Robert pulled into the narrow driveway and drove past his landlord’s large house and gardens. The lights illuminated the carriage house ahead of him and he sighed with relief, glad to be home. He left yesterday morning at sunup for work, served a nightshift at the hospital, was drafted for graveyard shift, then worked another full day. He stopped the car and hoped he could make it up the stairs. He was so tired he could barely move, and in six hours he had to be heading for the hospital again.
He opened the door and could immediately hear the baby’s screams. He sighed, trying to suppress a hysterical scream himself. The girls had colds and ear infections. When he had last talked to Susan they were running fevers and she had decided to take them to the pediatrician today.
The baby’s cry rose a few decibels. That had to be Missy. She had incredible lung capacity. He adored his two girls and already couldn’t even imagine life without his little family, but, oh, he needed sleep tonight.
Dragging himself out of the car and up the stairs, he found his brother standing on the deck, a sobbing Missy cuddling against his neck.
“Geo!”
“Hello little brother. Susan almost had Helena asleep. I thought a change of pace might help Missy.”
Robert patted the baby’s back. “Hey little jelly bean. Still feeling poorly?”
Missy twisted in her uncle’s arms and leaned toward her father. Robert pulled the nine month old girl into his arms and stroked her yellow curls. Missy made little growling noises and pulled her ear as her father cooed to her.
“That ear must hurt bad,” George said softly. “She screams every time we lay her down. She’s better when she’s upright.”
“Well, unfortunately, Daddy isn’t going to be upright much longer.” He jostled Missy gently and she lay her head against his shoulder.
“Susan told me about the hours you’ve been keeping.”
“I go back on duty at midnight. And I’ve got to get some sleep. Say, what are you doing here anyway?”
“I called this afternoon and she’d just gotten home from the doctor. Both girls were screaming and it sounded like Susan could use some help. So I cleared my desk and came over.”
Robert put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You’re a life saver.”
Susan opened the door. “You got her to stop screaming – Oh, Robert! I didn’t know you were home!” She stepped over and gave her husband a kiss. She patted Missy’s back. “Has your Daddy got you now? Did that make it better?”
“She feels pretty cool,” Robert said.
“Baby aspirin all day long. But she’s worn out and that ear still hurts. George has been a terrific help,” Susan said, smiling at her brother-in-law.
“But you should have sent out an SOS sooner. I don’t know you need me until you ask.”
Susan leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll try to do better next time.”
George nodded, satisfied. “Now, here’s the plan. Since I’ve obviously had more sleep than both of you together in the last week. Rob I’ll wake you in time to get to the hospital at midnight, then I’ll head for home. Susan, I have to go in to the office in the morning, but I’ll be back here by noon tomorrow, and you’re to sleep. I’ll take care of dinner tomorrow night too.”
“George, that sounds heavenly.” Susan said. “Thank you.”
“Yes, thanks Geo,” Robert chimed in.
“Robert, tomorrow night I need to talk to you about something, but it can wait until you’ve had some sleep.”
Robert nodded, too tired to be curious.
George coaxed the baby from her daddy’s arms. Missy was exhausted too and as Robert and Susan headed for the bedroom, Missy’s eyes were already closed.
The next evening things were more relaxed. Both girls felt better and when Robert arrived home the smell of Chinese food filled the apartment. Missy and Helena ate rice and honeyed chicken while the others feasted on moo goo gai pan, beef broccoli and cashew chicken as well as egg drop soup and mountains of fried rice. Helena sat on her father’s lap as supper ended. Her fever gone, she was once again her cheery self. Missy was content to sit in her mother’s lap and play with a spoon.
“So, Robert, when do you next get a couple of days off together?”
“Weekend after next I should have Friday and Saturday off at the hospital. Why?”
“I’d like you to take a trip with me to Michigan.”
“Michigan? What’s there?”
George watched his brother carefully. “Dad is. He’s in a hospital in Lansing.”
“Dad?” Robert asked, confused. “Our dad?”
“The only one we’ve got,” George said.
“Geo, he hasn’t been around for nearly twenty years. Why would I want to see him now?”
George hesitated. “He’s dying, Rob. He wants to say goodbye.”
Robert stood up and paced the room, Helena in his arms. “Seems to me he said goodbye a long time ago. How did you find him?”
“George shrugged and said cautiously. “We’ve kept in touch off and on.”
Robert stopped and stared at his brother. “You always told me you didn’t know where he was. I used to beg you to help me find him.”
“Rob—“ George looked uncomfortable but determined. “You were little. And it was complicated. For a long time, I didn’t know. That was the way he and Mom both wanted it.”
“He and mom wanted? He walked out on mom… and me.”
The baby in his arms startled. Her father’s mood was scaring her.
“Robert,” Susan said soothingly. Let’s let George tell us the whole story.”
Robert sighed, but nodded. He put Helena in the playpen. Susan put Melissa in the playpen with her and the two happily scrambled among the toys.
“Dad always drank,” George explained. “But the older he got the more he drank. When I was little he’d stop by the tavern on his way home from work, but he was always home for supper. After you were born, Rob, there were a couple of strikes and he lost a promotion he thought he should have gotten and he began to go back out after dinner. Sometimes he’d be so discouraged he’d come home in a shouting mood. He never hit any of us but he threw things and broke things.
“Mom was scared he would hurt you. And she thought he was setting a bad example for you. They fought more and more. One night when you were about ten, he didn’t come home at all. She called me and I went looking for him. I found him outside one of his regular taverns, passed out on the ground. He’d been laid off, cashed his severance check and what he didn’t drink had been stolen from him.
“Mom was beyond furious. After he slept it off she had me take you away from the house. By the time we got back, he was gone. Mom sent him away and he went. I didn’t know where he’d gone then, and I did go looking for him. But he’d just vanished. It was years before he got in touch with me. Mom had told me – and he confirmed it -- she sent him away and told him not to try to contact you. She wanted to protect you at all costs and he agreed.”
“Even when Mom died…”
“He stayed away. He heard about it somehow. Not from me, but somehow. I hadn’t heard from him in a couple of years. He was at a low point then. No job, drinking heavily, horribly depressed. It was a vicious spiral. The more he drank, the harder it was to keep a decent job, which made him depressed, which made him drink more, which made it harder to hold a job. I tried to find him when Mom died, but I didn’t reach him for several months. You weren’t quite of age yet and Mom’s will appointed me your guardian. He told me I had to continue to follow Mom’s wishes.
“For the past couple of years he’s been trying to put things back together. He’s been off the streets and even held down a job for a while until he got too sick. He writes to me every couple of months and I’ve told him about Susan and the girls and how well you’ve done in Med School.”
Robert snorted and began to pace again. “Yeah. I’ve done real well by them. We live in a one room apartment over a garage.”
“Rob, you know it’s not going to be like this forever,” George said mildly.
“Besides,” Susan said, standing and moving to put her arms around him. “We’ve been very happy here. You’re almost finished with this rotation and you know there’s a job waiting for you.”
Robert hugged her. “I know,” he said. “I’m just … tired.”
“And I know you weren’t expecting to hear about Dad.” George added. “Rob, this will probably be his only chance to see his grandchildren.”
Robert looked out the window. It was dark and he could see only lights from the windows of the other houses in the neighborhood. He remembered sitting on the steps of the small house he grew up in, waiting for his dad to come home. Sometimes Dad would stop in their tiny front yard and throw a baseball back and forth with him. Most of the time he would simply pat Robert on the head and say, “Not tonight son.” But Robert always waited for him.
After Dad left, Robert continued to wait, night after night until his mom would call him in. And now Geo was telling him it was Mom’s fault? It was hard to fathom.
He wasn’t a little boy anymore and he had quit waiting for Dad to come home long ago. He didn’t want to do this. He was about to turn around and say no when Susan put her hand on his arm.
“I think we should go,” she said softly. “Robert, I think you need the chance to say a proper goodbye. If you don’t, you’ll always regret it.”
Robert still resisted, but Susan looked up at him with those gorgeous green eyes that always melted his heart.
“Please, Robert.”
She didn’t say anymore. She just looked at him and waited.
They arrived at a nearly new Howard Johnson’s just after noon. George had reserved two adjoining rooms and room service had already delivered two cribs to one of the rooms. As soon as they put their bags in the room they took the twins to the orange roofed restaurant next door to the motel’s office. The waitresses oohed over the twins in their matching pink playsuits. Susan fed them applesauce and carefully mashed some of the chicken pie she ordered for herself. As soon as their tummies were full, both girls began to yawn. Susan and Robert took the girls back to their room for a nap and George remained to finish a cup of coffee in peace. They would leave for the hospital after the girls woke from their nap.
He caught Robert’s eye as they left. “Tonight, once the girls go to sleep, we’ll move the girls just inside my room. You two are to get a good night’s sleep while I watch after them.”
“Oh, George,” Susan said. “We can’t ask you to do that.”
“You didn’t,” George replied. “I volunteered. Don’t worry. If they cry too much, I’ll open the door and call for help.”
Robert smiled. “Just knock first.”
All three laughed and Susan was pleased to see him joke a bit. She knew how nervous the purpose of this trip was making Robert.
Once the twins woke up Susan dressed them in their frilliest best. She combed out their blonde curls and put matching bows in their hair. Helena’s dress was a pale pink with white lace and a matching slip and pink lace covered rubber pants over her diapers. Missy’s dress was a pastel green, with tiny pink rosettes with green lace on her panties. They had little white patent leather shoes and white socks with pink or green lace to match their dresses. Susan’s mother had sent the girls these outfits just recently. The tags said Neiman Marcus and Robert guessed they probably cost nearly as much as a month’s rent on their tiny apartment.
Susan looked equally stylish in her short white skirt with a navy suit coat and gold trim. He might be dreading the visit, but he relished the chance to show off his three gorgeous girls.
The hospital was nearby and the weather was perfect. There were many patients out on the grounds in wheel chairs being visited by family members. George inquired at the desk and a teenage girl with a short skirt and a red and white striped apron looked through a book, made a call and led them down a corridor and out onto a patio with tables and benches.
An old man sat alone in a wheel chair next to a stone bench. Robert would never have recognized him on his own, but the man spotted them as they walked out the door and his face lit up. George led the way across the patio and Robert’s mouth went dry. He wasn’t sure how to talk to this man who had chosen to be a stranger to him. Odd, the mental image he had of his father looked more like George than this emaciated old man.
Susan put a supportive hand on Robert’s arm and he took a deep breath. He tried to make himself believe that this was no different than any other terminally ill patient he had encountered in his schooling. It almost worked. Helena wiggled slightly from her perch on his arm, trying to see where her uncle had gone. Melissa, on her mother’s arm was playing peek –a-boo with the teenage volunteer who was waving goodbye to the baby as she headed back inside.
They walked across the patio and Robert’s father watched them as a drowning man would watch a life preserver. He struggled to his feet as they approached.
Robert found his medical training kicking in as they approached the old man. He appeared to have both extensive liver damage and emphysema and probably congestive heart problems as well. He was not quite as tall as Robert, about the same height as George. His skin sagged, indicating extreme weight loss. Robert could already tell, the old man didn’t have long to live.
“Robert,” his father said, holding out a yellowed and wrinkled hand. “This is very much an answer to prayers.”
“Hi, Dad,” Robert said softly. For a long time he had been so angry at this man for leaving him behind. But now he’d seen him, all he felt was pity.
“And you must be Susan,” his father turned to Susan. “George’s description didn’t do you justice at all. Robert, she’s beautiful.”
Robert swelled with pride. He gave his brother a tense, but mischievous smile. “Well, you can’t really take George’s opinion of women too seriously,” he joked. George smiled back.
“Actually, Susan, I told him you were a knock-out.”
Susan smiled at her brother-in-law. “Well, I think all the Thompson men are flatterers.”
“And the babies.” Tears filled the old man’s eyes. “Oh, my. They are…” He couldn’t seem to find the words. “Is this, Helena?” He gestured to the baby in Robert’s arms. Robert nodded. “And this is…” He groped for the name.
“Melissa,” Susan supplied.
He held out a hand to each child. Melissa grabbed the old man’s finger. Helena, who had been soberly studying the old man suddenly reached out with both hands and leaned away from her father in the universal baby language asking to be picked up.
“Oh, my,” the old man said shakily. He tried to catch her. Robert held tightly to the baby while George settled his father back into the wheel chair. Robert sat on the stone bench and reached over to sit Helena on her grandfather’s lap.
“Oh, my,” he repeated. “Oh, Helena. You’re grandmother would have loved you so much.” Tears ran down the old man’s cheeks. The baby looked up at him with clear green eyes.
Susan settled on the bench next to her father-in-law with Melissa in her lap. Robert fell in love with her all over again as she chatted with the old man, telling him about the girls and generally keeping the mood light. The old man was charmed by her and Helena leaned comfortably against her grandfather, seeming to accept him completely.
Robert’s girls helped him accept the situation. George brought over a chair and they sat and visited. Melissa was a bit more restless, she pulled up on her mother, then moved to her father’s lap, then on to her uncle’s. Helena was content where she was, watching her sister and smiling up at her grandfather and her father.
When the old man pulled a pocket watch out of his pocket and looked at it, Helena reached for the shiny object. Her grandfather let her hold it, but gently kept her from putting it in her mouth.
At Susan’s prompting he talked a bit about his life, about working for the railroad, being laid off over and over. He looked over at his youngest son, and met his eyes.
“I’m not exactly proud of the way I’ve led my life. Helena was my rock and without her, I was adrift. But I did as she asked, because she loved you so very much. And she was right, as usual. Look at you now, with this fine family, and a doctor no less!”
“Well, not quite yet…” Robert had to say. Sometimes it seemed like he would never reach his goal.
“But soon, George tells me. You’ve got your mother’s mettle. You’ll do well,” the old man said with assurance. “I do wish… I wish I could have been there to play catch with you more often.”
Robert nodded. Unable to make a reply.
The old man was tiring and he made to hand the baby back to Robert. Robert lifted Helena who came willingly. George handed Missy back to her mother and offered to help his father back inside. The old man nodded and stood slowly, holding a hand out to Robert. Robert took the frail hand and then his father walked away. Robert knew he would never see the man again.
“That was… hard,” he said softly to Susan after they were alone.
“You handled it well,” she said, taking his hand. “How long does he have, Robert?”
“Not long.” Susan was a doctor’s daughter and a doctor’s wife. You couldn’t hide that kind of thing from her. “Maybe a few months. Probably less.”
Susan nodded. “I’m very glad we came.”
Robert sighed. “Me too.”
The following day they were heading back to their regular routine. The twins were well behaved for the rest of the trip, going to sleep early and sleeping through the night. Neither baby was the carsick type and both seemed to enjoy traveling. George told Robert that he also knew their father wouldn’t last long. He planned to take some of his long accrued vacation time and stay with the old man until the end. It was something George could do that Robert wasn’t able to do at that time of his life. Both George and Susan encouraged Robert to accept that. Robert’s obligations were elsewhere, even their father knew that.
It was less than a month later when George called and informed Robert that their father was gone. There was a small memorial service at the cemetery in Chicago. Susan’s friend Monica kept the twins while they attended. George handed Susan the pocket watch. “He ask that it be kept for Helena,” George told her. Susan promised that she would.
Midsummer, and the sun was just setting late in the evening when Robert pulled into his driveway. He had stopped at the pharmaceutical company where he had worked whenever possible since his undergraduate days. There was a contract on the seat beside him. Once this rotation was over in July, there would be a position, a very good position, available for him. By the girls’ first birthday, he would be gainfully employed. He felt such a relief.
George’s car was in the driveway and George and Susan sat together on the small deck, door to the apartment wide open to catch any hint of breeze. There was a pitcher of iced tea between them.
“How did dinner go?” Susan asked, reaching up for a kiss.
Robert grinned. “They gave me an offer. I’ve got the contract here.”
George and Susan both applauded quietly and Robert knew the babies must both be asleep. He sat on the floor at Susan’s feet and handed her the folder. Susan ran her hand through his hair and he reached to take a sip of her tea.
“Well, Robert, this is quite a day for you,” George said.
“It’s a light at the end of the tunnel. We won’t have to live on a shoestring.”
George pulled an envelope out of his shirt pocket. “No, you won’t.” He handed the envelope to his brother.
“What’s this?”
“Part of Mom and Dad’s divorce agreement was that he maintain a life insurance policy until you came of age. Even through the bad times, Dad managed to keep it paid up. You were the beneficiary.”
“What?” Robert said, surprised.
“It’s not a huge amount, but Mom insisted that you be protected. Dad kept his promise.”
Robert looked in the envelope. It was an insurance draft. Robert raised his eyebrow when he looked at the amount. He handed it to Susan. “George—“
“Dad wanted you to have it. It was important, to him, and to Mom. It will help you get established. You know, if you’d rather have a private practice, this would help.”
Robert opened his mouth, and closed it again. No, he loved his chosen specialty and was pleased with the contract Susan held now. He exchanged a smile with her. “Or, it would make a fine down payment on a house.”
“A very fine down payment,” Susan agreed with a look of delight.
Robert turned around and knelt before Susan. “I’ll still be busy for a few months, but maybe you can start looking for a place?”
“I’d love to,” Susan said with a laugh. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to Robert’s.
Robert felt a sense of peace fall over him. He would be a good provider, and a good father. And maybe someday when he came home from work, there would be a little boy waiting to play catch with him on the steps of their new home. Robert wouldn’t let him down.
