Something Wonderful

First shift changed and Jackie Crawford left the power room and headed to Medical Center as he had every day for the last week. He knew his mother didn't have long to live. The cancer that was eating away at her lungs forced her to struggle for air and left her in intense pain. Most of the time Dr. Devers kept her on somnol or some other form of pain medication, but they had worked out a schedule so that Jackie could visit a while after his shift change every day. It was about the only time she was actually awake and aware of her surroundings. Jackie usually helped her eat a little solid food and they would talk quietly. The last two evenings he had left feeling uncomfortable and saddened. His mom didn't want him to be alone. She wanted him to have a family, to find someone to love. She kept telling him that having a family was something wonderful; something worth looking for. Unfortunately, he felt adrift here on Alpha. As the first alphan child he had grown up on their travels to Loki. He had been a nine year old, used to the company of adults and not particularly missing companions his own age; but when everyone began talking about expanding, having children and starting families he had been caught up in the excitement as well.

As a nine-year-old he had been young enough to build up some very unrealistic expectations. He remembered waiting eagerly for Mrs. Kumar to have her baby and being horribly disappointed when it turned out to be 1) a girl, and 2) all small and wriggly and not someone who could play ball with him at all. He had confided his disappointment to Professor Bergman, his math teacher at the time, who had listened with great sympathy. He could remember in great detail the discussion that had followed with the professor giving him a good deal of information about babies, where they came from and how they grew. It didn't help the disappointment that they couldn't play ball, but Alan Carter had begun showing up soon after that discussion and taking him to the gym, playing football, racquetball and basketball with him, and even taking him to Loki with him once. They had played baseball with Commander Koenig one sunny afternoon near what would one day be Dover. When the first wave of little kids were old enough to kick a ball around Alan recruited him to help coach them. Jackie had been about fourteen by then, old enough that he was spending time learning about the power station already, but he had enjoyed helping Alan pass on the skills that Alan had already taught him.

Now those little kids were growing up and pairing off in what Jackie thought of as an alarming rate. Jackie was friends with some, friendly with others, and knew almost everyone, but he never truly felt a part of the younger generation of Alphans. Neither did he truly feel a member of the original generation either. Dr. Devers was closest to him in age, but there was a lot of distance in those eighteen years. There was still a gap of about nine years, nearly ten between him and Josh, Dr. Dever's son.

There was a knock on the partition that gave his mother some privacy in the busy medical center. They both looked up from the fresh strawberries Jackie was slicing and feeding her to see Commander Koenig standing discreetly back from the partition. "Sue? I just wanted to drop by and say hello."

Sue smiled weakly and held out a hand. "Commander, it's good to see you."

"I've dropped by before, but you're usually sleeping," he said softly with a smile. With a few short steps he was by her side, taking her hand. With his other hand, he pulled over the rolling stool the doctors usually sat on when they would come by to talk to her.

"I spend a lot of time asleep, but I try to spend a little time with Jackie in the evening." Her voice was hoarse and rough, nothing like the way she had sounded when Jackie was growing up. "What brings you here?"

"Alex and Dinah-- their baby was born about a half an hour ago. We've been here waiting."

"Oh, how wonderful." She began coughing from the effort, but she waved away Jackie as he reached for a glass of water. "Annette must be just thrilled."

Koenig grinned that lopsided grin of his. "We're all pretty happy, but Annette is positively glowing. The little girl is just beautiful. The kids have named her Isabella, but have been calling her Bella since they found out she was a girl."

Sue just smiled and nodded, getting her breath back. Her skin was dry and looked almost brittle. She weighed almost nothing. The drugs they had given her had made all her hair fall out and it wasn't growing back. On her head she wore a brightly colored silk scarf -- real silk from Earth, something Jackie's father had given her ages ago. "Another generation, new babies are so precious."

The Commander smiled at Jackie and Sue. "All the children are."

"No, John. It was more than that. Your compassion, your caring, and Helena's. They made the difference. I never spoke of it, but I know it was what made Jarek and Rena give up their lives, and give us back ours. They had never experienced anything like that before. It made quite an impression on them."

Jackie had never heard his mother say that before, and from the look on the Commander's face, he hadn't heard this either. The Commander patted her hand and smiled at her. "I'm glad it worked out the way it did. I know you're proud of Jackie, and we're lucky to have had you both here." He looked over at Jackie again. "The research you've done on fuel cells looks good. They could be quite useful. I read your proposal this morning."

Jackie grinned.

"This isn't the time to discuss it. Enjoy your visit with your mother and meet me in the morning in my office. Is 8 am ok?"

"Um, could we make it a little earlier? I go on duty then."

"Seven? I'll bring a pot of coffee."

"I'll be there."

Commander Koenig turned back to his mother. "Sue, make sure they treat you right. Let me know if you need anything."

"I'm being pampered by everyone, including my son. Thank you, John."

The Commander slipped out with one last smile. Jackie knew his mother probably wouldn't live long enough to ever see the Commander again.

His mother waved away any more strawberries and asked Jackie to tell her about these fuel cells the Commander was so interested in. He told her a little, but could tell she wasn't really up to listening to technical jargon for long. When she began to drift off to sleep, he kissed her cheek and slipped out.

In the main section of Medical Center he encountered Alex Koenig holding a well-wrapped bundle, a wide amazed smile on his face. "Jackie, take a look at my daughter."

Jackie moved closer with a feeling of deja vu. The tiny baby looked very much like his first encounter with a baby. Wrapped in similar blankets, with a tiny stocking cap covering her head and a wrinkled face Isabella Koenig reminded him of his first view of Maggie Reilly. He pondered for a moment and diplomatically used the same phrase he had with Maggie. "She's really something, Alex."

"Isn't she?" Alex responded with complete delight.

Jackie was saved further comments as Alan and Emma Carter entered. Jackie almost didn't recognize Emma as she currently looked like some odd caricature of herself. She was puffed up and swollen from her pregnancy, looking wider than he had ever seen her. She walked with a slow waddle, leaning on her husband for support rather than her normal energetic bounce. Even though he regularly played handball with Alan, with his mother so sick, and his spare time spent on the research project he realized that he hadn't seen Emma in months.

"Oh Alex, let me see her," Emma cried immediately.

Alex held the baby out for inspection and Emma and Alan peered closely, smiling at their new niece. "She's beautiful," Emma cooed, reaching out a finger to touch the baby's soft cheek. "Let me hold her."

Alex took a reflexive step back. "I don't think so, Em."

"Why? Do you think I might drop her?" Emma asked, immediately becoming confrontational with her brother.

"Well..." Alex obviously didn't have a good answer for his sister, but was still reluctant to let go of his daughter.

Alan rolled his eyes and winked at Jackie. "You two can't be in the same room two minutes without fighting can you? How's your mom Jackie?"

Jackie sighed and shook his head.

"Is she awake?"

"Yeah, I just left her."

"I'm going to go see her while you two work this out." Alan kissed his wife's cheek who smiled absently and touched his hand as he left her side.

"Come on, Alex--" Emma was saying as Jackie slipped out of Medical Center. Exposure to Emma and Alex Koenig always left him grateful that he was an only child. He knew that not all brothers and sisters argued constantly, but still, he had perferred his own, more peaceful childhood.

He headed for the nearest travel tube. The visit with his mother had been trying. She had again suggested that it was time for him to think about starting his own family. He knew she didn't want him to be all alone when she was gone. They both knew that would be soon. He arrived at the travel tube station and waited for the next car. It only took a few minutes and he leaned against the wall, thinking about his mother. When the travel tube arrived he entered as soon as the door opened and sat down.

Just as the door closed a small hand pushed against the safety bumper and re-opened the door. Nina Zoref practically leaped through the door and used her slate to close the door quickly. She turned to sit and was startled to see Jackie in the seat furthest from the door.

"Oh, hi Jackie," she said cautiously. Her eyes were red and swollen and one side of her face looked red too. Jackie and Nina had lived next door to each other since Nina's birth nearly seventeen years ago in an area of small apartments that Jackie had long ago tagged the "onlies ghetto". The quarters were really too small to handle a family and several single women each with one child had volunteered to move there to help each other with child care duties. Jackie's mom had been one of the first to move in, and Jackie had never cared for it. Their former quarters had been bigger, and, of course, he was always the oldest kid around and expected to help look after the little ones.

"Hi Nina. What's the matter with your face?"

She looked startled and put her hand up to the side of her face, covering the red mark. "I um, just ran into something. It's ok."

Jackie leaned closer. "Did someone hit you?"

Nina looked startled, then terrified, then she burst into tears. Jackie moved across the aisle to sit next to her. He put his arm around her as he had done years ago when she would skin a knee on the football field. "Hey, what's wrong?"

She leaned against his shoulder pressing herself desperately against him, eyes closed tight. He held her and let her cry all the way to their stop. Luckily, no one else had called the tube so it had gone directly to their area. As the car slowed down Jackie tried again. "Nina, did someone hurt you?"

"It's my fault," she sobbed. "I was so stu-- stupid." She sobbed again.

"Come on. We've got to get off here. If you won't tell me what's wrong, maybe you'll tell your mom."

"She's not home. She's on C-2." Nina said sadly.

"Have you had supper?"

Nina shook her head.

"Ok, then come share mine and tell me what's up."

They walked in silence down the hall and around the corner to Jackie's apartment. They passed Nina's apartment on the way and she looked shyly at the door, as if she were considering simply dashing inside and away from him, but she stayed by his side.

When they entered Jackie turned to the tiny refrigerator. The kitchen area included a small microwave oven, two hotplate burners and a miniscule refrigerator and sink. His mom had managed to feed them breakfast and supper here for years. Now Jackie usually picked up something in the cafeteria and warmed it up after his visit with his mom. He pulled out the large salad he'd picked up with plenty of hot peppers, beets and potato salad. He also got out the rest of the strawberries which he'd planned to have for breakfast. They were his own favorite as well as his mom's.

"I hope you like greek salad," he said to Nina who had swallowed her tears on their walk through the hallways and had slid forlornly into one of the seats at the small table nearby.

She smiled shyly. "It's my favorite. I like it really spicy with lots of peppers."

"Me too," Jackie said with a grin, taking down two plates so they could divide it out evenly. "Strawberries?"

"I like those too."

"Good." He got out two bowls and filled each with fresh berries. He sat across from her. "My mom always said 'eat first, then talk', ok?"

Nina was eyeing the salad with interest. She nodded her agreement. Jackie was careful to divide out the peppers evenly. They ate in companionable silence for several minutes. Jackie got up and fixed them each some ice water, and both enjoyed their meal. Once their strawberry bowls were empty Jackie stacked all the plates and pushed them to the side. Then he looked across the table at Nina. The red streak was becoming a hand-shaped bruise and swelling slightly. The tears had subsided.

"Now, tell me what happened."

Nina sighed and looked down, then looked back into his eyes. "I've been really, really stupid. I kept insisting that I was all grown up and wanted my independence. Mama and I have been fighting for ages. She won't let me do anything or go anywhere so I've spent my time making her life miserable. Then last week she told me that she'd had enough and if I wanted to be on my own, she was going to let me. She took a temporary job on C-2 assaying ore. They told her they might offer it to her permanently. Then she packed up and left two days ago.

"So, I decided I was due for some celebrating. I went to the Grotto the night she left and met up with this boy I went to school with. All the girls had a crush on him when we were about ten or eleven. Now he works over in the tech lab and I see him occasionally. My specialty is chemistry." She paused and Jackie nodded. He hardly ever saw Nina any more, even though they lived next door to each other. He spent his time in the gym or the power room, and now in medical center.

"Well, he asked me to dance, and we did. Then he led me back to one of the booths and started kissing me, and I let him. But he was pretty pushy and I made this excuse that I had to get home, so he let me go. Well, today he emailed me and asked me to meet him again at the Grotto. It was pretty early and I thought he was asking me to meet him there and then we'd have dinner or something. When I got there, the place was pretty much deserted. People don't start showing up there until later. So I'm told--" she qualified her remark. "It's not like my mother had ever let me go there before."

"As soon as I walked over to him he was all over me. I kind of liked the attention he was paying me," she looked away from Jackie's eyes, embarrassed. "I liked the way he was kissing me too, but I told him I wasn't ready for anything else yet. He got really mad. He told me that I'd been teasing him, and it wasn't fair. I got mad back. We hadn't done anything but dance and kiss the night before. We'd hardly even talked. He said he didn't want to talk. And then he... he said some things that weren't very nice... about what he wanted to do. I told him no. I told him I thought he and I were going to have dinner or something. He said it was the 'or something' he was waiting for and he grabbed my wrist. I pulled away from him and he grabbed for me again and then I slapped him and he slapped me back. And then I ran. And I got on the travel tube and found you there."

She looked back at him again. "Honest, Jackie. I really wasn't teasing him. At least I don't think I was. I really don't know," she finished miserably.

"Who was it Nina?"

"I don't want to get him in trouble..."

"Nina! He hit you. He had no right to do that, or expect you to go any farther than you wanted to."

"I did hit him first," she said sadly. "And there wasn't anyone else around."

"Look, I won't report him to security or anything. But he shouldn't be treating you, or anyone else like that."

"Maybe it was my fault," Nina said dejectedly.

"Either way," Jackie said, willing to concede the point if Nina would just tell him who had done this.

"It was Drew. Drew Hankinson."

Jackie sighed. He knew Drew, and his three older brothers. His brothers all worked in Technical, and Lance, the oldest, could make anything out of metal. Jackie had already talked to him about helping with the fuel cell project. Drew, on the other hand had somehow gotten the impression that black teenagers were supposed to talk trash and intimidate others with impunity. The black image was important to all four boys, but Jackie was certain Drew would have been a bully no matter what color his skin. He remembered their dad. Professor Hankinson had been a mild quiet astronomer who had been one of the kindest people on Alpha. He had explained things like black holes and quasars and other galactic mysteries to Jackie when Jackie was little and had gone through a phase of obsession with the constantly black sky above them. He had been a good dad to his boys until a heart attack had taken him away when the oldest boy was about nine. That's when they had started to change, and the four boys had formed a solidarity so tight it excluded everyone, including their mom.

"Nina, Drew is a bully. He always has been. Really, this wasn't your fault." He could tell she was still unconvinced. "I'll talk to him tomorrow. If you want to go back to the Grotto, I'll take you after I see my mom some evening. Tomorrow if you'd like."

She shook her head. "That's ok, Jackie. I don't think I'm really ready for it yet. I guess my mom was right and I am still too young."

Jackie wasn't sure he agreed. His own mother had mentioned several times that Eva Zoref was too protective of her daughter and needed to let her experience things rather than keep her on a shelf like a china doll. He wanted to help Nina, but he wasn't sure how. "Maybe we could go out to dinner then. Somewhere besides the Grotto."

"I could fix you dinner-- tomorrow night at my place? Mama taught me how to cook really well."

"It'll have to be about this time. That's when I usually get home."

"That's fine. It'll give me time to fix something after my shift is over. Is there anything you really hate? I mean, I don't want to fix something you don't like."

"Well, I like almost anything. I don't like rice pudding much."

"Ok, no rice pudding. Do you like any kind of rice? I was thinking of tofu teryaki and I usually put it on a bed of rice."

"That would be ok. You really don't mind?"

"It would be great. That apartment is so quiet without Mama and I shouting at each other. I hate to admit I miss her already..."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Jackie looked around his own apartment. He hadn't ever seen a need to move out. He and his mother got along well and he had no secrets from her. It wasn't like there had been any girls around to date when he was twenty. Now the place seemed so empty... and he knew she wasn't ever coming back.

Nina noticed his look and turned to the stacked dishes. She took them over to the sink. "I'm sorry Jackie. I didn't think before I said that. How's your mom doing?"

"Not good. She doesn't have much more time left." Jackie was getting tired of telling people that. He joined Nina at the sink, pulling out a towel to dry the dishes as she washed them. He decided to change the subject and told her about the Commander's visit this evening and the fuel cell project he'd been working on. To his surprise, Nina was very interested, and had even been assigned to do some of the preliminary testing of catalysts for him. She hadn't known what it was for at the time, but once he began to explain she picked up on the subject quickly and with enthusiasm. After dishes they moved back to the table and he showed her his report and they talked for more than an hour.

Finally Nina looked up at the commpost and noticed the time. "Gosh, I didn't realize it was so late. And you're going to be getting up early to show all this to the Commander. I'll bet you want to be getting ready for it."

"Going over the information with you was a big help," Jackie said, as surprised as she was. "Some of the questions you asked are bound to be ones he'll ask."

"Oh, he'll probably ask much more intelligent questions than I did."

Jackie couldn't decide if she was just being modest or really believed that. At least Nina didn't seem to be as down on herself as she had before. He wasn't sure how to respond.

Before he could say anything she put her hand over his and leaned toward him. "Thanks, Jackie. For letting me talk to you this evening. It helped, really." She leaned closer and kissed his cheek quickly then slid from the chair and was out of the apartment before he could say anything else.

He put his hand to his cheek. The spot where she'd kissed him tingled slightly. The air around him had a different smell too, kind of like flowers. He closed down his slate and got ready for bed. He should have been thinking about fuel cells, but he found himself thinking about Nina's shiny black hair. It was cut short, but somehow was longer on top and kind of shimmered when she walked. He didn't really consider her a pretty girl. She had nice gray eyes when she managed to look right at you, which wasn't often. Her face was kind of long and her nose was sort of turned up on the end. It did look better when it wasn't all red from crying. He would definitely have a talk with Drew Hankinson tomorrow and tell him to stay away from Nina. He fell asleep thinking about how nice she had smelled sitting there next to him.

He woke up from a dream a few hours later. Nina had been kissing him-- and not on the cheek either. He turned over and tried to find a comfortable position. Nina was still awfully young. She wasn't close to eighteen yet, and here he was thinking about the same kinds of things Drew wanted her to do. Of course in his dream Nina had certainly been willing... he concentrated hard about fuel cells for a while before finally managing to fall back to sleep. He awoke to the buzzing of the alarm and set off for the gym to run for a while before getting ready for his meeting.

To his surprise, he found the Commander already there. They said good morning to each other and exchanged small talk. The Commander explained that he usually ran before breakfast. Emma usually met him there, but her mother had told her to cut back until the baby came. The Commander chatted about matters other than work, barely seeming winded despite the fact that the odometer on his treadmill already read four kilometers. For an old guy he was obviously in great shape. Jackie set a brisk pace but was still running when the Commander left for breakfast with his wife.

The presentation of fuel cells went well. Koenig was very receptive to the idea and asked about various types of applications, even suggesting some that Jackie hadn't thought of yet. He also was concerned about manufacturing capacity, transporting the cells safely, and just about every aspect of using the fuel cells. Jackie had already talked to both Alan and Emma Carter about vehicles that would be adaptable to fuel cell use rather than gasoline powered. They were enthusiastic too. Loki had some petroleum reserves, but the fuel cells could be manufactured to use free hydrogen and oxygen and be a good deal cleaner, as well as leaving petroleum for all it's other many uses as lubricants and plastics. Jackie left the meeting feeling elated, with a time frame already worked out to begin production of prototypes.

As soon as he was on the travel tube he sent Nina an email telling her briefly how the meeting went. Before he reached the power section she had sent a response congratulations and telling him she wanted to hear ALL ABOUT IT tonight. She finished by asking him if he was still planning to come to dinner. He grinned and sent back an enthusiastic yes as soon as he got to work.

He spent all day looking forward to dinner. When he got to Medical Center he met up with Alan Carter who looked pretty frazzled. Alan hugged him and pounded him on the back. Emma had been in labor since some time the night before and Alan would be a father soon. Jackie was happy for him. Alan had been and important person in Jackie's childhood, and had even dated Jackie's mother for a while, but for some reason they had never been serious.

His mother was in a lot of pain that evening. They talked about fuel cells, and about the Carter's immanent birth, but he was suddenly shy about telling her that he was having dinner with Nina Zoref. He certainly didn't mention his conversation with Drew Hankinson at lunch time which had been terse and confrontational. Jackie hadn't hurt him, but he'd wanted to. Drew wasn't really interested in Nina, and didn't really care enough to make much of an issue about it. Especially when Jackie had explained what he would do to Drew if he ever bothered Nina again.

After leaving medical center he headed home and showered before going next door to Nina's place. He wished he had thought to bring her something, like flowers. Then he remembered that this wasn't really a date, but it was as close as he'd ever come to one. She was awfully young. He had to keep reminding himself of that.

Dinner was wonderful. Nina really was a good cook. They spent the time talking about all sorts of things. They liked the same kinds of foods and the same types of movies. He told her all the details about his meeting with the Commander. Neither of them mentioned Drew, or their mothers. He helped her do the dishes just like the night before, then they sat on the couch and talked. When she leaned forward and kissed him he was surprised, but very pleased. It was even nicer than his dream the night before. He put his arms around her and they kissed for a long long time.

"I like this," she murmured against his lips.

"I do too." She smelled wonderful and tasted even better. He stroked her silky hair and kissed her along the jaw line and her ear lobe. His heartbeat was pounding in his ears as she touched his cheek. He wanted more, much more, but he took a deep breath and pushed back.

"What's wrong?"

"I think-- I think we need to take this slowly."

Nina looked into his eyes with her gray ones. He could tell that she understood what he was saying. "Nina, I don't want us to go too fast and spoil this." He leaned back toward her and kissed her again. Neither rushed the kiss, but neither tried to take it further. When they pulled back again and their eyes met they smiled at each other. "I need to go," he said softly.

"So soon?"

"It's nearly midnight."

"Tomorrow?"

"I'll cook. Or we can go out."

She smiled. "Can you cook?"

"I can pick up stuff from the cafeteria," he joked. "Or we could go there."

"You bring the salad-- with lots of peppers. I'll take care of the rest."

It was an equitable agreement. They nodded together and he stood. They walked hand in hand to the door and kissed again. He finally pulled himself away, opened the door and stepped out. They smiled as the door shut between them. His dreams this night were even more passionate than the evening before, but he still had reservations about the age difference.

The next morning there was a message on his slate from Alan announcing the birth of his son Preston. Jackie decided to talk to Alan about Nina. After all, there was certainly a greater age difference between Alan and Emma than between him and Nina. He sent a message of congratulations to Alan and asked if Alan would have time to talk to him in a few days. Jackie's day was filled with plenty to do at work, and several people contacted him about their part in the fuel cell project, but he still found time to think about Nina. He wondered about talking to his mother about her, but she had had another bad day. His visit was brief.

He stopped by the maternity section and said hello to Emma who was nursing her baby. Preston had a pale covering of blond fuzz and was not quite as red and wrinkled. Alan showed up while he was there and Jackie was able to come up with compliments about how good looking Alan's son was. Alan practically glowed. Emma and Preston would be going home tomorrow, and Alan asked Jackie to go get some dinner, they could talk then, but Jackie said he had something else to do. The next evening was their usual handball night, so Emma suggested they meet for handball and dinner then, Alan didn't have to hover over her and the baby all the time. Emma and Alan seemed so happy together with their new baby. Jackie felt a twinge of jealousy, but also a tiny flicker of hope. The Carters certainly considered their relationship to be something wonderful. Maybe Jackie's mom was right.

Supper, good conversation and time on the sofa kissing again; it was another wonderful evening. Jackie told her he couldn't meet her for dinner the next night, but asked if he could take her out to dinner the night after. She had agreed, but asked if he would at least come by the next night for a goodnight kiss... or two. He quickly agreed. He hadn't wanted to miss seeing Nina tomorrow night. He had already gotten used to looking forward to their time together.

His game was off the next evening, and Alan seemed to have a tremendous amount of extra energy. When the ball hit him in the head on what should have been an easy return, Alan easily plucked the ball out of the air and grinned at his young friend. "OK, cobber, what's the matter? Your mind certainly isn't on the game."

Jackie grinned and shook his head, "I guess not."

Alan gestured at the door. "Let's go have a beer and talk about it."

After showers they headed for one of the two new pubs that the food service people had opened. The Flying Dutchman had a mural painted on the wall outside depicting an old sailing ship. The interior was also darker than most of Alpha's rec areas. The creation of the Grotto a few years ago had given rise to a few other restaurant-type settings. This one attracted an older crowd that liked a game of darts or pool with their pint of beer. Alan and Jackie chose potato slices and something that was supposed to taste like fish. Jackie liked it. Alan said it wasn't too far off from the taste of real fish if you put enough spicy sauce on it.

"Now, what's eating you?" Alan said, then took the first pull from his beer.

Jackie was still uncomfortable with talking about it, but he took a deep breath and asked, "Alan, how do you know if you're in love with someone?"

Alan put his cup down and looked Jackie over. "Well, if you're thinking on that, it's probably because you are in love."

"Be serious."

"No, really. You don't start asking questions like that unless you've found someone you're thinking you may be in love with."

"How did you know you were in love with Emma?"

Alan looked down at his plate of food. Then he sat back and rubbed his cheek and chin, looking puzzled. "That's not an easy question to answer." He sighed, "I don't want you thinking there was anything creepy going on, but in some ways, I've loved her since the day she was born. In others, I began to realize how very much she meant to me when we were working together to build the new Eagle." He looked into the distance, as if he were seeing something behind Jackie's left shoulder other than the nautical-style mural on the wall. "I couldn't' stop thinking about her, and I really didn't want to. Being in love came late to me, and it really startled me that it could be so intense." He looked at Jackie's face, noting the expression. "I'm not being much help."

Jackie shrugged. "I think I know what you mean. There's someone that I've known all her life, and suddenly, it was like I just noticed her for the first time. I can't stop thinking about her either."

"Good for you." Alan raised his glass in a mock toast and grinned, then took a sip. "Who's the lucky girl?"

"Alan," Jackie said hesitantly. "I don't think she's old enough. I mean, I'm almost thirty, and I don't think she's even seventeen yet."

Alan looked at his friend carefully, then said softly, "I'll admit, I was attracted to Emma before she was seventeen too. I never said anything about it to her. In fact, I waited until she brought up the subject-- and she waited until she was eighteen."

Jackie looked down at his untouched supper. "That seems like such a long time to wait."

"It felt like an eternity." Alan agreed.

"What if she changes her mind? Alan, she's so... innocent." He shook his head. That wasn't the right word. "It's not like I'm really experienced or anything, but if I told her I loved her, how could I know she won't change her mind?"

"You don't. There aren't any guarantees."

"I just don't want her to think that just because I've paid some attention to her and we like to kiss each other, that she has to love me back. Maybe she doesn't. Maybe she won't ever!" He shivered. He didn't like to admit that last part.

Alan grinned. "So, you like kissing her, eh?"

Jackie felt his ears go hot, and knew he was turning red. He picked up a potato and toyed with it, twirling it in the salsa he had chosen as a dip. "Well, yeah... and... but... I just don't think we should rush things, and I'm not sure I have the will power to stick with that."

Alan spread his salsa liberally over the pseudo-fish sandwich and took a big bite. "None of us do, cobber. Sometimes women can be real torture, especially when you really care for one." He leaned forward. "Take my advice. Try to do things with her where you can be seen by others. Go places together. Take her to dinner, or the Grotto. Take her to a movie. It's a good deal easier to keep a hands-off policy when you're in public."

Jackie grinned. "The voice of experience."

"Hell, yes." Alan said so emphatically that Jackie had to laugh.

"Why don't you two have dinner with us some night? And you still haven't told me who it is."

"Nina Zoref."

"Well, literally the girl next door! And I agree with you. Eva raised that child like she was in a convent." At Jackie's puzzled look Alan waived a hand in the air. "Old Earth expression. She has been very sheltered. I agree that slower is better here. Look, talk to Nina. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you don't want either of you to get hurt, but you want to get to know her better. People tend to pair off too quickly around here, but see how she feels about seeing you-- even an awful lot of you-- and waiting until she's eighteen to make any kind of permanent decision."

"What if she does change her mind before she's eighteen?"

"Then you won't have made a permanent mistake. Enjoy what you have right now and let it develop at its own speed. Hopefully it'll develop into something wonderful."

Jackie stared as Alan took another bite of his sandwich. Those were the same words his mother used. Maybe it was some kind of sign. He began to eat his own supper, and looked forward to that good night kiss he had promised Nina.

The following days were difficult for Jackie. Despite his happiness at the way things were going with Nina, his mother took a turn for the worse. Nina insisted on coming with him the next evening when he was called back to Medical Center during supper. Sue Crawford saw them holding hands at the end of her bed while the doctors worked on her, and she smiled. She asked to talk to Nina alone once the doctors had her stable again. Nina wouldn't tell him what they said to each other, but Nina was smiling even as tears slid down her cheeks.

Jackie spent the next twenty hours with his mother. Nina hovered nearby as well and was with him when Sue Crawford finally slipped away. Although he thought he had been prepared for his mother's death, the reality of it hit him hard and he leaned heavily on Nina to keep him from falling completely apart. The medical staff was helpful, and Dr. Mathias treated Nina as if she were Jackie's next of kin through the nightmare of his mother's death. Nina got him back to his quarters, then suggested that he sleep on her sofa instead. Jackie readily agreed and obediently took the pills Dr. Mathias had given her to administer. She stayed with him until he fell asleep, holding his hand.

The next day she attended the memorial service at his side. It was well attended by Sue and Jackie's co-workers and friends, and many people from the onlies ghetto. Jackie slept on her sofa again that night, but some time during the night he called out for her and she came and took him back to her bed. They fell back asleep in each others arms.

In the morning he woke in her bed. He didn't remember getting there, but he knew that Alan was right. He needed to see her in more public places, at least until Nina was old enough to make a decision about what she wanted to do with her life. He got up and dressed. His coveralls were neatly folded on the desk in the tiny bare room.

Breakfast was ready and Nina was humming cheerily in the tiny kitchen area. She turned and smiled at the sound of the door opening. Jackie smiled shyly back and both suddenly felt awkward.

Nina broke the silence first. She indicated the table. "Breakfast is ready. I found some strawberries. I know they're your favorite," she ended, a bit embarassed.

Jackie smiled back and crossed the room quickly. "Thanks."

There was another awkward silence again. Jackie finally met her eyes and took her hand. They sat across the table from each other, and Jackie pushed the bowl of hot cereal and fruit aside. He took both her hands in his.

Before he could say anything she said, "I shouldn't have done that last night."

"Nina, you've become very important to me. But I want us to get this right. I don't want you to feel you've got to be with me."

"I don't understand Jackie."

She looked puzzled and Jackie realized that she really didn't understand. "You're a lot younger than me. I don't want something to happen that you might regret someday."

Her look changed to one of almost panic. "You... don't want to see me any more?"

"No, no, not at all. I just want to make sure you know that this is your choice. That I'm not like Drew..."

"Of course you're not. Jackie, I thought we were friends."

"I hope we are. I hope we stay friends forever. But I want to be more than friends." He knew he was blushing now. "I hope to wake up in your bed again."

Nina blushed too. "When I woke up... I watched you sleep for a while. It felt very... natural."

Jackie leaned across the table and brushed her lips with his. She leaned toward him, deepening the kiss. He realized that her leg was rubbing against his and he began to feel warm all over. He pulled back reluctantly and looked into her eyes. "I think for a while I better sleep at my own place. Why don't we eat out for a while, and kiss goodnight at the door, and on the day you turn eighteen, I'm going to ask you to marry me."

Her eyes went wide. "Does that make us engaged?"

He grinned. "More like, engaged to be engaged. If you change your mind at any time, just tell me. I may still ask you on your eighteenth birthday just to make sure, but it's your decision."

"That's nearly a year and a half."

"Yes, it is. But I'm willing to wait."

Her leg was still touching his, and he wasn't willing to move so that she wasn't touching him anymore. "What if I don't want to wait that long."

"We can't get married before then anyway."

She blushed again. "Not to get married," she glanced at the door to her bedroom. "To... wake up next to you." Her hands were holding his tightly, her thumb rubbing his palm. It was making him feel like he was going to explode.

"Well, perhaps we could have a quiet intimate celebration of your seventeenth birthday," he said with a smile, wondering how he could possibly keep his hands off of her for the next six months.

Her kiss indicated her approval of that plan. He finally pulled back as the emotions threatened to overwhelm his self control. "I think I need to go to the gym now. And let's go out for supper."

"That might be a good idea."

"We could meet the Carters for dinner. They invited us."

"That would be fun."

Jackie slipped out of his seat and headed for the door. "I'll email you to let you know the time."

She remained sitting, but her smile was wide and she almost appeared to be glowing. "Jackie, thank you for being you."

He smiled at her as the door opened and she added, "We'll wait. And I know my seventeenth birthday will be something wonderful." He stepped into the hall. He was certain that her words were some kind of sign.

Ellen Lindow

November 14, 1999