Sandra called up an archived nature program that quickly had Damon mesmerized looking at all the Terran animals, and she returned to the bathroom for her first hot shower in uncountable months. 

When she finally stepped out of the shower, she dressed in her old cotton pajamas and toweled her long hair dry.  Refreshed, she walked out of the bathroom only to stop short, surprised to see Alan stretched out on the floor next to Damon trying to explain the differences between cats and dogs.  And by the smells coming from the sofa table, he had kept his word and brought dinner.  How in the world had he found out she had left Medical Center at such a late hour?  Ben?

“Hungry, Sahn?  Damon here finished his first dinner and is looking for seconds.”  The object of discussion was nodding his head vigorously. 

“I like the straw…berries.”  He looked at Alan who nodded agreement. 

Sandra looked at what the tray held and found a selection of fruits, vegetables and even a fish curry.   She was hungry, but overwhelmed at the selection in front of her.  Recalling Helena’s injunction to eat lightly for several days, she chose the rolls and peanut butter with a selection of fresh, raw vegetables.  It had been a long time since she dared eat anything uncooked.  She passed the remaining strawberries to Damon.  

“Thank you, Alan.  This was very kind.”  She sat on the sofa where Damon quickly joined her.  She put an arm around the boy and pulled him close as he happily munched on the fresh berries. 

“No problem.”  Still on the floor, Alan leaned against the chair opposite the sofa and stretched out his legs.  He became more serious as he brought Sandra up to date.  “John has officially called for Operation Exodus.  The fact that you all survived for four years…” Alan shook his head in apparent disbelief of the time gap… “is good news.  He says other sections of the planet may make for a better settlement site, though, so David has Computer running long range surveys and two more Eagles are en route back to check things out.”

Sandra looked alarmed and stopped eating in mid-bite. “What is to prevent happening to them what happened to us?”

Alan shook his head.  “It won’t happen again, trust me on that.  I’ll fill you in later.”  He gave a meaningful glance at the curious little boy watching the grown-ups attentively.

Sandra nodded.   They shared more small talk as Damon grew tired and finally fell asleep leaning against Sandra, who found herself yawning also.

“He’s a great kid, Sahn.  Paul would’ve been proud.” 

Sandra smiled sadly as she ran a hand down her son’s clean, brown hair, refusing to allow herself to cry.  “Yes.”

Sandra watched Alan stand, expecting him to take his leave, and was surprised when he picked up the boy and carried him around the room divider and tucked him into bed.  She was even more surprised when Alan fetched a spare blanket and pillow that he had obviously brought with him and left near the door, and put them on the sofa next to her. 

“Why don’t you go to bed, Sandra.  I’ll stay in case the boy needs anything.”

“Alan, you do not need to stay.”

“I know.”  He held out a hand to help her up.   “But I’ll rest better here.  Really.  Go get some sleep.” 

Sandra watched as Alan spread out the blanket and kicked off his shoes.  He put his commlock within easy reach on the table and stretched out on the sofa.  To her surprise, he really meant it.   

“Good night, Sahn.” 

He waited until she had climbed into bed next to Damon, and then turned out the lights. 

Operation Exodus, day -9

“John, I don’t like it.  I’m just not so sure it’s a good idea to plant ourselves on a planet we know… we know…will be blown to bits by a madman. Even if it is ten thousand years in the future.” Alan paced around John’s new, tiny office off the Command Center.  He was due to shift another load in the very near future, but wanted to get his say in now. 

“Alan, you know as well as I do that Alpha is in only fair shape.  We might be able to patch her back together again, or we may not.  We do know that planet can support us.”  John stayed seated in his large chair, his expression resolute.

Alan looked at the Commander.  He had shaved and was back in his proper uniform, but still looked like he’d been raked over the coals. 

“Yeah, and you and Sahn came back looking like hell.”

John kept a steady gaze on Alan.  Helena had filled him in on how Alan had held this place together.  He wouldn’t have done things the same way, but that didn’t matter.  Alan had done the job and done it well. 

“There were only the two of us for most of that time, not counting the children.  And we started with next to nothing.  AND we were just coming out of planetary winter when you found us and had eaten our supplies down to almost nothing. 

“We’ll go back almost 280 strong and with resources and the knowledge,” John tapped his temple, “of how to avoid the worst dangers.  We’ll make it all right.  Maybe our descendents do die out down there, or maybe they get off.  But we’re buying them the time we don’t have here on this rock.

“Go shift another load, Alan.”  He stood and walked over to Alan, who was still unconvinced, but would follow orders.  “How’s Sandra?”

Alan shrugged.  “She slept last night, but tossed and turned a lot.  She asked about Paul, but I promised her I’d fill her in later.  She’s running on auto-pilot right now and I really don’t think she’s ready to hear what happened.  Maybe in another day or two.  I got David to put a tag on her commlock and Computer alerts me whenever she leaves Medical Center.”

John nodded.  “Thanks, Alan.” 

“No problem, it’s the least I can do.”

Alan wearily disembarked from the Eagle after the eleven hour round trip.  He’d flown one of the first birds stuffed full of the equipment and supplies needed to back up the exploratory teams and establish a permanent base of operations.  He’d landed, dropped off the full pod, picked up one of the now empty pods from the initial teams and headed straight back.  The maintenance crews were already preparing the next load and he expected the Eagle to be off again in a few hours, but with someone else driving.  He needed to get some rest. 

He did a quick walkabout Reconnaissance and was pleased to see they had managed to get Eagle 1 back.  Fraser had flown it back piggybacked to one of the heavy-duty, reinforced Eagles.  He had obviously also detailed a team to try to get that bird back into shape.  Good.  They needed every Eagle they had to make this work. 

Alan headed for his quarters for a quick shower and change.   As he walked through the corridors, it was easy to see Alpha had moved into high gear by the end of the first full day of Operation Exodus.  From the damaged areas being ignored, he could tell priorities had shifted from repair to salvage.  They were going to take everything not bolted down, and everything bolted down that they could figure out how to get unbolted.  If they were going to do this, at least they were blessed with the luxury of enough time to strip Alpha bare.

A quick shower later, a check with Computer found Sandra in her quarters.  Good.  He’d pick up some more food and head to her place.  Helena had left a message that Sandra needed to eat more. 

He rubbed the back of his still stiff neck as he grabbed his toothbrush and razor; he just wished the sofa was a half-meter longer.  Then he wouldn’t get that crick back in his neck tonight.

“Mommy, it’s Alan!” 

Damon took Alan’s hand and pulled him into the room.  Alan smiled down at the boy and lifted the cover on the dinner tray for a peek. 

“And he brought more berries!” 

Alan handed the plastic bowl to the happy boy and watched him carry it carefully back to the table.  He climbed up into a chair and started eating the strawberries one by one. Unlike most boys in Alan’s memory, Damon didn’t eat quickly, but seemed to savor each one. 

When the dietary techs had found out the boy liked fresh fruit, they started putting some aside for Alan.  There would only be a few more days worth, though.  The hydroponics section was well on its way to being dismantled for transport down. That would be a priority as soon as the protective greenhouses were in place, which would be three days at most.  The techs were delighted they had the time to take all the rooted plants.  That would save immeasurably on the time needed for getting food production up and running over starting from seeds.

Sandra walked out from the back alcove, her hair tousled and with the look as if she had just woken up.  She was wearing one of her old slacks uniforms which she had belted tightly to keep from falling off.  Unfortunately, without wearing a jacket, all that did was to emphasize her unhealthy thinness. 

“Dinner, Sahn.” 

“Thank you, but I’m not that hungry.”

“Gotta eat, or Helena will get on my case.”

Sandra pulled out a chair and sat next to Damon, arranging a selection of food for him.  The boy offered her a strawberry, and when she didn’t take it, Damon picked up her hand and put the berry in it.

“Eat, mommy.”

“Wisdom from the mouth of babes, Sahn.  Eat.” 

Smiling fondly at her son, Sandra did so, and Damon looked pleased and finished the rest. 

“I did eat earlier, Alan, but this is still pre-dawn to my body.  I’m just not hungry yet.  I’ll eat in a few hours.”

Alan harrumphed at her explanation and sat on the sofa.  “At least nibble on some of the bread, please?  You’re so thin I lose you when you turn sideways.”

Sandra rolled her eyes at Alan but did as he bid.  After Damon finished his dinner, she supervised his bath and then the three of them sat on the sofa and watched an old show on the Earth space program.  Damon was as interested to see all the scenes with crowds as he was the spaceships, and the hour passed quickly.  The little boy then fell asleep and Alan carried him to the bed and tucked him in.

“Does he ask about his dad?”  Alan asked as he kicked off his shoes and sat back down next to Sandra, propping his feet up on the sofa table in front of them.

“John?”  Sandra asked.  Alan nodded.

“The Commander stopped by Medical Center earlier and spent time with him.  He’s very busy and Damon seems to understand that.”

“And Paul?”

Sandra shook her head.  “He’s too young.  One day.”  

They sat quietly for a while as Alan tried to think how to bring up the next subject.  Subtlety wasn’t exactly his forte.  He looked at Sandra and realized she really wasn’t looking all that tired any more.  Maybe she was telling the truth about her days and nights being backwards.  Oh, well, might as well just ask…

“What happened down there on the planet, Sahn?”

“We survived.”

Alan nodded and waited for more details.  After a longish pause, he realized she didn’t mean to continue.  Well, that status report had been succinct and to the point, but was seriously lacking in the necessary details.  He watched her profile.  Even so terribly thin, she was still lovely.  Time to prod a bit.

“Yeah, but how?”

Sandra turned on the sofa to face him.  She pulled her legs up beneath herself and laid her arm against the back of the sofa, resting her cheek against it and staring off into the distance. 

“Did you know the Commander was an Eagle Scout?  He learned quite a bit about living in the woods and survival skills from that.  And his training from the military helped.  He and Lew evacuated us to the cave when the weather failed to improve after our arrival, and the two of them set up the camp. Lew assessed the geology of the area and felt we were on bedrock and high enough to avoid what evidence of flooding he could find.   

“The weather was horrible in the beginning.  Later, after several weeks, it settled and the remaining years saw nothing like those storms again.  John and I assumed they were caused by whatever it was that kept Alpha from sending a rescue team.”

Alan kept quiet and waited Sandra out.  This time, he felt that she had more to say.  Her eyes had a distant look, as if she weren’t quite here.

“Lew had hunting experience and taught us how to trap and skin.  By trial and error, we found many of the plants were edible as long as you cooked them first.”  Sandra shrugged.  “We survived.”

“What happened to Lew?”

“He ate a plant that wasn’t edible.  We buried him not too far from the cave under a rock cairn to keep the predators away.” 

The remoteness in Sandra’s voice sent a chill down Alan’s back. 

“We buried Caitlyn there after she died from pneumonia, and the boy we never named.  It’s a very pretty place.  I often went there.”

“I’d like to see it one day, Sahn.”

Sandra shook her head and came back to the present.  Alan thought she even looked a little self-conscious.  Suddenly, his fatigue caught up with him and he yawned widely.  Sandra smiled a little.

“Are you going to head back to your quarters?”

“Nope.”

Sandra merely sighed as he stood up and headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth.  He loosened his belt and draped it over his arm.  He headed out to fix up the sofa, only to find Sandra standing there holding a pair of men’s pajamas. 

“At least you will not be wrinkled in the morning.” 

Operation Exodus, day -8

Sandra was finding it difficult to make the transition back to Alphan life.  Like she had told Alan the evening before, her sleep pattern still followed planetary cycles, which placed her somewhere between day and night shifts and hungry when others were not.  And her former colleagues now felt like strangers.  Not to mention the social awkwardness the presence of Rebecca caused.  John was one of the few present she felt comfortable with, but the Commander was caught up with the arrangements for Operation Exodus, and in any case, she felt awkward searching him out for company.  She felt very… unreal and displaced.   Medical Center  became her refuge. 

In a quiet exam room, she tended to Rebecca.  To her delight, the baby was responding to treatment and becoming more active.  Becca’s appetite had also improved dramatically and she required more frequent feedings.  And as there was no other source of infant nutrition just yet, and the infant in question still needed to be in Medical, Sandra had an excuse to spend most of her days here.  On a less optimistic note, the treatments to reverse the nerve damage to her left arm did not yet show any signs of working, but Helena advised patience.

“She’s looking much better, Sahn.” 

Sandra looked up to find a smiling Alan leaning against the door jam.  Helena was right, Alan hadn’t changed all that much.  He was one of the few people who took her physical appearance in stride, as well as the children and all the implications that went with them.  He was a good friend.

“Come on, Sandra.  I bet you’d like to get out of Medical and get a chance to stretch your legs.”

Sandra cuddled the sleeping infant in her arms and walked her back to the bassinette to be hooked up again to the monitors and supplements.  

“Thank you, Alan, but I’m fine.  I’m going to start reviewing the changes made to Computer and I can do that from here.”  And she felt safe here, and she didn’t really want to leave Rebecca. 

“Go, Sandra.”  Helena walked over from where she was packing away medical items for transport.  “We’ll call if anything happens.”  Helena glanced at the monitors. “She’s just sleeping, really.  You have a couple of hours before she’ll be hungry again and it would be good for you to move around some.”

Sandra shook her head trying to refocus and banish the reoccurring sense of unreality.  That she really was back on Alpha, that Rebecca had an excellent chance of surviving, that she didn’t have to face burying another child.   She looked over to Helena, grateful for the doctor’s kindness but wishing she knew where she stood with the woman.  She looked over to the small cot that had been placed next to the exam beds.  Damon was napping there.

“And we’ll watch out for him, too.  Even packing there’s always a nurse on duty here.”  Helena nodded in Gloria’s direction. “I’ll have her keep an eye out for him.”

“Come on, Sahn.  Let’s get something to eat before they dismantle the last of the ovens.   After that its cold gruel until we’re planetside.”

Sandra looked up at Alan with a neutral expression.   How could she explain to him that cold gruel sounded just fine?   That only a week ago that would have been a feast.  When she didn’t move, Alan reached over and took her hand. 

“I’ll have her back in a few hours, Helena.  I’m not scheduled to shift another load until then.” 

As they walked out the doors he leaned over and said for her ears alone, “It’s time I kept my promise.”

Alan keyed in the security codes and the doors to Main Mission opened slowly.   He glanced down at Sandra as he led the way in.  She followed the pilot, looking around the empty space, and stopping where her old console had stood.  The vaulted space was dark with only a few emergency lights still in place.  It was plain that evacuation had been hasty and that there had yet to be time enough to come back and close things down systematically.  And now there never would be.  She wrapped her arms around herself and looked at Paul’s spot sadly.  How she missed him.  She watched as Alan walked around the periphery of Main Mission, picking up the odd scrap of paper.

“We hadn’t really gotten our bearings back yet from losing the three of you.  The warp that snagged us came out of nowhere and shook Alpha to hell and back.  Even Computer got rattled pretty badly.  Helena was, well, almost inconsolable, and Paul had completely shut himself off from the rest of us.  Oh, he did his job and took over for John well enough, but the man was just… dead inside.  Tanya tried to reach out to him, but he barely even looked at her.  The Professor tried to keep morale up, but you could tell he was hurting badly, too.  He missed John, and you, Sandra.”

Sandra looked over at Alan a bit surprised at the last.  Alan knew she had always been very fond of the senior scientist, but obviously hadn’t known he'd felt the same.  Lost in thought, she shivered in the cold, empty room.  He saw the motion and walked over to her, taking off his jacket and laying it over her shoulders.  Pulling it tight, Sandra gave him a small, grateful smile. 

“We spent the first few days trying to figure out a way to get back to you, but then a voice hailed us from the planet we were approaching.  Called himself Mentor of Psychon.  He offered all sorts of mineral resources and invited us down to pick it up.  We did need what he had to offer, so Torens and Fraser went down.  Only Fraser made it back.  The bloody bastard planned on kidnapping all of us and sucking our brains dry to feed his ‘biological computer’.  That’s what happened to Ray.  The Professor caught on quick enough and I went down with Verdeschi and we got Fraser back.  When Mentor realized we’d tricked him, he went stark raving mad and tried to blow up Alpha.”  Alan looked around Main Mission and cast a glance outside the viewport to the damaged buildings beyond.   “He almost succeeded.” 

Without speaking, they walked over together to one of the direct vision ports.  The one next to them was sealed over with a scratched polymer sheet.  They stood side by side, Alan leaning on the ledge, and looking out to the damaged buildings scattered across Alpha.  A steady stream of Eagles could be seen taking off for the planet or returning for the next load. 

“Our only hope was that Alpha would drift past his reach, and quickly.  We’d almost made it when Mentor went completely mad.  He drained his planet to destroy Alpha.  We had the Bergman Forcefield up, and that deflected most of the onslaught.  That’s probably what saved us.  The planet literally blew itself apart.  As we watched the planet disintegrate, we saw one of his ships heading toward us.   I was all for taking it out, but the Professor had us bring it down instead.  I’m still not sure if that was a good idea.”

Sandra looked back over to Alan.  He knew there had been an odd tone to his voice. 

“Oh?”

Alan looked down at her, his usual good humor gone. “There was one survivor.  She says she’s Mentor’s daughter.”

Sandra was surprised at that.  He doubted if she had seen the alien.  “Is she still alive?”

“Yeah.  We kept her in isolation until Helena finished her tests.  It’s a damned shame, but she’s compatible with us.  Can eat just about all the same food, even looks almost human.”

“Is she a danger?”

“You could say that.  She probably knows more about our Computer systems than we do, and is a shapeshifter on top of that.”

Alan nodded at Sandra’s look of surprise. 

“Tony’s keeping an eye on her.  She’s managed to get Helena and Tanya on her side trying to convince me to give her more leeway.   Even Fraser, if you can believe that.  But I saw that planet and the slaves in the mine pits.  And that included Torens.  No, I don’t trust her.  But…”  Alan shrugged, “now that’s John’s problem and he’s welcome to it.”

Alan hoped that explained his reservations about colonizing the planet.  But it still left a glaring mystery unresolved, and Sandra was not going to overlook it.  Nor did she.

“Alan, tell me what happened to Paul.”

Alan grimaced at the memories as he watched the Eagles dance outside.  The tale got even uglier now, and his part even more so.  Still, Sandra was entitled.  

“We picked up the pieces like we always do, and settled down to try and repair all the damage.  We reshuffled staff to fill in gaps and made plans to relocate Main Mission down below for better protection.  Mentor showed us how vulnerable we are up here.  Over the next two weeks, plans were drafted for Command Center and David, Alibe and Yasko started moving things down there.  When Paul showed up one shift wearing the black sleeve, we knew he’d given up hope.  Helena just about cried.  I think until then she believed Paul and the Professor would pull one more rabbit out of their hats and find a way back to you.”  Alan felt Sandra’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t look at her.

“We argued a lot, Paul and me.  Looking back, it was mostly over stupid stuff.  I guess I was mad he had given up on you lot.  One day he’d had enough, and when I showed up to man Eagle Ops, he ordered me out on a survey flight.  I was pissed and I let him know it, but I left. 

“It was that day, just about three weeks ago, that the viewport blew out.”  He gestured to the sealed-over space next to them. “Damaged seals gave way and the place decompressed.  Everyone evacuated.  Kate was trapped and crushed under some Computer panels, but Victor and Paul somehow pulled her out.  As they carried Kate out between them, Paul realized Tanya hadn’t made it yet.  She’d been too near a monitor when it blew and had gotten showered with glass shards and couldn’t see well enough to find her way out.  Paul went back in to get her.  It must have been a bloody windstorm by then, but he pulled her out.  Just as they got to the door, another computer exploded and he took the blow to the back of his head from one of the flying panels.”

Alan finally looked down at Sandra and reached out to wipe a few of the tears off her face. 

“The back of his head was caved in.  Helena said he didn’t know what hit him.  His body lived and the decision was made to transplant his corneas to Tanya to restore her sight, and to give one of his kidneys to Kate after hers shut down.  We all agreed it’s what he would’ve wanted.”

Sandra nodded.  He would have. 

“Anyhow, by the time I got back, the damage was done.  The Professor and I decided we’d divide the Command job between us until we figured out something better.”

“But you didn’t wear the black sleeve.”

“No.  The professor was more entitled and I figured he’d see it that way soon enough.”

“What happen to him?”

Alan again had to swallow his emotions.  The professor’s death had just about done him in. “You sure you want to go through this all right now?”  Sandra’s eyes were bright with tears, but she looked more herself than she had since her return.  She nodded.

“Alright.  About a week later, Helena said he just went to sleep one night, and didn’t wake up.  She gave a fancy medical explanation, but I think he just gave up. For the past week or so we’ve been moving everything below the lunar surface and consolidating our resources.  I moved Verdeschi up to the Command Staff.  In fact, he’s the one who brought Mentor’s daughter to Command Center to help get Computer back in shape.  I still don’t really trust her, but she’s the one who recognized that spatial rift in time for us to call in all the Eagles.  We popped through to the other side, all of us, thank God, expecting to find ourselves in another section of space, but instead… things looked about the same.  It was Maya who realized we’d jumped through time.  Same solar system, but thousands of years earlier.  We were approaching it for a third time, but from an oblique angle and from the opposite direction. 

“I was about ready to launch the Eagles against Mentor’s ancestors on the chance they were as crazy as he was, when Computer spat out the coordinates that just about exactly matched the ones where we lost you.  This is Psychon, but thousands of years before its destruction.  We were back where we started.”  He reached out to touch her long hair.  “Almost.”

“So… Somehow Alpha traveled forward in time to see the destruction of this planet?  And back again?”  Sandra could almost accept that given everything else they had been through on their journey.  “Do we become Mentor’s people?”

“Lord, I hope not.  And Helena and Bob don’t think so.”

Alan saw Sandra suddenly shivering non-stop despite the warmth offered by his jacket.  Whether from the cold or emotion he couldn’t tell, but he slipped his arm around her and pulled her over to him to share his warmth.  They continued to watch the departing Eagles.

“Shouldn’t you be supervising the Eagle evacuation?” 

Alan looked at her reflection in the viewport.  Maybe she wasn’t as overwhelmed and numb as everyone thought.  “I ran a check right before I got you out of Medical Center, we did that quick stop-by en route here, and I’ll head back after I drop you off.  We’re using Paul’s plans for Operation Exodus, and he was always thorough.”  Alan saw the pain in Sandra’s eyes.  “Except for having to work around one non-functioning Eagle pad and being short three birds, his plans hold.  The extra days we have compared to that time around Arkadia will buy us the time we need for a complete evacuation.  And Fraser is stretching his command wings and enjoying being temporary section head.  Don’t worry about me, Sandra.  I always hold my own.” 

Alan saw Sandra’s reflection nod. 

“Come on, Sahn.  It’s time to leave.” 

Operation Exodus, day -7

“Helena, are you sure you should be lifting that?” 

John placed Rebecca back in her bassinette and came up behind her and took the packing cube with medical supplies.  Helena smiled an exasperated smile.

“I’m pregnant, John, not sick.  Shouldn’t you be off supervising somewhere instead of annoying me here in Medical Center?”

John walked up behind his lady love and turned her around gently and kissed her thoroughly.  “I take the hint, Dr. Russell.  See you at dinner?”

Helena nodded and John left as Sandra arrived with Damon for Rebecca’s first feeding.  He acknowledged Sandra with a peck on her cheek, which left the woman amazed and in no small part embarrassed as she turned to face a smiling Helena. 

“Ignore him, Sandra.  Was he this silly when you were pregnant?” 

“Not really.  We worried too much about how to provide for the children.  It is good to see him so happy.” 

The women exchanged smiles as Sandra picked up a gurgling Rebecca and Damon settled in for a day.

Things were progressing well, thought John.  Alpha was starting to look like a department store during the after-holiday sales.  Packing cubes were everywhere and walls were starting to look bare.  Depending on priority, some divisions were empty having been relocated down to the planet while others looked just about normal.   He walked through corridors that were less busy than the ‘day shift’ but still much more busy than the usual ‘night shift’.  He paused at a busy intersection near Manufacturing to watch the organized activity.  He was pleased to see the good attitudes and hopeful faces.  His stomach growled and he looked at the chronometer on the commpost.  0200.  Time to get a bite to eat and then head back to rejoin Helena.

He wished he could shift back to Alphan time, but with all the activity and frequent nighttime awakenings to trouble-shoot, he’d wait until they got planetside to keep regular hours.  Less than seven days left.

John stopped by the main cafeteria and helped himself to sandwiches and coffee.  The lighting was subdued and the place was quiet, but even here there were Alphans getting meals and snacks.  He spoke with a few pilots about what they were seeing on the planet and then looked around to find a table to eat his meal.  He smiled when he saw one person also eating a late dinner and went over to join her.

“Still off cycle, too, Sandra?  May I join you?”

The dark-haired woman looked up at him and then at the others in the room. 

“Of course, Commander.”

John pulled out the chair.  He started in on the first sandwich and watched the woman opposite him.   

“How’s Damon?”

“Asleep in my quarters.   He’s adjusted to Alpha very well and is falling asleep easily.”

“By himself?”  John couldn’t believe Sandra would have left the boy alone.  He knew she was much too attentive a mother for that.  He saw a blush climb her face.

“Alan is there.” 

“Ah.”

“On the sofa.”

John frankly smiled.  He and Sandra had shared too much for him to feel the need for restraint around her.  “Sandra, I just wish he’d climb in your bed.”  He laughed when Sandra looked mortified.  “Alan’s a good man.  You could do a lot worse.”

She shook her head.  “It is too much, too soon.  For him, if not for me.” 

John shrugged, a small smile still on his face as he started on his second sandwich.  “Give him a chance.  I’ll be happier knowing you’re settled.”

Sandra gave him a sour look.  “I can look after myself.  It won’t be like it was before.  We will have help.  And enough food.”  She took a last bite of her sandwich and wiped her lips on a napkin.  She stood, pushing in her chair and gathering her tray.

“Goodnight, Commander.”

“Goodnight, Sandra.”

Sandra made her way back to her quarters, her thoughts on what John had said.  Everyone seemed determined to pair her off with Alan, and all without her say.  She rubbed her left arm where some sensation was finally returning, and just now that included the sore area where Helena had implanted a year-long contraceptive. 

Like Alan unilaterally deciding to all but move in with her, she hadn’t been asked if she wanted the implant.  Helena had placed it while she was deeply asleep right after her return, and without her permission.  She knew she would have agreed, it just would’ve been nice to be asked.  Her expression when she realized what had been done must have spoke volumes.  Helena had taken pains to remind her of ILC rules concerning deep space missions… that in an emergency the CMO and commanding officer could make next-of-kin medical decisions.   And Helena had made it clear that another pregnancy too soon could very well cause her death.  Ah, well…Helena was right, of course.

She entered her quarters and went to the bathroom to change.  Undressing, she slipped into a sleepshirt, pulling on her robe over that.  She’d be glad to get back on a regular sleep cycle.  Soon she hoped.  She passed the sofa with only a glance, but then stopped for a closer look.  Alan wasn’t sleeping there.  But Damon was.  Sandra walked around the room divider and found what she expected.  Alan was there in her bed. 

She placed her hands on her hips, almost stamping her foot in pique.  This was, well, maddening.  Silently fuming, she tucked a lock of long hair behind her ear as she considered her options.  She wasn’t about to ask Alan to move, he needed his sleep.  But… alright… she would move Damon to the bed and she could take the sofa. 

“Sahn, come here, I don’t bite.”

Alan spoke softly, but Sandra could hear a smile in his voice.

“That is, not unless you ask me to.”

“Alan.”  He chuckled at her remonstration as she looked at him accusingly.  “Did John put you up to this?”

“No.  I’m perfectly capable of getting into trouble all on my own.”

Sandra stared at Alan who simply looked back blandly.  She watched as he changed tactics to wheedling.   

“Come on, love.  My neck just couldn’t take another night on that excuse for a sofa.”

Sandra considered.  “You could just go back to your own quarters.”

Alan shook his head. 

It almost seemed inevitable.  She sighed, too tired to argue the issue tonight. “Just don’t snore, alright?”

Alan held up the edge of the blanket and patted the bed.  “Just elbow me if I do.”

After giving him a long, level look, she climbed in, but stayed on her half.  But once in bed, she found herself unable to go to sleep.  She lay on her side facing the wall.  She could just sense the body heat of the man next to her.

“Sandra, how are you doing?”

She took a deep breath and rolled over to face Alan.  She knew what he meant. “It doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.  Finding out Paul was gone.  He, all of you, had been dead to us for years.  When I saw you and Helena I had my hopes, but when Paul didn’t come with you, I… suspected.  He might have stayed on Alpha, but, no.  He would have come.” 

“Yeah.  He would have.  But you don’t have to worry, Sahn.  I’ll stay and help.”

“Alan…”

“Shh, get some sleep.”

Alan pulled her over to him and rolled her over.  He tucked her in against his chest and wrapped an arm around her.  She was surprised at his audacity, but had to admit the warmth of someone next to her was nice.   She fell asleep to the sounds of soft snores.

The presence of a small body standing too close awoke her from a sound sleep, more than the gentle patting on her still numb forearm did.

“Mommy, I have to go.”

Sandra nodded and slipped out from under Alan’s arm.  She saw Damon glance confused at Alan asleep in his mother’s bed, but the urgencies of a full bladder took evident priority.

Sandra slipped her hand into the boy’s and they walked to the bathroom.  Fumbling in the dark, it took Sandra a moment to recall she again had access to unlimited light.  She pressed the light pad and a soft glow filled the room.  Damon adjusted his aim and quickly relieved the uncomfortable hydrostatic pressure that had awoken him.  Letting his mum help pull up his pants, he turned to go back to bed.  He was so tired he walked right into the wall with a solid thud without even waking up.  Sandra smothered a small smile and turned the boy’s thin shoulders to aim him through the doorway, and then guided him back to the sofa.  He climbed up on his own and tucked himself into a small ball.

Sandra slipped the pillow under Damon’s head and pulled the blue blanket up under his chin.  She smoothed the brown, wavy hair away from his forehead.  So very much like Paul’s.  Bladder empty, Damon had almost immediately fallen back into a deep sleep.  He seemed to be taking all the changes in his small world in remarkable stride.  Much better than she was, in truth.  She returned to the bathroom and turned off the light.  Taking a moment to remember where everything was in the now darkened quarters, she crossed back to the sleeping alcove. 

In the dimness, she looked at Alan asleep in her bed.  He had rolled over and was now stretched out on his back taking up most of the space.  Paul’s sleeping clothes just about fit his frame, even though Alan was broader through the shoulders.  She sat next to him and looked at the face that was almost exactly as she recalled.  At moments like this, her mind was almost able to wrap itself around the fact they had been gone four years, to the other Alphans mere six weeks. 

For all his smiles and cheerfulness, Alan seemed to be taking events, and her admittedly awkward situation, very seriously.  More seriously than her memories seemed to recall of her usually light-hearted friend.  She remembered him happily hopping from bed to bed, although hers most assuredly had never been amongst that number.  But, as far as her knowledge went, he had never offered to move in with anyone. 

Sandra watched Alan’s deep, even breathing.  She knew from shared night-shifts in Main Mission that he had had a soft spot for the injured animals on his family’s cattle station.  He had cared for an abandoned three-legged puppy, and kept it as a pet despite his father’s protests of its uselessness.  Sandra rubbed her numb arm.  She didn’t want to become another Carter charity case.  But, she might as well take him up on his offer of companionship while it lasted.  It had been too many years since she had slept alone.

Sandra glanced at the chronometer.  About thirty minutes until Alan had to get up to prepare for his next run to the planet.  She sat down next to him and gently brushed the blond hair away from his closed eyes.  She let her fingers trail down his face and lightly brush his lips.  She was tempted to kiss him, but didn’t.  She continued down his neck pausing to feel the slow, steady thump of the pulse under the prickles on his overnight beard.  She continued further, enjoying the feel of running her fingers over his muscled shoulders and down his chest, the hairs peeking through the top of the blue Alphan wrap which had come loose in his sleep.  Untying the belt the rest of the way and opening the robe so she could see the rest of his chest and belly, she finished what Alan’s tossing had started.  He was thinner than she remembered, but still much better nourished than she or… the Commander were at present.  The stresses of surviving the repeated losses on Alpha had obviously taken its toll, along with the burden of command. 

The cool air on his newly exposed skin caused Alan to flinch slightly, but he still didn’t awaken.  Sandra leaned over a bit more and ran both hands lightly over the warm skin of his chest and belly, simply enjoying the feel of a living person next to her.  She knew this was something she would not take for granted for a long time to come.  She allowed her hands to drift further down and felt the comfortable bulge in his thin sleeping pants.  Actually, more than just a bulge.  As she touched and caressed, his morning erection became more pronounced and more urgent.  She glanced up to his face, and was pleased to find he was still asleep, but less deeply than just a few moments before.

Well, then.  Alan had been the one to come to her and state his intentions of staying with her until a new home on the planet’s surface was ready.  And he had even made it plain he intended to join her there for some nebulous period of time as they settled.  Sandra chuckled, there was no real reason he had to sleep on the sofa, here or on the planet’s surface.  Watching his face, she stood and untied her own robe letting it slip off her shoulders onto the floor and then pulled off her panties.  The old RAF sweatshirt she wore would provide enough modesty if Damon should arise unexpectedly.

She climbed back on the bed and carefully straddled Alan’s thighs, trying not to awaken him just yet.  She loosened his pants to free him from their encumbering folds, and then proceeded to lightly and then more firmly caress Alan into his full potential.  Not wanting to lose her nerve in case he awoke, she inched up the few necessary centimeters and gently but firmly lowered herself onto him.  She shuddered slightly.  Yes… this is what she needed, to feel as close as physically possible to another living person.  The planet had been her reality for so very long that Alpha and everyone here seemed… ephemeral.  She could think of no more… effective… manner than this to center herself on the here and now.

She raked her hands up and down Alan’s chest and was not surprised when his body started to move in rhythm with hers.   Her eyes closed in pleasure as her climax built.  She smiled when a warm hand wrapped around her waist and another cupped a breast under her sleepshirt.  She continued to move up and down encouraging Alan into further and deeper efforts.  She shuddered as her climax rippled though her and she clamped down even harder on Alan in her release.  She opened her eyes to see his smiling up at her, but then found herself being rolled over and roughly and thoroughly kissed as Alan then sought his pleasure.  She cooperated without hesitation and enjoyed the sensations almost as much as Alan pushed his way to his climax, and then collapsed on top of her. 

Sandra rested contentedly on her back, eyes closed, arms loosely wrapped around Alan’s waist.  For the first time since returning to Alpha, she felt at peace.  She felt her overly long hair being brushed away from her ear and a warm tongue take its place.  She shuddered at the tingles sent coursing up and down her spine.  Mindful of the sleeping child, she was not surprised when Alan whispered to her.

“Enjoy yourself?”

“Umm hmm.” 

“Good.”

”You don’t mind?”

“What?  Being seduced and ravaged by a woman half my size?  Nah.  Happens all the time.”

“Alan!”

She felt Alan’s chuckle more than heard it.  He rolled off her and gathered her to his side, his arm pulling her tight.

“I’m just glad to see you smile, Sahn.  I know you went through hell and back on the planet, but there’s no reason you have to face going back there alone.”    

Sandra sighed.  There.  It was out in the open.  John was most assuredly back with Helena.  And to be honest, that was as it should be.  She entertained no delusions but what had happened on the planet was solely the result of two desperately lonely people coping as best they could.  Still… they had developed a comfortableness together.  And Damon loved John as a father.  

She tucked her arm around Alan’s waist, enjoying the closeness while it lasted.  Alan was a dear friend, and had been for a long while, but still.  Until this night she had not considered him as a bed partner.  And he was not exactly known for monogamy. 

“And why are you here, Alan?  It’s not as if I’ll be left without help once we relocate.  The Commander will be busy, but I have no doubt he’ll make time for Damon.  And Rebecca.  He is a very good father and loves them dearly.”

“And you?  Don’t you deserve someone to care for you?”

“Perhaps.  But you haven’t answered my question.  Why you?”

She pushed herself up on her elbow to see Alan’s face better, but the numb arm betrayed her and she ended up instead slipping and hitting her chin hard against his shoulder.  She felt her jaw rattle and briefly saw stars.  The nerve regeneration treatments were seeming to help, but obviously only a little so far. 

“Ouch!  You’ve got a pointy chin there, Sahn.”  He rubbed his shoulder and smiled at her.  “Look, we’ll talk more later.”  Alan rolled out of bed.  Picking up his uniform from the chair where he had left it just a few hours earlier, he pivoted back around and crouched down to  be on eye level.  “There will be a later?”

Sandra reached out her good hand and brushed the hair from his forehead. “If you wish, yes.”

“Good.”  He took her hand and kissed it.  Standing, he dressed, showing off a bit and letting Sandra look her fill.

He bent over and shared one last, lingering kiss and was off.  

Operation Exodus, day -5

She helped Damon with his breakfast selections in the cafeteria and took the time to chat with members of her section.  She was due in Command Center shortly to help with the dismantling for Operation Exodus.  She had her reservations of how useful she would be after four years away, but Kano had asked for her help and she would try not to disappoint him.  But first, she would need to stop by Medical Center to spend time with Rebecca and drop off Damon to be watched over by the nurses.

Rebecca was looking much better.  Her color was better and she seemed to have more energy.  The swollen thyroid gland in her neck looked slightly smaller and her skin was certainly no longer dry and parchment-like.  Even the puffiness around her eyes was all but gone.  She was still hooked up to the IV fluids, and had multiple supplements dripping into her tiny body, but those were to end today.  Helena had warned her that Rebecca might not reach the full intelligence potential blessed to her by genetics, but even that was not a certainty.  The hormone supplements may have been started in time.  At the worst, she would be functional and independent.  Thank God.    

She took her daughter to an exam room and dimmed the overhead lights which still bothered the baby used to indirect, natural daylight.  Sandra unzipped the sleeve on her left arm and loosened her clothes enough to breastfeed.  This was a special time and she always treasured these moments of closeness with her children.  Rebecca was almost full when Sandra became aware of the quiet voices of nurses outside the room.  She thought she heard Paul’s name mentioned.  She listened more attentively with growing confusion, disbelief and finally anger.  She dressed quickly and picked up a sleepy Rebecca.  She walked out of the dim room to the surprise of the nurses and handed the baby to the nearer one.  She turned to her right and walked to the back  isolation room, the one she had thought was empty.  

Helena was finishing the notes on John, Sandra and the children when the urgent message come across her commlock.   Swearing quietly, she put out an urgent message for Alan and another to John to come to the Medical Center immediately.  She left her office and walked quickly to the small rooms behind the ICU bays, but did not quite reach there in time. 

Sandra was obviously ignoring the nurse’s call to wait as she walked into the dark isolation bay.  Her expression was closed, but Helena wasn’t fooled.  She could feel the anger radiating from the small woman.  Helena cringed slightly inside, but had to honestly admit Sandra was entitled to be angry.  She would have been furious. 

Helena motioned for Gloria to step aside, and the nurse did so gratefully, placing the baby to her shoulder and patting the small back gently as she quickly left the area.  Helena walked to the door and stopped.  Sandra was standing at the foot of the bed in the quiet, dimly lighted room, but her white knuckles clutching the bedclothes were plain to see. 

Over Sandra’s shoulder, Helena looked critically at Paul Morrow.  He looked as if he were asleep.  He was dreadfully thin, and his complexion held an unusual color which might have been due to the monitor lights, if Helena were not aware his liver was failing.  She continued to watch as Sandra walked up the side of the bed and reached out and ran light fingers down his bearded cheek.  Tears fell onto the sheets unnoticed.

“Sandra?”  Helena walked up to the other side of Paul’s bed.  “We didn’t lie to you.  He is, for all intents and purposes, dead.”

Sandra looked over at Helena, her feelings of betrayal plain to see on her face, her eyes hard and angry.  “Why haven’t you let him go?  Is there some other organ you plan to cut out first before you give him his peace?”  Sandra’s voice cracked with grief, rough with emotions she tried to hold in check.

“There… was that possibility, but no longer.”  Helena looked up and past Sandra to the man who had just entered. “It’s time, John.”

Helena walked to the end of the bed and prepared to press those buttons that would stop the artificial maintenance of Paul Morrow’s life. 

“Stop, Helena.”  Sandra looked at Helena and then up at John who had placed a hand on her shoulder.  She shook it off.  “Did you know he was here?  Did you?” 

John looked sadly at his all-but-dead friend and then at Sandra. “I found out a few days ago.  We were trying to decide when to tell you.  When, Sandra, not if.  But, you’ve had so much to cope with…”

“And you didn’t think I could deal with this?”  Sandra saw that truth in John’s eyes.  She knew him too well for him to lie to her.  She pivoted around and looked at Paul again. If only he could know about Damon… 

She didn’t know what to think, but did know one thing.

“Helena, I’ll do that.  I’m the closest thing he has here to family.”  And the mother of the son he’ll never know, she added to herself. 

Showing more resolve than anyone present would have given her credit for, Sandra took Helena’s place and slowly but firmly pressed the three buttons that brought her lover peace.   The monitors over Paul’s head gradually flattened out and the quiet beeping became a monotone.  Sandra turned and left. 

Helena looked at John, her eyes brimming with tears.  John walked over to her and pulled her into a comforting embrace.  Helena allowed the reassurance, but only for a moment.  She smiled sadly up into John’s face and then gently pushed away from him.  They turned and followed Sandra out, neither surprised to find Alan holding her as she finally vented her grief. 

Operation Exodus, day -4

Helena arrived a few minutes late and sat down next to John in his small office just outside the new Command Center.  He stood as she entered and took her hand briefly and squeezed it before returning to his own seat.  The public intimacy no longer embarrassed her.  Alan, Sandra and now herself made the room very crowded and there were still two more to join them for this conference.  The door opened and Tony escorted Maya in.  John was obviously in no mood for chit-chat.

“Okay, Maya, what can you tell us about your homeworld?” 

Helena watched the newest Alphan critically.  She was truly quite lovely with her blue eyes and auburn hair.  Many of the male Alphans had certainly noticed, including the security chief.  Helena watched Tony watch Maya and kept a perfectly straight face, although it was a challenge.   The Italian was known to be almost as… sociable… as Alan was among the ladies, although he had settled down of late since finding out his girlfriend was one of those pregnant.

Maya had refrained from using her metamorphic ability in public, which Helena thought was wise of her.  If she were to live among them, it was best to stress the similarities, not the differences.  She had demonstrated her ability to John, and Helena could tell he had been amazed, although he had kept his expression dispassionate.

After almost seven weeks, Maya’s understanding of English was flawless, as long as one stayed away from excessive idiom.  She had regained her poise since the destruction of her home and Helena could tell she was making an effort to match the non-verbal body language of those around her.  From the way John and Sandra seemed to be relaxing in her presence, it was working.  Too bad Alan still seemed openly dubious, but at least Tony seemed accepting.  Or smitten.  Helena chuckled to herself.  Eleni would have to watch out or Maya might just give her a run for her money.

“The records of civilization on Psychon go back thousands of your years, Commander.  The earliest documents indicated we were placed there by a race of extremely advanced beings.  Why, we don’t know.  As we ourselves became more advanced, we discovered traces of an earlier planet-based civilization that had covered much of the world.  You must understand, Psychon was a fertile, lush world until just the past few generations, and the traces of those people were faint as the planet sought to recover its pristine state over the intervening millennia.”

“Well, what were the ‘traces’?” 

Helena thought John was being a bit brusque with Maya, and Tony apparently agreed given his expression.

“Evidence of rivers and waterfalls that had been redirected in deliberate ways.  Patterns of old growth forests that showed signs of planned oversight.  Underwater foundations that could have supported vast buildings.  Cave labyrinths that made no geological sense, but were repeated the world over.  There was even skeletal evidence that suggested the animal life forms had… changed… much too quickly to be explained by anything but selective breeding.”

Helena joined Alan and Tony in her amazement that such a horribly deformed world as they had seen destroyed could once have been so alive.  But if Maya was correct, that same world was the one they were considering settling. 

“And what happened to the people who presumably made all these world changes?”

“We don’t know.  It seems that over a very short period of time, they just left.”

“Died out?”

“No.  There was no evidence of that.  And the oral record clearly implies they left shortly after our arrival.”

“Why?”

“Again, unknown.  But the subject was rich fodder for childhood nursery tales.”

“Such as?”

Maya shrugged and seemed almost embarrassed to have to relate such unsubstantiated information.  “That they were a preordained people.  The phrase was ‘that they shall have an odyssey that never ends’.”  Maya nodded, her eyes turned inward briefly.  “Yes, that is the closest translation.  It was a common refrain that Psychon was just one stop on a long journey, and that they would increase and spread out throughout the galaxy and populate the deepest reaches of space.”

Maya stopped as she saw the surprised looks on the faces around her. “Truly, they are only children’s stories.  We never found any evidence to support that in our solar system.”

John looked at Maya steadily.  “Perhaps you didn’t look in the right direction.  Or the right time.”   

John turned slightly to look at Alan, his eyebrows raised in speculation. Alan was the first to grin.

“Alright, I officially withdraw any and all objections.  When do we leave, Commander?”

Operation Exodus, day -1

The final packing took place that night.  Most of the Alphans had already relocated to the planet’s surface.  Among the last to leave for medical reasons, Tanya and Kate had finally stopped by to visit with Sandra now that Sandra knew Paul’s fate.  There were only the final portable components of Computer, medical and life support to remove, as well as the ten or so technicians and handful of pilots left.  All that would fit neatly, if compactly, on the four Eagles waiting on the pads.