“Plastic?” Helena asked rubbing the back of her neck. She still hadn’t had a chance to get out of her pressure suit, although she had shed gloves, cuffs and collar. Medical Center was almost put back together and maintenance crews had now moved on to crew quarters. She wasn’t happy about having someone wandering around her quarters cleaning out the foam, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it.
“It’s a very sophisticated polymer. It only looks like soap bubbles.” John explained. “The tech section is having a field day. Can you assign someone to test it? If it’s not toxic, we can re-use it in a number of different ways.”
“Well, we’ve all been exposed to it, and we haven’t seemed to suffer any ill effects yet. I’ll have some tests run on it and let you know.”
John nodded and moved behind her, taking over rubbing her neck for her. She relaxed against him and closed her eyes.
It had been a long trip from Alpha and a long day of meetings. Still, she had enjoyed the chance to return to Earth for a few days. And she had also enjoyed watching John Koenig from across the conference table. He had the most amazing blue eyes and there was something intensely sensual about his lips. She had worked hard to keep her mind on the meeting to choose a crew for the next scheduled deep space mission, and had even managed to participate. But she had also noticed Koenig watching her while she was watching him.
“You should get some rest,” he suggested softly.
“I will.” She shivered slightly as if waking from a dream. It was hard not to think of Melita Kelly going home to empty quarters. Helena had been in that situation herself.
“You can’t be cold with that suit on,” John said.
She had forgotten she was leaning against him. “No,” she shook her head. “I was… just thinking…” she managed a small smile.
“Walk you home?” John offered.
Helena nodded. She would like nothing better than to have John walk her home, all the way back to Earth. This whole business with the huge space brain and the foam and Kelly had almost been more than she could handle. They left her office and entered the busy medical center. She stopped Bob Mathias who was just coming back on duty. She briefly explained what John needed them to do and he assured her it would be taken care of. John and Helena left Medical Center and John continued to describe the properties of the foam that they had already learned. It adhered to itself, but nothing else, making cleanup of Alpha easy. It also absorbed a lot of pressure and kept Alpha intact. Helena walked next to John, listening to him with one ear.
They finished the agenda late afternoon and several of the committee members were arranging to meet later for dinner. Helena promised to join them, but she hadn’t been on Earth in months and slipped out after agreeing to meet at the restaurant later. She moved to the lobby of the building and asked the receptionist to call a cab for her.
Koenig leaned across the desk. “That’s not necessary, Patricia.” He turned to Helena. “Dr. Russell, my car is right outside. I’d be glad to drive you anywhere you need to go.”
“I just wanted to do some shopping while I was here. I appreciate the offer, but…”
He placed his hand on top of her forearm. It felt warm and smooth and made her tingle just a bit. Those blue eyes met hers. Those lips smiled. “I’d be glad to. The mall isn’t far away, and you’d have more time to shop if you don’t have to wait here for a half hour for a cab.”
She had to smile. “Excellent point, Mr. Koenig. Thank you.”
They moved toward the parking lot together. “Call me John. You can tell me how things are going on Alpha while we ride.”
It was a safe topic and gave them a chance to talk without becoming too personal. The ride took a little over fifteen minutes in Koenig’s sleek black Corvette. He gallantly held the door for her as she stepped in, then rounded the car and easily folded his great height into the driver’s side. Helena described the new industrial complex that was being built just to the south of the main part of Alpha and the new dormitories that would house its workers. Her department was in charge of both the health of the construction crew as well as final inspection of the life support systems. The new areas would be connected to the main section and each other by double travel tubes, and Alpha’s population was expected to increase to more than three times its present capacity.
Koenig looked pleased at the prospects and asked questions that assured her that he was both interested and well informed on the project. “Alpha is becoming quite a city,” he said as he turned into the mall parking lot. “How long have you been on Alpha?” he asked. It was the first personal question he had asked, and perfectly timed so that they would be in a more public place. He pulled into an available parking space.
“A little over a year. Things have changed tremendously in that time. It’s been quite exciting.”
He nodded. “That must be why we’ve never met. I left just a little over a year ago. When Cellini returned from the Ultra Probe.”
Helena shook her head. “That was quite a tragedy.”
“In many ways. Cellini was my closest friend. He hasn’t been the same since he returned. But all of us know the risks. Space is dangerous, like any other frontier.”
“Yes, but on a personal level, that doesn’t make it any easier.” Helena replied somberly as Koenig opened the door to the mall. Soft music and the white noise of a fountain in front of them washed over them, giving them the illusion of privacy as they walked down the wide hallway.
Something about the tone of her voice made Koenig look at her more closely. “You’ve lost someone too?” he asked.
“My husband was in command of the Jupiter Probe five years ago. All were lost.”
Koenig stopped, his hand on her elbow. He looked into her eyes. “Of course. Lee Russell. I should have realized because of your last name. I’m very sorry.”
Helena offered a small smile that spoke of forgiveness of bringing up a touchy subject. “Thank you. I know that many women doctors keep their own last name so that actually keeps people from thinking that we might be related. But we married young, while I was still in school, and my married name is on my diploma. Did you know him?”
Koenig shook his head and they started walking again. “I met him briefly once. We never worked on the same project together.”
A display window caught Helena’s eye and she moved over to look at the deep blue dress displayed there.
“That would look beautiful on you,” Koenig said, grateful for a chance to change the subject.
“I do get very tired of wearing beige wool uniforms. But I wouldn’t have much use for it on Alpha.”
“I suppose not. And when you come back to Earth…”
“Business suits,” she said with a laugh. “I spend most of my time in meetings.”
He looked at the linen business suit of dark blue linen, and the beige silk blouse that tied at the neck. It looked business-like but did nothing to hide her trim figure. “You look good in blue, or other dark tones like that. Those are your colors.”
She laughed again. It had been a long time since she had simply enjoyed laughing with a companion, and she found she liked it. “I’ve never known a man who had any idea about which colors should be mine.”
He laughed with her. “My late wife was an artist. She lived in a world of color. Some of it must have rubbed off on me.”
They moved on. Somehow mentioning his late wife balanced the mention of her late husband and they were both felt more relaxed in each other’s company.
“I guess it must be nice to be able just to look at things to buy.” He said. He was being a very tolerant shopper for a male; simply strolling next to her and enjoying her company as she looked. “There’s not much chance of that on Alpha.”
“Actually, I don’t usually like to shop, and my family—my mother and my sister—keep me well supplied with most of the things I need. But occasionally there are things that I want to pick out myself.”
“Will you be visiting your family while you’re here?”
“No, none of them live close to Houston, and I only have a few days. I’m scheduled for vacation from Thanksgiving to Christmas and I’ll see them then.”
Koenig nodded and they continued to walk. They rounded a corner and came upon a lingerie shop. Helena paused and said, “Um, this is one of the places…”
Koenig looked in and then at Helena. With a start he realized what she had meant earlier. “Oh, things you want to pick out for yourself.” He gave an embarrassed grin. “I understand.” He looked around and spotted a bookstore and newsstand a few feet away. “There’s a magazine I’ve been looking for… why don’t I meet you over there.”
“We nearly walked right past your quarters,” John said, pausing in the hallway.
Helena came back to herself. “So we did. I must be more tired than I thought.”
“Have you had anything to eat yet?”
She paused, unable to summon the energy to head to the cafeteria, but realizing for the first time just how long it had been since she had eaten anything.
He put his hand on the small of her back. “Why don’t I go grab a shower too, and then pick up a couple of trays and bring them back here?”
Helena nodded. They had done that before when one or the other was too tired to face the dining room. “That would be fine. About a half hour?”
John nodded and moved his hand to her elbow and gave it a squeeze, then he left as she opened the door to her quarters.
Their friendship meant a lot to her. Unlike Gorsky, who had been a pushy sexist pig, John Koenig had actually turned out to be a close friend and confidant as well as her commanding officer. He wasn’t nearly as arrogant or reckless as she had first thought. She knew that in their isolated situation, it certainly made things much easier on both of them. Under the circumstances, she was certain that her relationship with John would eventually become more intimate, but both had other concerns in keeping the base running, so their personal relationship was evolving very slowly. She had no objections about that. It wasn’t like they were going anywhere. She headed for the shower.
Helena smiled at him. He was quite gallant. He strode forward without looking back at her and she entered the shop with an amused smile on her face. She made the selections she was planning on, and a sheer black teddy caught her eye. She remembered his comment about her colors and on a whim, added it to the other items she was buying. She was only going to be in Houston for a few short days, but she was suddenly looking forward to more trips like this one.
She joined Koenig outside the bookstore as he was putting away his celphone. He explained that he’d had to make a call, and they resumed their stroll around the mall. She entered a department store and selected a businesslike dress that she could wear this week, and a deep purple sweatsuit. There were simply times on Alpha that she wanted to wear something with color and she also wanted to be comfortable. No one would see her in it.
Koenig held up a simple black sheath dress. “You’d look great in this.”
“But I have nowhere to wear it on Alpha,” she replied. “We have very few formal gatherings.”
Koenig frowned. “Unlike here. I’ve got to go to an awards ceremony on Friday night. Will you still be in town?”
The conference was scheduled to end Friday afternoon and the next available flight back to the Moon was Monday morning. She wasn’t sure how much of that information she wanted him to have, so she simply said, “I’ll still be here Friday evening.”
“Would you go with me? We could go out to dinner too.”
She considered the black teddy in her bag. Why had she bought that? She nodded at the dress he was holding. “I’ll need to try it on. Do we have the time?”
Koenig checked his watch. “We have about an hour before we’re scheduled to meet everyone for dinner.”
She held out her hand and he handed her the dress. As she headed for the dressing room he asked, “Does this mean you’ll go with me?”
“If the dress fits!” she teased as she disappeared behind the curtain. She noticed his grin, and found it completely charming, just a bit off-center and rakish. And those lips…
The dress fit perfectly, and it did look good on her. She smiled at her reflection and pulled her hair up. She’d need a few other things to go with it, but she could get those tomorrow. She bought the dress and they headed back to the hotel. Most of the conference guests were staying here, and they were to meet in the lobby. She excused herself from Koenig and headed up to her room to put away her purchases and change.
There was a bouquet of flowers in her room. The card read, “I’ll be your driver any time you like, John”. She was suitably impressed. She quickly slipped into the black teddy and dressed again then headed for the lobby.
She had managed to pull off the pressure suit and stuff it into a laundry bag. She stood in the shower for a long time, her thoughts far away. She had just pulled on an old terry cloth robe when her commpanel announced John’s return. She glanced at her closet, but decided that John had seen her in her pajamas before, so she simply let him in and vanished into the bathroom to put on pajamas. She joined him at the table where he was spreading out supper.
“Sorry I took so long. I just don’t seem to have any energy left today.”
“I’m not surprised,” he commented. “It’s been a long hard day—longer than usual.”
She nodded. “I just feel like my mind is off somewhere else, but I can’t quite grasp…” She trailed off and rubbed the back of her neck again.
“Still have that headache? Have you taken anything for it?”
“It’s still there. I was waiting for the food to take something.”
“I’ll get it for you. Where is it?”
She directed him to the bottle of acetaminophen in the bathroom and he returned with them quickly and watched as she took them. He sat next to her and they ate in companionable silence. It was nice not to think you had to make small talk all the time with someone. It was one of the reasons she felt so comfortable with him.
Dinner was enjoyable, and the food different from the usual fare on Alpha. Several of the people on the committee were former co-workers and old friends. She enjoyed the company. One old friend, a psychiatrist, spoke softly to her before dessert.
“You and John Koenig seem to be hitting it off quite well.”
“He’s been quite nice,” Helena said neutrally. She couldn’t help but glance at John as he was mentioned. He was laughing at something someone else said.
“He’s quite available, and would probably be good for you, Helena.”
“Jack, you aren’t playing matchmaker are you?”
Jack shook his head. “You two have a lot in common. Great passion for the space program, and you’re both workaholics.”
“I am not!”
“Nonsense, Helena. You’ve buried yourself in your work for years now. It’s time to live a little.”
“I’m not one of your patients Jack.”
“True. Just a friend.”
Koenig looked over at her and smiled. She smiled back involuntarily, then realized that Jack was watching her closely. She decided she didn’t care.
Soup and salad looked better than ever, but the fork and spoon became progressively heavier as her stomach filled. As she finished the soup John put an arm around her. “Let’s get you into bed.”
Her head was pounding and she leaned over to rest it against John’s shoulder. “John, I feel…” she wasn’t sure how she felt. It was as if she weren’t really on Alpha, as if she were some long distance away. “I’m not sure what’s real,” she managed to say.
She could tell that John was helping her to bed, but she was fading out again. She clung to him.
After dinner the group split up, some heading for the bar, the few who lived in Houston and had families headed home. Koenig was at her elbow as she made her exit.
“Walk you to your room?”
She smiled. There was nothing she would like better. “Are you interested in a nightcap?”
“That would be nice.” They entered the elevator together. “The moon is full tonight. And my balcony faces east.”
He stood near her as the elevator doors closed. “That would be… very romantic.”
She could feel his breath against her hair. She turned and looked up at him. He leaned down and brushed her lips with his. She put her hand on his upper arm and deepened the kiss. She felt intense disappointment when the elevator stopped.
He placed his hand on her elbow as they made their way down the hall to her room. She liked the way he touched her whenever he had the opportunity. It wasn’t intrusive, just… nice. He was obviously a very tactile person. Helena opened the door and let them in. She had left the curtains open when she left before and the full moon shone in brightly. They didn’t bother to turn on the lights. He opened the sliding glass door to the balcony and walked outside. Helena paused by the small refrigerator and took out a small bottle of bourbon from the bar. She placed ice cubes in two glasses and split the liquor between the two. She followed him out onto the balcony and handed him a glass.
He smiled and took a sip. “You remembered what I was drinking downstairs.”
“I noticed,” she smiled.
He put an arm around her and kissed her. She pressed against him and placed her glass on the ledge of the balcony. Their kiss deepened and he put down his own glass and held her closely.
The moon shone silver on them, but they barely noticed. His lips moved from her lips to her cheek, her jaw, her neck. “I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you today,” he whispered.
“I noticed,” she said, tasting his earlobe. He tasted as good as he looked. His hands moved down her side and up again. She shivered and pressed against him. “I kept thinking about you too.”
“You are so beautiful.” They shifted slightly. His hands continued to explore her. It was a long time since she had been touched this way and she was realizing how much she had missed it. He turned and leaned against the balcony, adjusting his height so she didn’t have to reach up to kiss him. She settled comfortably into his arms, her lips pressed against his. She tasted his lips quickly and opened her lips to allow his tongue to explore her. She moaned softly, deep in her throat. She could feel his reaction to her through his thin slacks, and she wanted more.
His hand moved to unbutton her blouse and she pulled back. She could see the question in his eyes and she smiled in reply. “I bought something for you today.”
He grinned. “And what is it?”
She quickly unbuttoned her blouse and pulled it back to reveal the top of the black teddy. “You did say that I should wear dark colors. Like this?”
He reached around her and helped her unfasten her skirt. It fell into a puddle at her feet. Her blouse followed it and she stood before him, noting and enjoying his reaction. Her skin and blonde hair glowed softly in the silver light. The black silk clung to her. She enjoyed the effect she was having on him. It mirrored her own growing arousal. “You look… incredible!” he whispered. His voice was hoarse with his desire for her. He reached out to her and she stepped back into his arms, undoing the buttons on his shirt as he trailed kisses down her jaw and neck and to her breasts that were barely hidden by the dark silk.
She placed one hand at the back of his neck and moved the other hand down to unfasten his pants. She reached to free his pulsing shaft.
“Helena? Are we…? Here…?” His voice was feverish.
“I want you here in the moonlight, John.”
He moaned and pulled her closer, his fingers moving over her body with a kind of reverence. “I could become… very addicted to this.”
“Mmm, good,” she whispered, her lips against his temple as he kissed her taut nipples through the thin silk. “You feel so good.” She moved her hand up and down his shaft, pressing it against her thigh. He moaned again and picked her up.
He carried her back into the room and laid her gently on the bed. She watched eagerly as he shed his pants and joined her on the bed. The moonlight lit up the room and he appeared clothed in silver as he knelt above her. He explored between her legs, moving aside the crotch of the teddy to feel her wetness. He stroked her soft and sensitive areas and she reached down to fondle his shaft, and then moved her hand down his scrotum. He leaned forward and kissed her hungrily and she gently guided him into her.
He pressed deep inside her and pulled back to look into her eyes. They both remained still for a moment, searching each other’s eyes as if they could see into each other’s hearts. It had been a long time since she had felt a man inside her. She had almost forgotten how much she liked the feel of it. She brought her knees up and squeezed his hips with her legs while her internal muscles gripped him tightly as well. He waited until she moved against him, starting a rhythm of motion that he echoed with his thrusts.
With his first thrust, he nearly moved all the way out of her. She pressed upward and as he pushed back inside her, he rubbed against her clitoris, beginning her orgasm. Her moan only increased his efforts, and her breaths came in gasps as she peaked. “John, oh, John!” She clung to him, shivering as she peaked. He released with a final thrust and a groan of his own. For a moment he rested on his elbows, hovering above her. Then he rolled onto his side, holding her close, kissing her in a spot just below her ear that made her tingle all over.
“You are incredible,” he said softly into her ear.
She turned her head to kiss his lips. It had been good, very good, but it had also been a long time. She wanted more and wondered how he would respond to that. She took his hand and pressed it against her breast. He fondled her as they continued to kiss deeply. She pressed against him and he moved his hand down her body, feeling for her most sensitive spots. He reached up quickly and pulled the teddy away from her breast and placed his lips over her nipple, then moved his hand back down to stroke her. Her orgasm came quickly and she held him tightly, gasping for breath, and satisfied at last. He moved his head back to the pillow and pulled her into a gentle embrace. She rested her head on his shoulder and they both drifted into an exhausted sleep.
Dawn was breaking when she awoke. She could see their abandoned glasses on the balcony. John lay beside her, sleeping soundly. She propped herself on one elbow and watched him. They lived on different planets. He would be the director on this new deep space mission, and his job would give him precious little free time. And in less than a week, she would return to her own job on Alpha, a job that embodied everything she had worked for during all her working and academic career. She knew that she could no more give it up for him than he could give up his own career for her. She had married Lee when she was young and idealistic and thought she could have it all: home, husband, dream job. Now she knew better.
They would have this one weekend, and maybe a few others if their vacations could be coordinated, but very little more. It would never work out between them. She wondered if there could ever have been some place where a true relationship between them might have been possible…
“Helena? Helena, can you hear me?”
John’s worried face peered down at her as she cracked her eyes open. His hand clutched hers as he sat on the side of her bed. She was in Medical Center, and didn’t remember getting here. The last thing she remembered was eating dinner with John. “John?” Her lips felt parched and her voice came from far away.
“Bob?” John called. “She’s coming around!” He reached down to smooth back her hair and cradle her cheek in the palm of his hand. “You’ve had us all worried, pretty lady.”
“What happened?” she croaked, pressing her cheek against his palm, willing him to leave it there where she could feel his skin against hers.
“You passed out right after dinner. I thought you were just sleepy, but when you keeled over on me I called Bob.”
“Not that we were much help,” Bob Mathias said as he came up behind John. “You’ve been out for nearly twenty-four hours, and all we could do was wait for you to wake up.”
“I was unconscious?”
Bob nodded. “It turns out that the foam has a hallucinogen in it. It didn’t effect everyone, and those that were effected had different reactions to it. You had one of the most severe reactions. It just depended on your body chemistry.”
“How many others were effected?” she asked with concern.
“Only about a half dozen with any obvious problems,” Bob reassured her. “All are now conscious with no known side effects. There were probably another couple of dozen who had milder cases that they slept off without anyone noticing.”
“Was it a good trip, Helena?” John teased as Bob moved away.
“I really don’t remember,” she said, gripping his hand. “I have a vague recollection of being on Earth, but nothing more substantial than that.”
He leaned down and kissed her lips. “I’m just glad you’re back.”
She smiled at him. He had never kissed her before. As she thought that, a fleeting shadow of a memory crossed her mind, but it was gone before she could capture it. His commlock beeped for attention.
“You haven’t been here all this time?” she asked.
He looked embarrassed. “No, I couldn’t. But I’ve checked in on you regularly enough to make a pest of myself to your staff.” The commlock beeped again. “I guess I’d better get some work done now. I’m glad you’re better.”
She squeezed his hand. “I’ll be fine.”
He nodded and walked away with that impatient energetic gait she had grown so fond of. He was already talking on the commlock as he disappeared from sight. There was always so much to do. She turned onto her side and closed her eyes, remembering the feel of his lips against hers. It was nice. She wondered if things between them might progress a bit quicker now, but knew that emergencies would always occur that would draw them apart. She wondered if there might have been some way for them to be together more if Breakaway hadn’t occurred. She guessed she would never know, and she fell into a gentle sleep, hoping to dream of Earth, and a bit of time to be together.
Maureen J. Long
October, 2000
