Scandal

The tiny baby beat his fist against his mother, eager for his end of the day meal. Daniel had already been fed and bedded down and it was Denys' turn to dine the second shift. Emma watched her son with absolute delight. The twin boys were so wonderful. Alan had been so proud he had practically glowed. There was only one other set of twins on Alpha. Her mother had explained that it was rare, but tended to run in families. Her mother had twin cousins, and thought she remembered someone mentioning another set of twins in her grandfather's generation.

The rocking chair creaked slightly as Emma settled into a soothing rhythm. She loved the wooden rocker and had been awed when Tanya Kano had offered to loan it to her. Davey and Hilly had both been nursed and rocked in it, and Hilly's two daughters as well. She had expected Mrs. Kano to send it to Davey last year and had almost been embarrassed to accept it, but a message from Davey had arrived on the heels of his mother's offer. He had asked her to take the rocker with his deepest blessings, and he had sent a file containing a beautiful simple lullaby that he had titled 'Twinsong', just for her babies.

Wonderful, loveable Davey, Emma thought fondly. Of all her adolescent lovers Davey had been her favorite. He had been the most adventurous and the most empathic. Of course they had been eminently unsuited to each other. Davey was a deep thinker and a man of strong religious feelings. No one would ever accuse Emma of being a deep thinker, and she had to admit she could barely grasp some of the concepts Davey tried to share with her.

Davey had also urged her and Alan to bring the boys to Loki as soon as possible and dedicate them to the future of the planet. Alan had laughed when he had read the message and picked up a twin in each arm. He carried them to the window by the sofa and showed them the stark, always-night vista before them. "We may need Loki," he had said, "but the Carters are spacefarers. This is your destiny, boys, and your heritage."

Emma had watched with tears in her eyes and shivers down her spine. Then, later, when the boys were soundly asleep, she had led Alan back to the sofa and loved him passionately under the stars. That, she thought merrily, was as deep thinking and philosophical as the Carter household got.

Denys stirred and smiled as he nursed, as if sharing his mother's amusement.

"No thoughts like that for you, young man for at least another dozen Earth years or so," she warned softly with a smile. She enjoyed thinking about watching her boys grow up. She wondered if they would try to pull some of the tricks she had while growing up, or would they come up with new ones? She couldn't wait to see.

Her musings were interrupted by the door chime. Emma reached for her mini-slate on the table next to the rocking chair. It sat next to the fruit shake Alan had made before taking Preston to the soccer game. The shake was full of vitamins and minerals that Richie insisted she needed to keep her healthy while she nursed the boys. Aunt Kate had shown Alan how to hide the nasty stuff in an icy fruit drink. Each evening he made it and secured her promise to drink it all by the time the boys were finished nursing.

Hilly Devers face filled the screen and Emma opened the door with a touch of the slate. Hilly entered hesitantly. "Emma, is your husband home?"

"Alan is at the soccer game with Preston. I think Alan and Josh are coaching a team together this year, aren't they?"

"I guess so," Hilly said distantly.

"Did you need to see Alan?" Emma asked, puzzled. She really couldn't remember Hilly ever even talking to Alan before. Hilly and Emma had never been close friends. They had grown up together, and hung out with the same crowd of kids, but there had always been a bit of inadvertent friction between them. Dinah was close to both of them, but Emma had very little in common with Hilly. As teens, Hilly had caught her brother Davey and Emma in an intimate situation and their friendship had cooled further. Hilly had not approved of their behavior and let her feelings be known to her brother and Emma. When Emma had married Alan she had expected Hilly to be supportive since Hilly rather liked Josh Devers, Emma's former boyfriend; but the relationship was strained even further. They still existed in the same circle of friends. Hilly had married Josh, Alex Koenig's best friend, and Alex, Alan and Josh all had similar off-duty interests so their wives, Dinah, Emma and Hilly, frequently found themselves together.

"No!" Hilly said startled. "I mean, I really--" she hesitated. "I was hoping to see you alone."

"Come on in," Emma said. Daniel is already asleep and Denys will be shortly." She smiled down at the baby who was still nursing, but without the frantic speed he initially used. His eyelids were heavy and he kept relaxing to the point where he would nod off.

Hilly came in and sat on the sofa she smiled hesitantly at the new baby. "I don't know how you manage with two newborns."

"Alan is wonderful with them," she said in a soft voice to keep from startling Denys. "And Momma helps out a lot too."

Denys leaned back with a sigh, eyes closed, body relaxed. Emma knew he would stay asleep now. She settled her clothing and stood slowly. She mouthed softly to Hilly that she would be right back and carried the baby to the crib he was currently sharing with his twin in the boys' small bedroom.

Hilly remained on the sofa and Emma noticed she looked pretty grim. When Emma returned she curled up beside her, tucking bare feet under her. She could tell there was something bothering the other young woman. "What's wrong Hilly?" she asked gently.

Hilly glanced at Emma hesitantly, then looked away. She was more than grim. She was upset to the point of tears. Her eyes brimmed over and a tear slid down her dark brown cheek. She leaned forward, putting her face in her hands. "Oh, Emma. I've absolutely ruined my life." She couldn't stop the sob that followed.

Emma put her arm around Hilly's shoulder, unable to imagine what could have put Hilly in such a state. Hilly was a rather dull person from Emma's point of view. She was quiet, like her father, serious about her work and had few outside interests.

"I'm pregnant." Hilly said, so softly Emma almost didn't catch it.

That surprised Emma. "But, Hilly, that's wonderful, isn't it? We can certainly use more babies around here, and Josh just dotes on your girls."

Hilly sobbed harder. "Oh, Emma. I don't -- think -- " she was crying so hard now she had trouble getting out the words. "I don't think it's Josh's baby." She seemed to shrink into herself, folding over with a moan.

"Maybe Josh won't know," she murmured more to herself than Hilly. Josh was sweet, but not the most observant or sensitive of males.

Hilly gave a short laugh. "He will if the baby has dark streaks on his face or knobby eyebrows." The laugh became a sob again.

"Psychon?" Emma asked, truly taken aback. "You mean you and Toto Verdeschi--"

"He prefers the name Sal." Hilly said shortly.

Hilly really had come to the right person, Emma realized. Emma had no right to mention that Toto-- or Sal as he now wanted to be called-- was ten years younger than Hilly, although she and Alan had not begun a physical relationship until Emma was eighteen. Sal was barely sixteen! Not that Emma herself had been a virgin herself at sixteen. Now she and Hilly were both members of Alpha's senior staff. Hilly was the base's Chief Nutritionist and Emma head of Recon, and all the transportation issues that entailed. Alan had handed the title to her nearly a year ago, stating that she was doing the work and should have the title to go with it. Alan still worked every day, on special projects, as Emma's assistant, but was the main caregiver for the children and came and went as he pleased. Emma sighed.

Hilly misinterpreted the sigh. "I didn't mean for this to happen!"

"How did it?" Emma had to ask, morbidly curious.

"It kind of started at that party your mother gave when Sal first moved up here. Remember?"

Emma remembered. She had been big as an Eagle equipped for carrying oversized cargo, unable to find anything to wear and unable to dance once she got to the party. Any move she made, her belly seemed to follow about five minutes later. Alan had danced with Maya and Helena and a few others, she had chatted politely with Toto for a moment or two and mostly sat with her father when he wasn't dancing with her mother. She had been miserable.

"Well, I talked to him at the buffet table and he was telling me about dishes his father liked to cook. He had that wistful lost look he gets when he talks about his dad, and seemed so sweet. He promised to cook one of the dishes for me some time. He looks a lot like his dad, don't you think?"

Emma nodded. It made it difficult for her to be around Toto. She had been very fond of Tony Verdeschi. He and Alan had been great friends and they had always enjoyed their visits to the Verdeschi household on Dover. Now Tony was gone-- and he had been just the same age as Alan. She shivered involuntarily.

"I-- I always had a crush on Tony Verdeschi when I was little," Hilly confessed shyly. "I'd find reasons to visit my parents in Main Mission and kind of stare at him while he worked. When Sal was born Tony came by our place to tell Mom and Dad. He hugged and kissed everyone. Even me. I floated around in a daze for weeks."

She returned to the present with a sigh. "Well about a week after the party Sal showed up in my office asking for certain supplies and asking if he could cook up one of his dad's dishes for me. Josh had already started taking Natalie with him and Hillary to soccer games and I told him Sal was going to teach me how to cook Italian food, so it seemed to be a good time to do that, while they were at a soccer game. Sal showed up just as they were leaving and promised Josh an incredible meal. Sal was so enthusiastic and silly, and kind of showing off for me. He'd try to get me to pronounce the names of the dishes he was fixing, and he'd feed me tastes of the concoctions as he added different things. He really is a good cook. We had a great time and were both laughing at my horrible accent and I dribbled something that he was spooning into me and he leaned forward wiped it off so gently. Then he kissed me."

Hilly shook her head. "I should have stopped it right there. I should have tossed him out and told him I was a married woman and I didn't approve of cheating on my husband-- and I don't!" she added despairingly.

"But suddenly I was eleven again and kissing Tony, but this time he was kissing me for real-- and -- and--" she sobbed again. "Oh, Emma, I hate myself!"

Emma pulled her into a tight embrace. "But Hil-- that was months ago. If you're pregnant now--"

"We've been-- going on like this for months. He comes over during Hillary's games and we cook and we touch, and it feels so good. By the time Josh comes home there's this fantastic Italian dinner all ready and Sal tells Josh what a wonderful wife I am before he leaves." Hilly shook with another sob. "Each time I think I'm going to tell him to go away, but then he smiles at me and talks about how lonely he is. He makes me feel so special. He tells me I'm beautiful, and when I'm with him, I even believe it. He calls me by these Italian names and it always sounds so lovely. Then he leaves and I'm just plain old Hilly again and I feel just awful. And now! Now I just wish I were dead!"

"No, Hilly, not that," Emma said fiercely. "We'll figure out something," she added, her mind already beginning to break down the problem, looking for solutions as she did with engineering problems. She wasn't a stranger to scandal. Her marriage to Alan had created quite a stir in their little community. Her father hadn't been the only one to accuse Alan of child molesting. He had done so in private and then realized how wrong he was and changed his mind. Others had openly shunned both Alan and Emma. Only their devotion to each other and her mother's quiet support had brought them comfort.

"Okay," she said, business-like. "Let's look at your options."

Hilly sighed and relaxed slightly, her head on Emma's shoulder. "I knew you'd help," she said quietly.

"Of course I will," Emma said gently. She was a tenderhearted soul and once she saw this as a problem to be solved she was intrigued. "Do you want to be with Sal or Josh? Who do you love most?"

"Oh, Emma, I couldn't be with Sal. It would never last. He's so young and this was just fun to him, never anything serious."

"Having a baby is serious," Emma replied.

"Emma, when I told him this evening, he couldn't leave fast enough, and was swearing he couldn't have kids."

Emma's respect for Sal Verdeschi just dropped several notches. "Okay," she moved on, still in problem solving mode. "The next step is, do you love Josh and want to stay with him?"

"I don't know. I'm fond of Josh. I'm used to Josh. He can be very kind. I think he'll be horribly hurt by this. And if the baby looks like Sal, everybody will know."

"Is there a chance that the baby is Josh's?"

"It's a pretty slim one." She hesitated, then added, "I haven't been particularly interested, and Josh isn't the type to insist."

Emma nodded. As a teen, Emma had always been the one to initiate her liaisons with Josh. She hadn't even realized that Josh thought he was in love with her until after she was engaged to Alan. "Still, I think we need to know who the father is."

"How are you going to do that?"

"My mom will know how."

"Not your mom! I'd just die of embarassment!"

Emma frowned and thought again. "How about Suzi? She works with mom, caring for the gene bank, and I think she does a lot of the testing. Or we could ask Richard."

Hilly shook her head. "I don't want to talk to a guy about this. Do you think Suzi could do it?"

"She'll know what to do."

"I don't know her very well."

"She's a good person. She gets homesick a lot and stays pretty close to Richard. It took me a while to warm up to her, too. But I'm sure she'll help." Emma rather admired Suzi Koenig. She had fallen in love with Richard while working as a nurse in the infirmary on C-2. They had married there and it had been hard on her, moving away from all her friends and family-plus marrying into the Commander's family. Emma was well aware of the intimidating effect her father had on people. Richard adored Suzi and supported her. They had two little girls now, and were expecting a third.

Hilly closed her eyes and groaned. "If my mom finds out she'll be so disappointed. All the trouble she's had with Davey, and I've always been the good one! This will kill Papa."

"Well, we'll try to avoid that," Emma said drily. "Trust me to call my Suzi?"

"I trust you," Hilly said softly, meaning it completely. She had faith that Emma could somehow get her out of this.

Alan and Preston returned home that evening in high spirits. They had won their soccer game and stopped by the cafeteria for desert, bringing Emma a serving of her favorite rice pudding. When they opened the door to their quarters Alan was holding Preston up by his ankles while the little boy giggled. "Look Mama, I'm in zero g!"

They were not prepared for the three serious faces that greeted them. Emma and Hilly sat together on the sofa. SuziKoenig was sitting in the rocker. Alan took in the scene and focused on his wife. "Em? Is something wrong? The twins--"

Emma was by his side quickly. She kissed his cheek and took the container Preston was holding up to her. "The twins are fine. Hilly's got a bit of a problem that we're trying to resolve. Can you and Pres go to Daddy's for a while? Please?"

"Sure sweetheart," Alan said quickly. "Come on Pres, we'll go tell your Grandpa and Grandma about the game."

Alan arrived home later that evening without Preston who had reenacted his game for Grandpa, played with their puffball, Fluffy, and fallen fast asleep in his Grandma's lap. They had tucked him into bed there. Emma was surprised by her husband's reaction to Hilly's problem.

"That spoiled little brat! He should have been bent over his father's knee and spanked long ago!"

"Alan! You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do. Goodness knows Tony wouldn't lay a hand on him. Little Toto couldn't possibly do anything wrong. Maya thinks he's perfect too."

"Alan, you've never hit your own son. And Daddy never hit any of us, even though we certainly weren't angels."

"Yeah, well all of you knew better than to do something like this."

Emma raised an eloquent eyebrow at Alan. She had always taken precautions as a teen, but he was fully aware of her activities at that age.

Alan was still fuming and not ready to be appeased. "Tony probably told him to get plenty of experience," he grumbled.

"So what if he did? I'd probably agree."

"How many married men did you sleep with?"

"Alan!"

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I just think whatever punishment Toto gets, he deserves."

"And the only way for Toto to be punished is to punish Hilly too. What do you want to do, hang a red letter "A" around her neck?"

Alan looked at her in surprise. "You've read Hawthorne?"

Emma looked at him scathingly. "I do read, Alan. I'm not completely illiterate."

"I know," Alan was having a hard time choosing the correct thing to say to his wife tonight. "I just didn't think you'd read that. It's not exactly your type of book."

"Well, actually, Davey asked me to read it once." Davey had always been sending her titles of books to read. Some she found boring beyond belief. Others she had forced her way through to please him. A few she had found abridged versions or movies to watch so that she could carry on a conversation with Davey. "I didn't really like it, but I read it. I wish there were more really god books to read. Most of the stuff on Main Computer is so boring."

He smiled. "I keep hoping someone in your generation will decide to become a novelist."

Emma sighed and slumped on to the couch. "We're too busy having babies and keeping ourselves alive. Maybe someday..." she faded off.

Alan joined her on the couch. "Someday," he agreed, knowing it would be a someday she would most likely see without him. He wished he hadn't reminded her that her generation had devoted themselves to survival, reproduction and learning all they could from their aging parents. He pulled her into his arms. "I don't want to see Hilly hurt, or Josh, but someone should talk to Toto about his behavior."

She put her hand on Alan's shoulder. "Maybe it's Josh's baby. Maybe Toto really can't have children."

Alan thought how sad that would be. They needed all the manpower they could get around here, and Maya's intellect had kept them alive more than once. To lose that potential, and to lose all that Tony had been was tragic. He missed his old friend, despite his current anger at the son.

Suzi made the necessary arrangements for the tests and carried them out quietly. It was a tension filled two days for all concerned. Alan Carter did have a talk with an unrepentant Sal Verdeschi. Alan later described him as being as pig-headed as Tony at his worst. Sal didn't think he could have children and didn't see why this was his responsibility. Hilly had been a willing partner. Didn't she know when she was fertile? If she had said something, they could have done something different that night. Alan managed to leave without spanking the teenager, but he was sorely tempted.

Emma checked on Hilly at lunch the first day and found her in her office sobbing. She called Suzi, who took one look at her and ordered her off duty. Suzi argued that Richard had to know. Hilly was deeply depressed. Suzi was concerned that Hilly might slip from depressed to suicidal. She wasn't qualified to give Hilly antidepressants and Richard would have to know what was going on in order to treat her.

"No, no," Hilly sobbed. "It's bad enough I had to tell you. Please don't make me tell Richard."

Suzi knelt in front of Hilly and took her hands. Despite just beginning her second trimester she was still slender and graceful. Her height made Emma feel small and chubby, Suzi was at least four inches taller. "Hilly, what if I talk to him first, explain what's going on. I promise you he'll know enough to be able to treat you without asking you anything about Sal."

"You-You're sure he'll do that?"

"Positive. He trusts me, and knows I'll tell him everything he needs to know. But you've got to let him examine you and treat you."

"What if he tells Josh?" Hilly asked.

"Hilly, what if Josh comes in here and find you crying like this? He'll know something's wrong." Suzi countered with impeccable logic. "Richard can treat you confidentially. That's got to be better, don't you think?"

"He won't tell?" she asked, childlike in her despair.

"He can't," Suzi insisted gently. "It's doctor rules." She wasn't trying to be condescending, just making her way through Hilly's fog of despair.

Hilly considered and nodded reluctantly. "Okay," she relented, so softly the other two could barely hear her.

On the second day Suzi waited eagerly for the final computer analysis. Hilly was at home. They had told Josh that Hilly was suffering from exhaustion and depression and needed complete rest, which was no less than the truth. Hilly would have to sort things out with Josh, but she might as well have all the facts when she did so. Suzi promised Hilly all the counseling and support she needed.

The results were ready shortly after lunch. Suzi downloaded them to her slate in the privacy of the gene bank's lab. It wasn't unusual for her to spend hours in the lab with various test results. She went over the data, then downloaded it from the computer a second time. She accessed the records of the baby's suspected grandparents and began to compare the results manually. When she was finally convinced of the results, they alarmed her enough to call Richard to the lab.

Suzi Koenig had never had the ambition to be more than a good clinical nurse. She had a patient manner and didn't mind the down times that were inevitable on a small installation such as Ceres 2. Fate had required more of her. She had fallen in love with Richard Koenig who was sent to Ceres 2 for a year of internship. Richard was bright, talented and ambitious. He had every intention of becoming the next CMO of Alpha, and had the talent to do so. Suzi disliked Alpha, which she barely remembered from her youngest childhood. Her visit there as Richard's guest to his siblings weddings did nothing to change her feelings. She found it too big, too crowded and too different to the close-knit community she had grown up in. But she loved Richard, took a quick liking to his loving family and was fascinated by Helena Koenig's genetic research. Richard proposed to her several times before she said yes, and she was always homesick. Richard supported her in every way possible, making sure she could visit Ceres 2 as often as possible and arranging for her to work closely with Helena as the caretaker of the genetic bank, a job she found extremely fascinating and one that she had a talent for.

Now she looked over the results on Hilly's tests with dismay. She had never experienced anything like this.

Richard walked up behind the stool she was sitting on and rubbed her lower back as he looked over her shoulder at the computer screen. "I've told you to find a more comfortable place to sit when working at the computer," he chided gently. She was carrying their third child and her back ached constantly.

"I'm comfortable here," she said distantly. "Oh, Rick, that feels good." She closed her eyes, allowing a moment to relax. She was the only one he allowed to call him by a nickname, and she only did that in private. She sighed. She hadn't called him away from a busy day to rub her back. "These are Hilly's results. Take a look with me please. There's something wrong." She began to point out the problems.

He stopped her quickly. "Wait a minute, hon. You're the expert here, not me. If you can't figure it out, I'll be lost."

"But I'm not an expert. I just don't know what to make of this."

"You're the best we've got, Suz-"

She sighed and leaned against him. "Then we don't have much. Rick, this is the first time your sister had ever come to me to ask a favor and I'm going to blow it."

"No you're not. And it's not like Emma doesn't like you, she just kind of exists in her own little world."

"I know, I know," She turned her chair and leaned her face against his chest. "I need your mom to look at this."

Richard put his arms around his wife. He considered telling her that she needed to figure this out on her own. Helena wouldn't always be around to resolve their problems. It was something Richard had realized quite early and he worked hard to make sure that his young staff did as much independent of their elders as possible. He also realized that there were personal factors at stake. This was his wife's third pregnancy so he knew from experience that her self confidence waned quickly as her pregnancy advanced. He felt confident that her conclusions were correct, but she would need more than his assurance. "Why don't you call Mom and ask her to come have a look. Let her know that you promised to keep everything extremely confidential. She won't need to know names." He also knew that she probably wouldn't need names to recognize the genetic records.

Suzi agreed and called her mother-in-law who came at once. Once they went over the data together Suzi was glad she had. She arranged to meet Hilly at Emma's that evening while Josh and Alan were at soccer practice with the children.

Emma let her in and they sat around the dinner table in the small neat apartment. Hilly looked exhausted from anxiety. She grasped Emma's hand like a lifeline.

"Well Suzi," Emma asked nervously. "What's the verdict?"

Suzi called up the information on her slate, now confident of the results but still not comfortable with them. "It's not as clear cut as I thought it would be."

"Wait a minute," Emma said. "Either Toto is the father or Josh is."

"Josh is-- mostly the father." Suzi said.

"Mostly?" Hilly asked, puzzled.

"Suzi frowned and nodded reluctantly. "The baby has DNA that I can definitely trace to Josh, Carolyn and Jeremy, and there's no evidence of any DNA belonging to Tony." Everyone gave a sigh of relief until Suzi added, "but there is evidence of Psychon DNA on the sixth, tenth, and fifteenth chromosome."

"Meaning--" Emma prompted.

Suzi shook her head. "There's plenty we don't know about Psychon physiology. We've never dealt with a Psychon male, and am in fact not really dealing with one now. Sal is... unique."

"But if the baby isn't his, how can the baby have his DNA?" Hilly asked. She had enough biology training to understand basic genetics as well as human reproduction, even though she had applied the biology knowledge mostly to plant life throughout her career.

"It looks like some of his DNA penetrated the zygote and replaced the DNA already present." Suzi sat back, Helena had been utterly intrigued by the problem, and she and Suzi were already planning further tests to try to understand this. The implications were astounding her and might even offer long-term solutions to the genetic drift problems that concerned both Helena and Suzi. "Without a good deal of research that would be fairly controversial and require a great deal of cooperation on Sal's part, I have no better explanation." Helena determined to have a long talk with Maya about this, although she didn't think Maya would have any answers.

"What do we tell Josh?" Hilly asked, worried.

"The truth. You'll have to talk to Josh and the two of you will have to decide what you want to do." She tried to suppress a shudder. She sincerely hoped the two of them could work things out without taking it out on this innocent baby.

"I'm going to kill him!" was Josh Devers first reaction. Hilly burst into tears again.

They had chosen to tell him in the Carter's quarters. Emma sat on the sofa by a trembling, sobbing Hilly. Suzi Koenig had left Emma to tell Josh, but assured them that she and Richard would be available if needed. So far, Hilly had done most of the talking. Hilly had asked if Alan could be there too. He and Josh were friends and Emma had agreed that it might be better to have another male present. Hilly had no doubt that if Emma knew Alan did too. The twins were asleep and Emma had asked her mother to keep Preston for the night. Hilly had similarly talked her mother into keeping the Devers girls at her place.

Alan placed a hand on Josh's shoulder. "That's not going to solve anything, mate."

"Look what he's done to Hilly!"

Hilly was a wreck. She had been crying for most of the past couple of days and had barely slept. Her eyes looked puffy and bruised, and her normally wide and flat nose looked swollen. Her normally chocolate colored complexion had taken on a gray cast.

"Josh," Emma said. "Listen to me. She's carrying your baby. Not Sal's. She's upset because of her actions, and is going to need your support."

"I thought he was teaching you how to cook!"

Hilly nodded. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"What are you going to do? Leave me?" He asked sadly. He stood across the room from her, Alan close by his side. He had begun pacing as Hilly had told him what had been happening.

"You're going to hate me now." Hilly said through her tears.

Josh turned and looked at Alan. "Sal's going to want to marry her now isn't he?"

Alan shook his head gently. "Hilly doesn't want that and neither does Sal. I've already talked to him. He wasn't trying to get her pregnant, just have some fun and make her happy."

Josh turned away. "I wish someone could make her happy. I sure can't."

Hilly cried harder. "Oh, Josh--"

Josh strode over and knelt in front of her. "I thought the cooking lessons were making you happy. I try, but I just don't know what you want."

"Have you ever asked her?" Emma asked quietly.

Josh's eyes were only for Hilly. "Hilly, why did you do this?" He took her hands and looked at her closely.

"He made me feel-- special."

"But you are special!"

Hilly just shook her head.

"You're special to me!"

"You never say anything..."

"I thought you knew how much I love you."

Hilly put her arms around her husband and her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and tried to console her. Alan came and sat by his wife while the other young couple tried to deal with the pain.

"Richard has already examined Hilly," Alan told Josh. "The two of you need to see Richard in the morning and talk to him about counseling."

"Richard knows?" Josh asked.

"Richard knows Hilly is depressed and upset, but she hasn't told him everything," Alan stretched the truth a bit. "You need to let him in on everything so he can treat her properly."

It took counseling and many tears. Hilly's mother knew something was wrong and Hilly admitted to her what had happened. Josh spoke with Richard and Alan and they kept talking him out of confronting and hurting Sal Verdeschi, something he wanted to do mainly because Sal's ultimate effect had been to upset Hilly so very badly. Josh cared little about the unusual DNA his son sported. Josh also insisted he loved Hilly and would stand by her no matter what the baby looked like. Hilly's self esteem was so low she had a hard time accepting this and Richard reluctantly give Hilly an antidepressant that should not effect the baby.

From the first pill, Hilly's spirits seemed better. Josh asked if they could get away for a while, and since Richard had already placed Hilly on a medical leave it took very little time to pack them off to Loki, to the small mining community of Koenigshafen north of Dover. The spaceport was here and it was the area where Alex had found the puffballs. Josh and Hilly could find plenty of solitude in the wide open spaces. Richard asked Tanya and David to keep the girls for a while with help from Carolyn and Jeremy Devers. Hilly and Josh needed time to themselves.

Just before they left, Hilly again visited Emma Carter who was once again nursing Denys. Alan let her in. He was holding Daniel.

"Hi Hilly, all packed?"

"Yes, I am, Alan." She answered with a smile. She seemed much more relaxed than ever before; also more poised and confident. "I just wanted a second with Emma."

Alan nodded. "Daniel and I are off to the bath before he eats." Alan gave Hilly a quick kiss on the cheek. "Have a good trip."

Hilly smiled. Her complexion was too dark to show that she was blushing, but her face felt hot.

"Hi, Hilly," Emma said softly, still rocking so she didn't disturb the baby.

Hilly walked over and touched Emma's hand. "So," she asked. "Will you be ready to give up the rocking chair in about seven months?"

Emma smiled. "With pleasure. You look better already."

"I feel better. Talking with Josh took a lot of pressure off and his attitude--" She sat on the couch. "I always knew how he felt about you, but I never realized how much he cared about me. If I'd known, this never would have happened."

"Josh needs to learn how to tell people what he's feeling," Emma said.

Hilly laughed. "As long as he doesn't start with Sal Verdeschi." She grew serious again. "He's working on it-- we're working on it. I need to tell him what I want too. He's not a mind reader either."

"Good for you. Show him some of the things you liked for Sal to do with you," Emma urged softly with a wink.

"Well," Hilly laughed again. "I can't even imagine him speaking in Italian, but there were a few things-- we'll have some time alone and we'll see what develops. I mainly came by to thank you-- for being more of a friend to me than I've ever been to you."

"Hilly, if I'd ever needed something, you would have been there for me," Emma said, rather embarrassed.

Hilly shrugged.

"And Hilly, I'm fond of Josh, but I've never been in love with him. I've always loved Alan."

"I thought it was just a crush-- the way I felt about Tony Verdeschi. I was afraid that one day you'd decide you wanted Josh again-- and you'd get him."

Emma shook her head. "Alan's all I've ever wanted. And Josh is devoted to you."

"I know that now-- both of those things. Emma, we'd like to name our little boy Emil. Kind of after you, and ask you to be his godmother."

"I'd like that, Hilly. Thank you."

Hilly hesitated and added, "Maybe you'd rather wait and see what he looks like."

Emma shook her head. "Even if he has beady eyebrows and dark streaks on his cheeks I'm sure he'll be a wonderful baby and I'd be pleased to be his godmother."

Denys finished nursing and leaned back with a satisfied moan. Emma and Hilly both smiled at the baby. Hilly got up and leaned over to kiss Emma on the cheek. "Thank you Emma. See you in a couple of months."

Hilly left quickly to begin again with her husband.

Ellen C. Lindow

May, 1999