John Koenig stepped from the travel tube, grateful to be away from the other passengers. He wasn't sure he could honestly accept condolences on the loss of their child from even one more person. The fact Helena had miscarried the week before was common knowledge throughout the base. John knew the expressions of sympathy from everyone were sincere and well intended. He just didn't want to think about it -- for a little while anyway.

"John."

Koenig looked up at the sound of a familiar voice. Kate Goldburg was headed toward the travel tube, her gaze meeting his. Kate was Helena's best friend on Alpha. They'd known one another a long time, since before Breakaway, since before Helena's first husband, Lee Russell, disappeared on the Astro Seven mission. He and Kate tolerated one another, but didn't really like one another. But because they both loved Helena, they made the effort and were slowly moving toward understanding one another better.

"Hello, Kate."

"I've just come from seeing Helena. Did you know she plans on returning to duty tomorrow?"

"Yes, I know. Physically, she's fine. She says she needs to stay busy so she has something else to think about."

"Do you believe it will work?"

Koenig smiled ruefully and shook his head as he and Kate moved away from the main hallway and into a small reception area just to the side of the travel tube stop.

"No. It hasn't worked for me and I doubt it will work for Helena either. But she's determined to go back on duty. Nothing I say seems to make any difference."

Kate nodded her understanding. She'd been through this kind of thing with Helena before, when Lee Russell vanished and was presumed dead.

"Yes, and when Helena's mind is made up... John, I know this is none of my business, but that's never stopped me before, especially where Helena is concerned... Were you as excited about this baby as she was?"

Koenig glared at Kate for a moment. It was none of her business, but as Helena's friend, she had a valid question, and he knew she had asked it for a specific reason. Kate might have her nose in everybody's business, but she was also the best friend Helena ever had.

"You're right, it is none of your business."

"Answer the question anyway."

John took a long deep breath before giving Kate a reply.

"... Not at first. I didn't think it was a good idea for Helena and I to become parents. I thought we were too old to be starting a family, and that our jobs put us into dangerous circumstances and situations more often than others. I didn't feel it would be fair to our child but... I changed my mind."

"Why?"

"Actually, Helena helped me change it -- she wanted a child so badly. She convinced me everything would be all right."

Kate had picked up on the phrasing of John's reply and met his gaze steadily. Perhaps it wasn't her place to tell him what she was about to share, but perhaps Koenig needed to know it, to better help Helena and himself deal with and accept the death of their child, to help him better understand Helena's reactions and needs at this time.

"That's not completely accurate, John."

"What do you mean?"

"Helena didn't want a child, John, she wanted your child."

The puzzlement on Koenig's face caused Kate to smile softly, indulgently.

"When Helena and I first became friends, when she was still married to Lee, being a mother was definitely not on Helena's list of things to do. She had no interest in having a family of her own; she had no desire to have children with Lee Russell, or anyone, so she claimed."

"Why?"

"Helena never really said. Maybe it just didn't 'feel' right to her. But all that changed after she fell in love with you. Even though it seemed we could never have children here on Alpha for so long, Helena began to wish and dream it were possible. She never specifically came right out and said she wanted to have your children, John, but there was more to our discussions than the clinical detachment and theoretical speculation she admitted to, for the good of the entire base. There was a... wistfulness to her expression, the privately held dream of something she doubted would ever become real. Then we found Loki and..."

Kate allowed her sentence to trail off as she spread her hands to indicate John knew what the rest was about. He shook his head slowly.

"Helena never told me any of this."

"No, probably not. For so long it had been just girl talk. But it doesn't change the fact that she started to want and dream of children only after she fell in love with you."

Koenig studied Kate Goldburg for several long moments. No matter what her feelings about him, or his about Kate, John knew - at that moment - Helena was at the front of both their thoughts. As a friend, Kate could only do so much to comfort and console Helena. The rest had to come from him - Helena's husband the baby's father.

John nodded slowly in understanding. Helena had always told him Kate had her own way of doing what was best for her friends, of being there when she was most needed. Koenig had just experienced that for himself.

"Thank you, Kate."

She returned the nod, certain he understood the meaning of her comments. John reached for Kate's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, then left the reception area, heading toward his quarters - toward Helena.

Kate watched Koenig until he rounded a corner and was out of sight. A soft, resigned smile crossed her face. It would be hard for both Helena and John to get through this, but Kate knew they would be all right.

* * * * *

* * * * *

January 1, 1999